As I conveyed in last weeks blogs about the Law of Attraction and Synchronicity I have had a lot of indications that I needed to let go. In one day, there were a bunch of items that talked about letting go...a card from one of the sites I follow, a video by Victor Oddo, and even today there was a weekly tarot card reading by Doreen Virtue that talked about...yup transformation.
I have discovered some of the things that I have been carrying with me when it comes to old grudges from the past. Not only did I not need to bring up those old issues when examining future choices and situations...I realized I needed to completely let go of the person that I have been for the past two years. Transformation I know all of us can look to the past and see how we have transformed. The person we were five, teen or fifteen years ago almost seems foreign to us. We definitely transform from one era of our life to another and usually in a subtle progression that we are not even aware of during the transformation. There is a concept, however, that is better suited for rapid growth. I know, personally, I'm desiring some rapid growth. I have , for two years, been captive to a situation that I faced for a very short period of time, about one month of upheaval, and I've been stuck in that past holding onto all of the emotional fall out that occurred because of what happened. What I realized last night is that I don't need to be that person anymore. In fact, I don't even recognize the person I was in January of this year I have changed and grown so much. What I've Been Creating I realized that in my closest relationship, the one with my husband, I've been creating a sense of being unsupported. This started two years ago when my daughter was born prematurely and died because her lungs were not developed enough for her to live normally. I pushed everyone away when she died...the pain was just so great that just to function I couldn't focus on it. I couldn't say my daughters name for over a year without falling into a crying fit and having a panic attack. My biggest issue is that I felt the Creator had turned it's back on me by allowing my daughter to die. Not only did I feel unsupported by my family, friends, and even my spouse...but I felt unsupported by the universe itself. I projected that feeling, on a subconscious level, onto my husband. Part of it was that I simply wasn't communicating with him as I had when we first met. When we first met I was very bold and blunt. I was very much a take me as I am or not at all person who stood my ground. I know that I've been creating this sense of being unsupported by him, that he supports his friends and family more than he does me, through my actions. However, I also realize that I stopped looking to him for support in a lot of ways. Our path diverged as I went through my healing process because I turned back to my spirituality to find some meaning in it all. He has no desire for finding meaning in anything. I lean more on my friends than I do him when I want advice or I need to vent. Our communication level went down a lot in the last two years. I simply stopped talking about a lot of things with him. He is not spiritual like I am so I can't talk to him about new avenues of interest I've come across in that area. I have plenty of friends that are interested, however, and so I find communion with them. I have other areas of support for all of the areas that my husband can't relate to me. That has given me a sense of not having much support from him. Yet, it's not that he doesn't support me and my decisions...he does, it's just there haven't been a lot of decisions that involved him in the past two years. The past two years have been intensely personal for me and the process of extracting myself from the grief I experienced was difficult. A Little Taste As I said before I have known about the Law of Attraction for almost a decade. Hardly anyone knew about it back then. Bashar, for the most part, and his description is what fundamentally began to help me understand how it works in the last two years. This has helped me a lot to recover and make the necessary changes to get back to being self-confident. Then I had a little taste of it working recently. This little taste is giving me the hope and the inspiration to reach out further...to grown in new ways and restored my faith little by little. A New Me The concept I've latched onto in the last twenty four hours and really embraced is that I am a new person. In this moment, right now, I have the memories of all of the events in my life...but I also have a choice. That choice is to see myself as a completely new person and that those experiences no longer belong to me. I don't have to operate the rest of my life based on those past experiences. I don't have to carry them forward with me. I don't have to own them. In a sense, I can look back at them as though they were a past life. Maybe, that's why I don't feel very old, although when I was in my teens I thought thirty was old (and I'm thirty four). I almost feel as though I've gone through multiple life times in this life. I was a different person in every city that I moved to...sometimes I was the popular kid and sometimes I was the outcast. I was the video gaming twenty year old who played MMORPG (only role playing games) into the