Strange title...I know.
Yet, this adequately describes what has happened in my life. I had realized at some point in the past year that there was something blocking my abundance. I was becoming more abundant but it was very touch and go. Sometimes things worked out and sometimes they went sideways. I usually felt there was a lot of effort involved and I couldn't figure out why because based on my research that shouldn't be the case. Things should have been effortless. I'm reminded of the dream vision I had of Yeshua. Where he came to visit me in the garage- that represented my projects- and the trailer was taken out. That trailer had looked like it was filled with party goers but when it was pulled out and emerged from the garage they were all soldiers in full regalia. I didn't know what that meant at the time. Well, now and it turns out I was blocking my own abundance. Making Demands On The Universe I know from research that if you try to dictate how the universe does things it delays manifestation. I just never considered that there were more then one way to dictate what we think the universe should do...and that I was trying to do just that! I wanted to continue to work after Michelle Annmarie was born...well, the independent part of me that wanted a life outside of my family wanted me to continue to work. I wanted to continue to have all of the things that I had developed when I was independent- primarily my 2016 Ford Ranger that was impractical and my dog Angel. I knew that Ross had wanted me to get rid of that truck for a long time. I had resisted for 9 years. He wanted me to get rid of the truck because it was not gas friendly and not family friendly. He had a truck too, but he bought one that the entire family could fit in, but I didn't understand why I had to make the sacrfice and he didn't. After all, I had bought that truck off the lot and I had paid it off (some of which occurred after I married Ross but not long after). So, here I wanted a family but Iu wasn't willing to bend in order to have one. I still wanted my independnece...and I was effectively blocking Ross off from what he desired (aside from his music, he's always been able to buy whatever he wanted for his music). Focusing On The Negative I knew, based on my research, that expecting bad things to happen makes them happen. This has been clincally proven by psychology. They call it the self-fulfilling prophecy. In metaphysics it's called the Law of Attraction. I don't know if I was raised to expect the worse or if it was something left over from a past life. I just know that since I was little that was always my expectation...that the worse case scenario would occur. Training myself not to focus on the negative has been a huge undertaking. I've really had to transform my entire process of analyzing a situation. In a lot of ways, it's as simple of learning to let go of an outcome. I put forth the best effort I can towards the positive goal that I desire (called setting an intention...and yes, it does require you to make some sort of effort even if it's printing or cutting out images from a magazine to put on a dream board) and then I let it go. This is not the easiest thing to do if you are used to dwelling on the negative and used to focusing on the worse. Seeing The Dirt My mom was a clean freak when I was growing up. She spent 99% of her day cleaning our house in detail. She had a system. Bathrooms were deep cleaned on a specific day of the week, the kitchen was deep cleaned on a specific day, floors detailed cleaned on a certain day, etc. You get my point. Yet, my father always found the dirt in the house and demanded what my mom had been doing all day. He didn't care if it was a bathroom day...if there was dust on the mantle it meant my mom hadn't done anything. This was completely subconscious behavior on his part...if you ask him about this today he won't remember that he was like that back then and completely deny this behavior. Yet, this behavior set a precedent in my mind. I started seeing only the dirt when I went places. I couldn't appreciate the decorations, the environment I was in or anything...as long as there was dirt I felt disappointed/disgusted. I had a district manager for Starbucks come in one day to the location I used to work at in Big Bear Lake California. I was the highest authority there since my store manager liked to flake out and I was the acting assitant manager...which means I had all of the stress and responsibility without the pay or the title. Anyways, I had to deal with this guy because there was no one else. He pointed out that there were dirts in the ducts that ran along the vaulted ceiling...then he explained that the reason he was promoted was because he could see that dust when no one else could. I admit, it's a flaw of mine not to look up when I'm at places. Sometimes, such as riding The Pirates of the Carribian that's a good thing...it ruins the illusion if you look up on that ride. In fact, most of the time it's a good thing...but on that day I learned what it felt like to deal with someone who only sees dirt. He didn't offer any positive feedback...be just pointed out the one random thing I had never thought to clean because it was out