So often we come upon situations where people are suffering and we think that it needs to be 'fixed.'
The truth is that a lot of people get themselves into situations repeatedly because they are learning a soul lesson. Even if we try to give them advice or 'fix' the situation they will often go right back into a similar situation and similar suffering. Until someone really wants to change their behavior they will receive the same results. Society likes to say these sorts of people are victims. Maybe they had an absentee parent and their mother was too busy working so they turned to crime. Psychiatrists prescribe them mind altering drugs in attempt to switch off their thinking capacity. At a certain age a person is 100% responsible for their choices no matter what their personal history may be- whether it's really abusive or growing up in the 'bad' part of town. A location, their parents, or any other label doesn't define who they are...but their actions do and inevitably they are doomed to the same results if they keep making the same poor decisions. I've tried to save many people. I could see the writing on the wall and how they created their own suffering. I also saw many people suffering and tried to show them a way out. Recognizing a pattern from the outside is very easy to do...but most people will react violently when it's pointed out bluntly. To bluntly call out someone for their personal faults is considered rude and very unwelcome even if you offer a method to help that person establish a new healthier and more peaceful pattern. The truth is, in today's world of so much information at our fingertips, there are tons of resources people can turn to for help. There are dozens of methods to kick addictions and break bad habits. In other words, there is no excuse not to be responsible and heal ourselves. Compassion is witnessing. Compassion is listening. Compassion is also being where enough to know that rescuing or trying to 'fix' others is not going to work. Mostly, because we've been there ourselves. A lot of what's empowering the government to take our rights away is the belief that we are not capable of taking care of ourselves. Yet, we are living in a time where we have more resources to take care of ourselves then ever before! The government that is filled with a lot of people trying to appease their ego and desire for power is certainly not capable of 'rescuing' anyone. I know I've witnessed that every time someone tried to 'fix' a situation it made it a lot worse. Usually, there is a lot of judgement involved from the 'fixer'. To judge a situation 'broken' and in need of 'fixing' means something must be wrong with either the person in the situation or other people involved in the situation. Personal suffering can't be blamed on outsiders. When we point the finger at others for our suffering we give away our power. We are always capable of changing our situation...but it often doesn't feel comfortable. When given something that we did not earn we usually take it for granted. Giving a person a job or a material object to 'fix them' does not work. Rewards for failing to change only ensures that change will not happen. That reinforces the problematic pattern of behavior instead of helping to establish a new one. You take a person out of their original environment and they will inevitably create the same situation in the new environment- whether it's a new workplace, a new love relationship or literally a new country. The only know that original pattern of behavior and until they learn a new one...which is something most people do not like to do...they will continue to experience the same results. A compassionate person understands all of this and simply nods. If help or advice is requested they offer what wisdom they have gained in their own travels...but they don't try to rescue the other person. Compassion Is Subtle I remember working with a very troubled individual. They had isolated themselves from everyone around them. I liked them even though I saw they were troubled and self-destructive. I wanted nothing but companionship since I didn't fit in with the group of people that we worked with either. So, I sat down with them on break. They had a place where they sat and they made it clear they didn't want to sit with anyone. I wouldn't say anything. I just sat down. Not only did they not chase me off but eventually they got used to this strange new person who wasn't intimidated by their moodiness. Eventually they opened up and talked...that led them to becoming a very active member, and I would even say leader, of the group and led to a healthier pattern of behavior. That's compassion. I didn't judge. I didn't tell them they needed to make friends with the people around them,. I didn't force a conversation. I just sat down and was present. Too often there is this 'need' to respond to other people suffering. The media will claim, "We need to do something so this never happens again!" That's an act of futility because, again, so many of societies ills are due to the individual and individual choices. Doing 'something' to 'fix' a situation if the pattern of behavior itself does not change on an individual level will not fix anything. In the short term people might say they are happy with the results but in the long term the same outcome will be experienced. Suffering Leads To Spiritual Development Humans, naturally, do everything they can not to suffer. Life would be a lot easier if it was just a pleasure boat cruise where our every need was met, right? From a Spiritual Perspective we create these situations of suffering because we don't know any better. We don't understand that what we are really looking for is Spiritual Development. So we try to fulfillt hat need with a variety of sense gratification- food, perfume, a new car, a house, lovely living conditions, clothes, a significant other, etc. Suffering leads to self-development...sometimes very rapidly. If we try to rescue someone from their suffering they won't work on self-development. They will have no inclination to look within and grow. If life was a pleasure boat cruise we would never 'grow up' gaining full individuality from the LCS (Thomas Campbell's term for "God"- Larger Consciousness System) by lowering our entropy (chaos within the mind). Therefore, if we try to rescue others not only do we cause them to continue to reject the experience (dooming them to repeating it) but we directly hamper their spiritual growth. We also hamper our spiritual growth because rescuing others is a major distraction from the self. As long as we are other-focused we are not working with our own energy. Suffering is uncomfortable but it's not entirely bad because it does bear a lot of spiritual fruit. When we can sit with someone who is suffering without offering advice or trying to rescue them we actually give them a great gift. We empower them to accept their situation and let them know that even in their darkest hour they are not alone. That's compassion. Conclusion Rescuing always implies judgement of a person or situation. Current society says that if someone is suffering or unhappy change your physical circumstances. Yet, it's rare that a change in the outer reality brings change to the inner reality. No amount of money or physical goods can prompt a person to change their inner reality. What it will do is cause the person to reject their circumstances and thus the aspect of themselves that gave rise to the situation. When we simply bear witness to that suffering with acceptance it changes everything. Nothing needs to be exchanged- no money or words. Simply a physical presence to allow people who are suffering to know that it's okay. That provides true healing. People can then accept that part of themselves that is causing their suffering and give birth to a new pattern of behavior...which may need adjustment and revision but that's how we grow spiritually. Little adjustments here and there in the short term that leads to a complete change in the long term. Providing a space of gentle compassionate non-judgement to others is a great way to serve the Collective.