wee hours of the night. I was the woman who's ex-husband nearly killed her and then claimed he had no memory of the event. I was the angsty writer who actually got published. I was the powerful business woman who was going to work her way into corporate and change companies for the better of everyone. Then I was the grieving mother locked into being stuck between depression about a past I could not change filled with regret and extreme anxiety about the future. There have been many other versions of me too. Even more amazing is that I realized I am not that person anymore, they were roles I played for a short period of time. That's all they were, just roles, that I played for a short duration. I do not need to carry their burdens forward. Almost like past lives, I can leave their stories, their psychological burdens, their short comings and their tragedies in the past. I can carry forward the major lessons I learned about myself and the behaviors that did not benefit me...but I don't have to continue their story. A Fresh Start Starting today, I'm not going to look to the past to define my future. This is a new book, and this is the very first page in a very new chapter with a very different character than I have ever played. I have learned a lot of valuable lessons that I can apply to the future. Yet, I have the ability to write my future, starting from today, with every act I take and every word I say. That can define who I am today in a way that is not influenced by the past. In a way, it's kind of like a birthday, a new beginning. The past is the past, the way I used to react to things, that script that has played out so often is also of the past. I can't change that at all. I can change how I approach interactions today. Instead of reacting to situations on a completely emotional level, I am able to step away and decide what to do. Not only for myself, but for the other person. Sometimes, what we think is the easiest best way to do something doesn't really benefit others. I have been very blunt in the past, a say it how it is sort of person, and that at my core essence is who I am. I know myself far better than anyone else and I will not let other people attempt to define or project on me their issues. I do choose to be uplifting to other people, to reach out, to say I care. To try, even if there is no return, to do good unto others. That's where my passion lies and it doesn't take a certain job or anything in particular to do that...just mindfulness in the moment. Conclusion Sometimes, letting go isn't just about letting go of certain burdens or behaviors that we have carried over from the past. Sometimes, we have to let go of who we were in past situations and how we responded to things. Often, we carry the emotional and psychological scars from the past into our Now. I've learned when I do that I'm on the offensive, I'm very constricted energetically and I have tunnel vision. In that state I'm very reactionary, trying to react and prevent things from happening again and thanks to the self-fulfilling prophecy I create more of what I don't want. While it's hard to leave an old identity in the past it's a bit like shedding ones skin. I realize that feeling of being unsupported that I experienced when my entire world was falling apart and my daughter was suffering in her incubator...is not the image I have to be frozen into for the rest of my life. I can choose to change it and I have changed it. That isn't me anymore. I'm not coming from that place of being unsupported. I have friends and family that are not involved in my daily drama who can look at me and tell me, "That's not right." Just having people like my friend Jennifer there to sympathize with me through my ups and downs has really helped. She validates my emotions and she gives me a new perspective when I really need one. I know that I can call on others when I need help as well, such as my friend Vica, and dozens of others. I am more supported than I have ever been. Sure, it's not all coming from my husband but he can only do what he can. He works a lot and he needs to focus on staying mentally steady within his own daily schedule. Nor should the burden have ever completely fallen on him for all of my needs. Having a diverse network of friends who can offer advice and support is important. I embrace this new version of myself, that is different and separate from that person in the past. I let go of all of that which has defined me in the last two years. I don't feel the need to tell people about the loss of my daughter, the terrible events that lead up to that and how it destroyed my world. I am a whole, complete and confident person again. I have no interest in changing the world or corporations anymore...just my little corner of the world. If everyone worked on just changing and improving the little corner they are given maybe we could have peace on Earth. Further, I believe that this new stance will take my relationship with my husband to a new more authentic level. Now that the communication channels have been opened we both have the opportunity to adjust and change. He's been very receptive of everything and willing to hear everything I have to say.
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In the world, this week has been a tough one. The fear and anxiety in our nation.