of my line of sight. Yet, perhaps that is why he got promoted...or he was really good at selling that the trait of noticing the dirt was desireable to his potential employers. Life is like that...if you focus only on seeing the bad in a situation you miss out on all of the good parts and there are always good...even in the worst situations. Personally, I've learned Ineed to focus on teh good and not the bad. Sometimes It Takes Time Recently a friend of mine who was leagally blind but under went surgery stated he was giving up on driving. HIs dream is to drive because he's been denied for so long. Yet, it's difficult for him I told him that if he throws in the towel so easily it is clearly not something he really wants. Then I explained that if I had believed what the experts had told me about whether or not I could carry a child...Michelle wouldn't be here today. What you want may not come to you automatically. Often, we have a lesson to learn if it's blocked. That's how Spirit works...it's the old bait and carrot trick. If you want something you need to learn how to perform the trick. You see the potential to get the object you desire but sometimes it takes discipline to attain it...and that discipline and persistance are both very valuable qualities to develop. Of course, lessons from Spirit always contain a positive...but we just need to develop the eyes to see the positive lesson in every experience that we have. Recently I've had a lot of experienecs people would define as 'negative' and I could have sat here texting my old friend about how much life sucks and how disappointed that this or that happened or how unsupported I was...but...out of those negative experienecs really positive things happened. Yes, some of it was delayed (because I was delaying myself by being on the Negative Thought Train)...but all of it worked out. I just had to develop the eyes to see the positive and be thankful for what had originally appeared as negative experiences holding onto the idea that somehow they held a kernal of good that was neccesary on the path of self-development. Ryukhar My husband started watching a guy on YouTube named Ryukhar. At first, I did mock my husband for it...I prefer to play videogames to watching someone else play them. Yet, after watching a few videos I enjoy it as much as he does...and I see the value. Ryu, as he goes by as well, is a very personable and likeable guy. I've mentoned Ryukhar before but I've learned a very valuable perspective from watching his videos. He plays these insanely hard games and levels on Mario Maker. Now, if it were me I would probably be so frustrated by how many times I had to play a level in order to win it that I would give up. I'd thrown the controller. Sometimes he'll use 60+ lives just on one level of Mario Maker Expert because it is so difficult and requires a precise trick. I have a lot of paiteience but I don't have that much. Yet, his perspective and philosophy is what sets him apart from other people. My husband and I have checked out other people who broadcast themselves playing Mario Maker or other games...and they're just not as captivating. First, Ryukhar is emotive...you can always tell what he is thinking by his reactions. That makes moments where he is surprised absolutely hilarious. That transparency is part of what makes him so likeable and root for him. The experiene is like watching a Super Hero be victorious over their enemies...you were rooting for them the entire time and it makes you happy to see him succeed and set new records. Other gamers tend to be stoic and because they lack that emotional connectability...they're boring. Since they don't appear to care why should we? Second, no matter how frustrating a level is Ryu will give it his best effort in an attempt to beat it. Even if he just goes to the next screen or next section of the level...he calls it progress. Instead of dwelling on what is not working...or how many times he's died...or how frustrated he is...he chooses to focus on the positive. He celebrates even the smallest amount of progress or getting a particular trick right consistantly. This is refreshing and you can't help but celebrate with him. Others sit there and complain and cuss out the game. That's just not attractive. That makes me want to see them lose because no one wants to see a poor loser rewarded. Personally I find it so annoying I'll change to a different video. I don't find hateful people entertaining. My point is that Ryu has taught me to celebrate even the smallest progress. This is a fantastic skill to learn and I am very thankful for the fact that my husband began to watch Ryukahr as a form of entertainment. This is just one of those examples that you can come across people in the most interesting places that can teach you a valueable lesson. Complaining/Venting This is where I was blocking my abundance. I thought Venting/Complaining was healthy. That's what therapists teach...they listen to people vent in a safe place. What I learned is that this was a misuse of energy and actually caused me to block my abundance. Venting only enabled me to continue to focus on and create more negative experiences. Venting/Complaining or telling stories takes a