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This snuck up on me during my path.
Non-judgement? I thought that was impossible. I had rationalized my way against that argument. You have to judge people, places, and things just to survive. If you don't label things good or bad how do you make decisions? Love your neighbor like yourself? Hardly anyone seems to practice that...they call into complain about the grocery clerk that was having a bad day that didn't look them in the eye while ringing their groceries or the waitress who didn't bring the 200th ranch they had requested before they finished their french fries. Treating 'neighbors' like you would be treated was only practiced when on the holy ground of the church because there, surely, God was watching. Forgiving violent offenders. That's just crazy. Who would do that? Who could look at a violent offender and see a human being? Wouldn't that mean that person would end up tolerating them? Keep them out of society. They're not human. They're deserve to suffer. They're monsters! Compassion The Buddhists talk a lot about developing a heart of Compassion. You don't hear a lot about Compassion in Church, on the News, or in Newspapers. Everyone is always quick to condemn that which is deemed harmful or out of the realm of acceptable human behavior. What is Compassion after all? Well, the defintion according to Google is: "Sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortune of others." I really don't like the word pity in there because that's not really what lies at the heart of compasion. Concern falls short of what the Buddhists describe as well... How can you accept someone's loving advice if it comes from pity? The people who have truly compassionate do not pity the individual that is going through hard times. Instead, they recongnize that *everybody* goes through suffering at some point in their lives. Suffering, in Buddhisim, is the natural state of the human being. Suffering is the cause of the choas in the human experience and a person can stop suffering, reach enlightenment, with discipline. Being compassionate isn't the same as chairty. Compassion urges us to take time to get to know another person, to reach out to them, and say the two most healing words a human being can utter, "I understand." Chairty is saying, "You are less then me, I have more, so I will give you stuff to make up for that fact to make myself feel better and in turn assure that you know you are less capable/lucky/blessed then me." Compassion doens't require you to give to the poor. This doesn't require you to go out to prisons and preach to the people there. There is no desire to tell other people how to live their life or that they need to change. There is no desire to convert or teach them. The wise know they cannot change the outer world to suit their desires or other people because that would be a violation of anothers Free Will (freedom to choose for themselves and learn as a result of both good or bad choices). That would be the ultimate vanity. Instead, it's an acknowledgment that you cannot change another human beings perspective. That their perespective, even if it's in error or uninformed or one of powerlessness, is just as *VALID* as any other experience. That they have made choices that you might have made given the same exact circumstances. Compassion comes from the realization that you cannot judge another person because you can empathisize with how they feel and even the poor decisions they made. We all have the potential within us to be 'the bad guys' as much as the potential to be the 'good guys'. Both labels are subjective to the individual. We have all made mistakes. We have all acted out in anger. Yes, myabe I broke the door on a cabinet when I was kid by slamming it shut in anger because I was bullied and didn't know how to ask for help instead of taking a gun to school to exact revenge on my peers. Yet, if I had felt that was the only way for me to express myself in a broken system and I had turned my anger outward instead of inner...I could have. I have known the depths of suffering and despair to understand even that grievous mistake. A war hero can go out and kill hundreds on the other side of the enemy lines...because the people on the other side are labeled enemies. To the other side of the conflict that person is a ruthless murdering monster. The only reason we differentiate between the two is based on who's subjectie 'side' we take but it's the same individual regardless of the perspective. Compassion is not always feeling compasison towards those labeled 'victims' but also to the perpertraor. There is recognition when it comes to human behavior the path is always gray...and each side is equally valid in their reasons...even if one is in error. No one commits a crime that doesn't make sense to them in some way. Often times, those who go out and hurt others were origially 'victims' that are hurting on a level they can't handle so they 'act out.' The perpatrator is usually so badly damaged psychologically that you cannot help but feel compassion. Compassion understands that we are all One and, in truth, there are no right and wrong sides. I Understand The two most powerful words that a person can say. Not, "I'm sorry," because that phrase just communicates pity. That doesn't do anything for anyone. This is one of the worst phrases a person can utter to someone who is suffering. This is an admission of fault on the person who is attempting to empathisize while making it clear they don't understand the suffering. Whether someone has lost a relative or loved one or someone has a mental disorder..."I'm sorry," is the most common and worthless phrase someone can say. "I understand," however, is powerful. First, your validtating the other person's perspective. You're saying how they feel is 'normal,' You're saying that anyone else in the same situation would feel the same way...that you, in that situation, would feel the same way. "I understand," immediately restores some self-worth to another person. Of course, they will test you, "Oh? How deep does your scar run? When have you felt as I have?" That's why the archetype of the Wounded Healer