In contrast, my life is becoming more of a reflective series of synchronicity and miracles. We had the presidential debates at the start of the week which had everyone very wound up (and was a draw with both sides proclaiming themselves the winner). Sadly, I feel that there was a lack of compassion with both candidates. Neither of them told the people in the different cities that are being torn apart with racial issues or that have been harmed by Terrorists...instead they used those examples against each other showing no compassion for the people in those towns. Of course, there was another police shooting of a black person that ended up in the news. The facts about that person are being ignored, that he was a refugee immigrant that the government tried to deport to his own country would not take back, the fact that he had a long criminal record, and that he clearly took a stance implying he had a weapon that he pointed at the police officer. The lack of compassion for police officers and the danger they put themselves in every day is sickening. Our nation is experiencing polarization, I could see this coming at the end of last year based on our movies. Batman vs. Superman. Captain America Civil War. People taking sides and battling out each other for no real reason. I had a dream that the emotional water of life was being polluted. I with a few other people took up places on black boulders in the ocean where we played our song to counter this flow of poison. The media continues to try to categorize and label human behavior in defiance of what psychology states that there are too many diverse people with too many experiences with too many different reactions to assign labels or categorize human behavior. This blog is one of the ways that I defy the emotional pollution that is the current media portrayal of the United States. So, today, I'm going to share the big lessons that I learned about the Law of Attraction. Being of Service I'm going to be blunt...if you don't dedicate yourself to service to others the Law of Attraction probably won't kick into high gear for you. You might find little things such as a parking spot near the front of a store that you are going to shop at...but the big changes won't happen. For me this is huge, and I don't see it included anywhere when it comes to the law of attraction. The reason that being of service is so important has to do with the multi-faceted system that we exist within. The creator- All-That-Is- is within every molecule and atom in this universe. Everyone and everything is a part of the Creator. Naturally, the Creator can't hate himself. Naturally, he wants all of his creations to continue to exist and love one another. Just as a mother or father wants to see all of their children get along...the Creator does not want to see any of its creations turning on each other to destroy one another. To really align with the nature of the Creator/God/All-That-IS...we have to dedicate ourselves to service to others. This is because by serving others we are in tune and alignment with God/The Creator/All-That-Is. The phrase in the Lord's Prayer says it perfectly, "Thy will (not mine) be done..." We have to put our warped desire to create on our own aside. We have humble ourselves before the Creator realizing that the Creations of the Creator/Great Spirit are perfect. This opens the channel for God/The Creator/All-That-IS to act in our lives...we move over so he can shower his love and abundance on us. At the end of the day the Creator of all...that is all...doesn't want us to suffer. Yet, we have to submit that we are not as good as creating as the Creator and release control over to God/The Creator/All-That-IS. We do this by being of service to others and to the Creator/All-That-IS. Here is a little prayer I said: "Creator, please let me be a vessel through which your divine light may shine for others. I submit to you, knowing that you have the divine plan that I cannot see just as I do not know how many hairs are upon my head. You, Great Spirit, do know and I only wish that others come to know you through me so they may learn that they too can find peace." Let Go of The Outcome This is an extension of the last part...once we submit we have to let go of the outcome. This is so important because sometimes God will bring something far better into our lives when we let go. Yet, it is up to us to release the pain and expectations born of experience that we have carried in our hearts. As long as we carry that pain and those expectations into the future we will only continue to create the same outcome that we have experienced. We set the intention, "I would like X, Y and Z." Then we let go of the actual outcome. We are just putting our little prayer out there and then leaving the rest up to God. Then God, in infinite wisdom, knows that we are in a state of acceptance. Sure, sometimes what we specifically asked for doesn't happen....but when we release all expectations of the outcome...something better shows up. I sat down when I was done with all of my ex's and wrote a wish list for what I was looking for in a guy. Down to eye color. I'm not kidding on this one...there were over a hundred things I listed. Then I burnt it...I consider it a prayer and a wish that I offered up to God and that once it was done...if it happened it happened...and if it didn't it didn't...but I'd put that energetic state of anticipation out there. That's when I met Ross. He fulfills many of the qualities in that list...and some flaws that were definitely not on that list. However, he far surpassed any expectation I had for myself and had I not been in place where I was confident in being alone I probably would not have attracted him. I knew, however, that I had placed my order with the universe and I was confident that The Creator would provide. I know now that was a form of manifestation, but at the same time I didn't it all naturally. This is a natural process. What You Resist Persists This has been a hard one for me. Bashar says that all the things that are good that we want are trying to come to us but that we keep them away. All of things that don't serve us are trying to get away but we won't let them go. There is always a reason, some sort of way that a belief is serving us if we cannot let it go. Sometimes, for example when there is a change coming, it is out of a false sense of security that we hold onto limiting beliefs. I've had this huge thing with resisting fear, resisting feeling fear, or admitting when I'm scared or heeding what that might mean. I explained this in my previous blog. What I did was create a cycle. Things would get to a point where they were really really good. That's when I would start being afraid that