lot of energy. I already explained in other blogs how I had a mystical experiene where I was instructed to 'accept the deal' of ending a friendship. At the time I didn't understand why this was so important or why it was happening. I probably would have resisted letting go of that friendship without this communication. I know part of why I had stayed in the relationship was the martyr complex I've had since I was little that I completley blame on the interpertation of Yeshua that churchs perpetuate. I was willing to sacrfice myself in order to help buttress her up during a time of extreme trial that she had unwittingly created by making self-serving decisions. I thought that by being there for her I could help her...almst Unfortunately, I was channeling a lot of my energy into her and neglecting the areas of my life- such as my husband and unborn daughter- where that energy should have been spent. Sacrificing myself energentically for her was just utterly wrong. In that relationship I was venting/complaining about my husband. This was driving a wedge between myself and Ross. He felt, just as he did after we lost Lilith-Ann, that he was carrying the full burden of this pregnancy. As a result, I was draining him of his energy. He even developed a problem with his cholestrol (it was off the charts high) as a result of the stress from the sales job he never wanted (that was not orginally part of the employment agreement but they never specified the job duties in writing) and trying to take care of everything while I was on bed rest. Compaling about our lives and husband was all that my old friend and I had in common anymore...we realized we had drastically different approaches to life and spirituality. She was very insulted when I suggested she had chosen her parents to learn particular life lessons..while she had been somewhat open minded when I met her...her mind was completely closed to any ideas other then fundamentalist Christianity by the end of our friendship. The only thing we really discussed was what was going wrong in our lives and the relationship had become spritually draining. Speech is important...what you focus on is what you get. By focusing on only how much I disliked certain situations and how I felt powerless...I created more of those experiences. That's what was preventing me from manifesting abundance...there was a trickle of abundance that leaked past this barrier...but it was very uneven and unbalanced...just as I was uneven and unbalanced because of the relationship I had with her. That relationship had been psychologically draining because I took on the suffering that she was experiencing...I was accepting that burden which was not mine to bear. Further, it made me frustrated because I couldn't change things...she would make a poor decision and it was torture watching her pay for it because I only wanted the best for her and she wouldn't listen to me when I said there was another way to conduct her life. What I realized once the friendship ended is that I could spend the same amount of time and energy I had focusing on her problems and talking about mine...solving the problems I had complained about with her...and to my amazement my husband, Ross, has gone along with the fixes I've come up with. My energy level has shot through the roof without having the drain of trying to psycholigically support her (yeah, I realize now I was enabling and empowering her poor decisions). Instead of wasting a lot of time and attention on conveying my sadness or disappointment or frustration...I used my time and energy to solve the problems. I didn't ask permission...I just started doing things and all of it has worked out. I started setting my intentions, investigating how to meet them...and boom they were delivered. Almost all of the things I've set my gaze on recently have instantly manifested. I just had to learn to be more flexible...and apply what I learned at work in my personal life. This has taken the load off of my husband's back...and all of a sudden I've been super abundant...and so has he...it's like a dam has been removed and things are just flowing naturally for the better equipping both of us to attain our greatest dreams in a very natural effortless way. The Husband Changing Jobs Now, this is one of those situations where the something bad happens but something incredibly good came out of it (this has happeend a lot recently) almost instantly (that's new!). My husband couldn't take California paternity leave because the company that he works for processes his taxes through a different state. He was not a happy camper and so he chose to leave the company. That job had promised insurance but it never came through. Thankfully my husband had a lot of choices including going back to the company he had left. The great news is that the job provides medical at a decent price. Even better is that they matched the pay he was making and was automatically given two weeks of vacation. Also, when he went in for the interview his former boss not only hired him as a manager but offered to pay for a Bachelors degree in Engineering...he just has to pick the online school he wants to go to! This 'bad event' turned into an opportunity that is beyond