exists. Unless you've known the depth of darkness...chance's are you don't understand. When you can pull out a hefty scar, a memory or expereince that makes the strongest man pale and want to say those dreaded words, "I'm sorry," you have a chance of reaching into the wounded heart of that stranger and transforming how they view the world. "If you can survive all of that," they say, "then surely I can survive this. Thank you." Then you watch them thrive like none other. Reincarnation The belief in reincarnation helped me build a heart of compassion. This is simply because it allows for more responsbility and gives a person a wider perspective. I don't think that I could have built a Heart of Compassion without believing that we have a choice in the lives that we choose to live. That we choose the family that we are born into, the place, and the potential temptations or the paths we choose in life. That responsibility, instead of feeling at the whim of outside sources...is vital for inner peace. That causes me to respect people who have chosen more challenging families and circumstances. Even if they fail I can see that their soul was ambitious and wanted to learn a lot in a very short period of time. That says a lot about their spiritual essence...maybe, it's naieve but they're really trying. I also know that eventually they will make progress. Maybe not in this life but in the next...they will eventually reach the state where they return to the One Creator. There is a lot more fogiveness in the idea of Reincarnation versus the idea that we are only given one life and if we fail at that we are punished for eternity or utterly destroyed as a result. That sort of burden has destroyed many people. I don't know if it's truly possible to be compassionate without believing in reincarnation. Forgiveness Compassion is the ultimate form of non-judgement. Compassion consists of understanding and respect. The consolation offered is not material but on a conscious level. For me, I didn't experience true forgiveness until I developed Compassion. I couldn't practice non-judgement because I organized everyone into 'threat or non-threat.' That is natural for survival. Compassion is like standing at the top of the mountain. You can see the full lay of the land below you from the mountains, to the valleys, deserts and rivers to the sea. You know that each path before you meets with the sea eventually. That all people have the same destination but the route is different. You forgive those who were lured by treasure to go through the burning wastelands and those who ventured into the swamp. They may harm themselves and otherse trying to reach their destination but there is an understanding that they *ARE* trying and our society is woefully bad at giving people the tools to find inner peace. Conclusion Most people don't understand compassion, non-judgement or forgiveness. Of course, this is my biased interpertation based on how I came to each of these on my path. There might be meditations that help people reach this point through methods other then reincarnation but I haven't see any evidence of it by word or deeds of people who choose not to believe in reincarnation...I mostly see harsh and even retaliatory judgement...the desire to kill anyone who might be a 'witch', for example or the Crusades as another or gentiles that were treated as second class citizens. That lies in how we operate in society. We say, "Peace, peace," but we judge and categorize everyone. Even in psychiatry it's admitted that the categories in the DSMV are essentially made up and 'seem to work'...we just categorize people who can't function well in society then instead of teaching them coping methods we give them barely understood medications and social security so they don't go out to participate in society other then their Group Therapy sessions. Buddhists call categorization 'naming activity' it serves no one in the bigger scope of civilization and it leads to suffering. Compassion is releasing fear and understanding that everything is as it should be...and not taking the illusion of life so seriously. There is a great deal of trust and faith that there is something more and some purpose to it all. The stepping stone to that faith is creating a Heart of Compassion. I remember when it hit me during a meditation. I was wondering how people can do such horrible things. Then I realized that each of them have a broken path that they walked. Molesters were most likely molested first...rapists were probably molested. Killers were not raised in loving environments- a good percentage were raised in violent neighborhoods and are second or third generation druggies or mob/gang members. People are, for the most part, a product of their environment, the sins of their parents behavior and their parents behavior passed onto the children who are never given the ability to view life from a different perspective...violence, quick money and drugs are all they know. This doesn't mean that I would want to be around those people. This doesn't mean I would try to save these people from themselves in some sort of out reach program- although I agree with those- I'm not equipped for that type of work. Yet, I can still look at those people and say, "That's a human being that's suffering and really needs help...how much will it take for them to ask for help? Will they ever in this life?" Of course, that brings up a lot of questions but it's clear we need a bettr Mental Health program in this country that currently just prescribes Xanax to stressed out upper class people. |
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Brave Soul! May Your Journey On The Path Of The Seeker Bring You Joy and Peace! I'm currently posting every Saturday. With a new addition the family I have pre-scheduled most posts through December 2022. Full Moon Posts will contain up-to-date content when I can get to them. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! This is a place where you can encounter new spiritual ideas that have helped me develop as an Individual On The Path of the Seeker. Take or Leave this information as you see fit. Archives
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