things were going to fall apart. Then, sure enough just as I feared, something would come along and my entire life was torn apart again. This was symbolized in a dream one night, where a dragon (Fear) came to tear apart my life (albeit the life was in a virtual reality simulator so I wasn't really scared of it)...but instead of waiting for the destruction I went out to meet the dragon, he turned into a human and we had a discussion. Just realizing that I hold onto certain fears associated with the future, another pregnancy loss for example, and that based on my experience I cast those fears as expectations onto that future experience... leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy (a concept scientifically proven to exist in psychology)...has been wonderfully eye opening. I realize, those fears of the past are not something I want to project onto my future. I am starting to have that glimmer of hope in my heart again...and trust in the Infinite that what is meant to be will be through the hand of the Creator. As soon as you turn to face these fears...they dissolve and there is an expansive freedom. I realize, that I have been keeping that idea at bay...that it is my fear, because I experienced such tremendous pain in the past, that has kept me from moving forward. Now, I have been able to open my heart to the infinite possibilities that exist in that realm as I release the need to regulate and restrict by my past experiences. Fake it Until You Make It Now this one is a bit fascinating. A lot of people make manifestation a thinking activity. They say you first have to set an intention. They make boards of all of the things they want, they cut out images from magazines of what they want and they put them up on the boards. I heard one guy put a house up on his and then was amazed when he actually moved into that exact house many years later. He only meant to live in a similar house when he put it up on his board because as far as he knew the occupants of that house had been happy. He hadn't realized he moved into that exact house until he'd emptied out a box and sat in stunned silence at how amazing...and unintentional it had been...just a series of mistakes and coincidences that lead to him living in that house. Yet, sometimes it's hard to be in that receiving state. If we are in a low energy state where we are shutting out the rest of the world (I call it turtle mode) it is very hard to get back into the expansive mode of receptivity. What I've discovered is that you can fake it until you make it. When someone asks you how your day is...state that it's fantastic. Even if you're feeling terrible on the inside for some strange reason that you can't even identify...say that you're fantastic. Just by sending out that intention, in this subtle way, into the Universe the world transforms and begins to reflect back to you this idea. People react far more positively to people who say they are fantastic...than to those who start listing all of the woes and injustices that they have experienced. Then one day, without realizing the shift...you'll realize that your life is fantastic, that you are doing fantastic...and boom you're in that receptive expansive state of consciousness where the universe just starts flooding you with goodies. So, if you don't think you can get into that positive state...Fake it until you make it my friend. Don't let doubt enter (that little snake likes to block your goodies) but say this is my reality, this is my experience...and it will be... (Of course, on a side note, if you say your reality is something bad- like nothing you do can ever go right, and you keep saying that to yourself and everyone that will listen...guess what!? That's going to become your life! So be mindful of your thoughts and definitions!) Synchronicity Amazingly, as I go through this lesson regarding Manifestation, I am not alone. I have a friend named Courtney who is also experiencing these events. In her life, she went in for a massage and ended up receiving information about the Law of Attraction. Specifically, this person told her to watch the movie The Secret. Not long after she went to Disneyland with her best friend and he too told her about the Law of Attraction! Talk about a message from the infinite! She had no idea that I had been talking about Manifestation at the start of this week...I hadn't sent her that blog...but somehow we were in perfect tune with one another. A few moments after she left because her shift was over a customer came up and we were talking about being positive. The next thing I know we're talking about the book The Secret and I told her about Courtney and that the Movie is on Netflix. What really got me, and I mean just made my mind explode, is that book and that movie came out over ten years ago. I remember my favorite Starbucks manager Wayne Newmark giving it to me to read...and I've watched the movie many times. *SO* many people are waking up right now. Even as it seems the darkest elements, those who choose the Darkness are becoming stronger and that they might wipe out the light...it's simply not true! The Darkness is just simply more noisy and attention getting than the light! The LIGHT is on the rise! You can't see it on the news but talking to people day to day *it is* HAPPENING! The Great Gathering of the Eagle and Condor prophecy is happening with the Dakota pipeline- From Native Hawaiians to Mayans- they are all gathering to protect Mother Earth! The media is not covering it at all! Conclusion We may not realize it but we are living in a very important time. What we align with mentally...whether it is the Law of Attraction and Positive Thinking that I'm reporting in my own life...or the media reports of such negativity... We are making a choice this year. I'm choosing to align with the light, submit and dedicate my life to being a reflection of All-That-Is and letting go of the reigns...instead I'm just letting the cosmic energy of love that is the most basic element of creation move through my life cleansing me and carrying me to the next stage in my journey. No expectations. No limitations. Infinite possibility lies before me. Plus, since it's been mentioned so much I'm going to watch the Secret on Netflix. I will include on here one of my favorite sections of a Documentary called Tuning In that I watched years ago that covers the Law of Attraction. It is strange that I've been working with these ideas for 11 years...and it is just now clicking. I've written about Manifestation in the past but I want to share the incredible story that has been unfolding in the recent days. I've been paying particularly close attention to my dreams. Last night I had a pretty powerful one. The messages are clear.