my husband's wildest dreams! Becoming A Housewife I was really trying to hold onto my job. I felt obligated to return...and that I would be a terrible person if I went out on leave and didn't come back. I love being a barista, I didn't want to lose my seniority, my indepdence and I think Albertson's is a great place to retire from. I also love the people there. I felt that working gave me value and I couldn't see how it was possible for me to quit. I felt like being a housewife would be a free loader and that my husband would resent me. With the extra time to myself and Michelle going to the Neonatal Intenseive Care Unit in a manner that was very similar to her older sister that passed away...my life was put into perspective. My precious time with Michelle Annmarie was also put into perspective. Right now, in life, the most important job I have is being the very best mommy possible for my Little One and the Best Wife ever for my hard working husband that is finally receiveing what he has earned thanks to his dedication and hard work. With all of this in mind and my new opitmistic energetic mindset... I had a sudden realization. From a pratical point of view I didn't have to work because my husband makes an income that can easily pay for our basic needs and I was mostly at work for the super cheap insurance. I realized, that in September I was going on Cobra. That's a California program that allows a person to keep their insurance for a year after they leave a job or they are on a leave of absence. That means I can keep that price of insurance for the next year. The price isn't as cheap as when I was working because the company isn't contirbuting their part but it's not as expensive as getting independent coverage. I don't want to leave Michelle. I feel as though I almost lost her when she went to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit...and I want to take care of my husband. Breast feeding while working is just not realistic. My work doesn't have a dedicated room and breast pumping in the break room even covered with a shawl I will do a review on....would be awkward. Further, pumping every two hours while at work is not going to be possible. The rushs are unpredictable and I might be about to go pump and get stuck on the bar for another hour because we get slammed. That just won't work. My daughter and her health is the most important to me, however, so I have decided not to go back to work. I will be a house wife which will be humbling but I see that all of the things that represented my independence are now gone...and I am now focused on the commual family experience. I have completely switched gears and it's time for me to let go of working and focus on the two people who matter the most. Further, it wouldn't be conducive if I did go back to work because I'd have to pray I got enough hours for insurance, but not 8 hours a day which would cost too much in babysitting. I also would have to pray that I hit the amount of hours I need in the next year for FMLA so that next August I could go out again when we try for another child. I had to do that the last year I worked since the surgery I had on my Uterus to remove the septum...and it was so stressful! I had to count hours every week to make sure that they gave me enough for both my insurance and for the FMLA. Sometimes they gave me twice as much as I needed and sometimes the were short an hour and I had to have them fix the scehdule. Further, I was a litle worried that I might have to give up writing my blog and making my YouTube Videos...as a housewife that will no longer be an issue. Trying For Number Two We've decided that we will try for a second child starting in August of 2019 for two reasons. First, both of us wanted two children and, aside frome the NICU experience and being on bed rest for so long the pregnancy with Michelle was pristine. We shouldn't have any issues with number two. I've had two unrelated people that were practically strangers tell me it was God's Will. Direct messages from Spirit on such issues are rare and I'm not one to ignore them. Conclusion Letting go of my independence has been tough. Everything I let go of were things that I did solely for myself. I find that fascinating. Not that I don't think taking care of Michelle is something for me, she is- afterall- the heart and soul of my deepest desire. I've always wanted children. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. Yet, I convinced myself it was not possible and undersireable for various reasons. Now that my dream has come true...in many ways Ross' dreams have also come true. His heart has always been at Gale Banks Engineering. That's just where he's meant to be and the fact that they are going to pay for him to get his Bachelors in Enginnering is an even greter dream. You see, Ross' Dad helped pay for Ross' sister to get her Doctrate using money from an aunt or grandmother that had passed away. He wouldn't pay for Ross to go to school be Ross didn't do well in high school. That was a major dilemma in Ross' life. By working through my own issues...I've helped him too. To see things work out on such a huge level is amazing. That's proof that if you work on yourself you will lift up others.
0 Comments
One of my favorite things is to meditate. However, most people try to make this an overly complex method. Instead, meditation is just a way to learn how to direct the mind. We can use it in a very structured way, in a specific place, or we can use it as a way to appreciate every action in which we partake.
What is Meditation? Most people think meditation requires a very particular ritual with very demanding physical constraints that only people dedicated to certain religions like Buddhism can partake. The idea that the average person cannot apply meditation as they go about ordinary every day tasks is false. According to Google the definition of meditation is: "the action or practice of meditating: "a life of meditation" synonyms: contemplation · thought · thinking · musing · pondering · [more a written or spoken discourse expressing considered thoughts on a subject:
Meditation is the art of placing the mind where we want it to go. In Turning the Mind Into An Ally by Sakyong Mipham he calls the mind "wind horse." The untrained mind can gallop off in a million different directions at once. Meditation is the practice of learning how to calm and direct that horse. While the form can be very important there are actually many different ways to meditate. There are some very formal ways, where the posture must be exact, the eyes opened a certain amount, and the focus placed on the breath. Then there is the way of turning ordinary tasks such as a walk into a form of meditation. We can choose to meditate, to place the mind, on a specific subject. Or, we can choose to work on clearing out the mind of unnecessary thoughts. The key component and the importance of learning how to meditate (or to think about for that matter) is to learn how to calm and direct our thoughts. Too often people are the victim of their own wild thoughts. What You Think You Create... ":...when these are thus applied, harmony, peace, and penitence, brotherly love and forgiveness, and fellowship...(and are)...in the activities in the experience of the entity...These are not nearly names- they are not merely conditions to be considered on Sunday or on holidays or certain seasons, but are to be living experiences- in every phase of the entity's experience..." Edgar Cacye Reading 1827-1 "We are what we think. All that arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." - Buddha "Your vibe attracts your tribe." - Unknown In psychology there is the concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy. There have been studies showing that when a person places their mind on certain expectations the mind (the subconscious according to the the theory) will subconsciously do everything in it's power to make that thought a reality. So, if you constantly think you're going to stub your toe on the lip of concrete that separates your patio and garden...you're mind says, "Your wish is my command," and it will create the conditions that will cause you to stub your toe! In the book The Secret this concept was called The Law of Attraction. Here is a brief video on the Law of Attraction (which is basically the same as the Self-Fullfilling Prophecy in Psychology):
Cultivating Loving Thoughts
The mind is like a garden. We can choose what we plant in that garden by making a choice regarding what we think about. Not only can we use meditation to direct our thoughts by clearing our mind of thoughts but we can then decide what we want to think about. Love and peacefulness are two of the most powerful subjects on which we can meditate. Love, of course, has many different levels. There is brotherly love, the love of friendship, romantic love, the love between a child and parent...etc. To quote 1 Corinthians 13:4: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." When we learn how to direct our thoughts to what we want the most powerful focus is on love. One of the major steps is learning how to love ourselves, not in an egotistical vain way, but to accept each part of our own thoughts, are history no matter how complicated or what dark road we have traveled. One of the ways we can undergo this metamorphosis is by using meditation or directing our thoughts on love. Making a Sacred Space A sacred space is not absolutely necessary to meditate but it really does help cultivate the loving peaceful feeling that meditation should invoke. This is a place that purely reflects you and makes you happy. I recently wrote a blog on this but I'll give a brief description here. A sacred place is a location in your home that is set aside just for the purpose of nourishing yourself. The importance of having a specific place dedicated to the Sacred Space is to make it a sanctuary from the ordinary world with all of it's demands. A simple shrine, such as Hindu or Catholic religions use will be fine. Otherwise, a small area with items that invoke peace, happiness and love are important. Entering and exiting the sacred space can be performed in a ritual form or just a prayer. The most important distinction is that the sacred place is reflective of calm, peaceful and loving thoughts. Clearing The Mind One of the most important methods in Meditation is to clear the mind of thoughts. I find the mind is a bit like a basket. Sometimes, we put so much information into our basket that it becomes overwhelming. Then we have so many errant thoughts and things that we are thinking about we become overwhelmed. Sitting down to meditate and really take the time to cleanse our mind is important. Especially during stressful times when we don't tend to take time and step away from our fast paced and often emotional lives. When we take out times to sit by ourselves, whether it's in the bath tub or in our sacred space, we nourish our own spirit. The method I used to clear my mind of thoughts is one that Sakyong Mipham describes in his book Turning the Mind Into An Ally. Here is the method although a little modified: Sitting with your legs crossed (indian style) with elbows resting and the back straight. Focus on your breath. Whenever a thought enters your mind label it as a thought. There is no reason to indulge or dwell on the thought. Instead you release it. I like to imagine that it turns into a bird that I mentally release that flows out over the ocean. Then return your thoughts to the breath. This helps to clear out all of those racing and unwanted thoughts. Often we carry around in our head several lists of to dos. When our list of things to do or tasks to remember become too large the brain can start to feel like a swimmer drowning in a lake of reminders. I performed this meditation for about two years every day for fifteen minutes. I return to it when I start to feel overwhelmed in daily life. I find that I'm able to approach ideas and problems with a fresh mindset after performing this meditation. Every Day Tasks In every day tasks we can cultivate loving thoughts. We can do this when we cook dinner. Instead of doing the hurried method of throwing a pre-made meal in the microwave we can teach ourselves hot to cook. Each step of the process from cutting up the vegetables and the meat to cooking the meal on our stove can be an act of love and appreciation. We can have appreciation for the entire process that went into making our favorite meal. We can do this when cleaning up the house. By appreciating every object, and every item that we clean. We can choose to say a little prayer of thankfulness to Spirit for the abundance in our own life. We can also do this when going for a walk. Select an inspirational quote then go on a walk where you contemplate that quote. Enjoy the sun on your face, the smell of the grass, and focus on the actual sensation as you walk and contemplate this quote. By the end of the walk you're almost guaranteed to feel refreshed. By under taking these acts with an appreciation of the abundance we receive every day we can start to direct our mind to more peaceful loving thoughts. By focusing on what we have and being thankful we attract even more abundance into our lives. Conclusion There is no right or wrong way to meditate. We meditate every time we place our mind on a particular thought or feeling. Often we do t his unconsciously and trigger self-fulfilling prophecies unknowingly. However, with the power of directed meditation as an aide we can start directing our mind to thankfulness and cultivate love in the garden of our mind. We can also use our mind to perform an inner healing. I have even included in my "Sacred Space" blog how to perform a Crystal Cleansing Meditation. With this tool we can start to attract to us the experiences we really want in our lives and the people that will benefit us the most. Life is a little like the movie the Matrix, but it is a Matrix of Love and Emotion that really connects all of us within creation (not a heartless computer). When we cultivate love, peacefulness, and kindness by placing our mind on these powerful positive lives we fill a deep spiritual well within ourselves. As that well grows it becomes easier to share that "water of life" with others by reaching out to them. Those with empty wells will hurry by a stranger without even noticing them and creates a world of isolated people fearfully trying to avoid their next encounter. When the well is full we are faster to say, "Hello," to a stranger with a smile which can change their entire day. We are more likely to lend an ear to a person that needs someone to listen. We are more likely to lend a hand when someone says they need help. This is why consciously learning how to clear our thoughts, direct our mind and focus our thoughts on cultivating love can be so valuable. |
Author:
Thank You For Visiting
Brave Soul! May Your Journey On The Path Of The Seeker Bring You Joy and Peace! I'm currently posting every Saturday. With a new addition the family I have pre-scheduled most posts through December 2022. Full Moon Posts will contain up-to-date content when I can get to them. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! This is a place where you can encounter new spiritual ideas that have helped me develop as an Individual On The Path of the Seeker. Take or Leave this information as you see fit. Archives
April 2024
|