Yesterday, things just didn't seem to go right and last week totally felt that way. Things just seem to be a little off. They are not entirely bad but they aren't unfolding in a smooth fashion. For example, a customer went to put a straw into his cup as we were talking about hi re-tiling his house and the straw pierced the side of the cup. This caused quite a mess and I've never seen that happen before! Later, a plastic trash bag that was double bagged broke open as I was lifting it out of the trash can. I moved a vase that held my bamboo plant and it broke sending water gushing everywhere! Little things, minor occurrences but when they are added up can leave me feeling frustrated. Dragging Along The Past Repeatedly, in my dreams there has been a message of carrying around things from the past. In one dream, my husband and I were somewhere when I went to get the bags we had brought. I started shoving stuff in, some that was not even mine, and he asked me, "Why are we taking all of this stuff with us? Is this really necessary?" In another dream, I was back in my Grandmas (my Great Grandma Emma and her daughter, my Grandma Alta used to live together in a house in San Bernardino) place but I was in their huge garage. Their garage used to hold the most wondrous goodies and treats that they would make every year for the group they were a part of The Order of Pocahontas. In truth, it was more of a workshop similar to Santa's Workshop then a garage for a kid like me. I could go in there and get different preserves they made or look at the Christmas goodies they were making or the Easter Baskets they used to create with toys and homemade sugar cookies. Only in my dream, I was only allowed to be there for a short period of time and I had to take all of the stuff I had made and left there. As I went to take stuff though, I realized I was destroying it and that it wasn't really like I was preserving the things I was taking. Overwhelmingly, for me, the message is not to carry my old burdens forward. I'm just not sure how to let some of the things that have happened to me go. Mostly, because they were traumatic events that I hope never happen to me again. I realize that a lot of it was not my fault, that it was the psychological issues within the other people, but it still leaves scars. Being Afraid of Fear The other thing that I realized from these dreams is that in the past I feared being afraid and showing fear. Every year, my husband and I go to Knott's Berry Farm's Halloween Haunt. The people in costume don't scare me nor do the mazes. I'm simply not easily scared. The times when I've really felt fear I powered through it. I realize now this is something I learned when I was a child through some very odd experiences. One being when my pet, a dog named Little Bear, died when I was about three or four years old. I was freaking out, and in total denial that he was dead. Someone had shot him and left him on the side of the road. My dad was digging a grave and put Little Bear's body down into it. He made me look in because he wanted me to stop crying and denying that Little Bear was dead. I didn't look at Bear's dead body but I learned that day not to freak out in traumatic situations but to bury the fear. Our society, as a whole, reflects this notion. The Damsel in Distress is looked down upon. The people who show fear are looked down upon. Even being emotional is looked down on because logic is more valued in our society. Yet, our emotions and fear play an important role in our lives. I can tell you from experience that bottling up fear and sadness can lead to terrible consequences. Fear is a very important tool. Fear tells us when something is wrong, that we should not trust someone or a situation. Fear has, no doubt, played an important role in our evolution. The sad fact is that in culture 'negative' emotions are repressed. Allowing myself to feel the fear, to thank it for it's wisdom when it comes up, and heed the caution that I know I need to proceed with has been very helpful. Suppressed emotions are really hard to control and I know that's what my panic attacks stemmed from. I have always felt as though I had to be the strong one and I didn't have time to actually feel the fear. I would run away from that emotion afraid that I might look weak. However, I've learned when I go out to meet fear on it's turf it becomes tamed. Instead of running away from it, turning towards it and embracing it is an effortless way to resolve those emotions. Conclusion The strange thing is that I know that these were my current lessons. I have learned how to deal with the fear portion and show my emotions of fear, anger or sadness in the moment instead of being the 'strong one.' However, letting go of the traumatic issues of the past...that ones a bit more tricky and I know that's what I'm working on. Letting go of old resentments. In a meditation I imagined all of the people I can't bring myself to forgive and for each of them I visualized giving Yeshua a coin that represented them. I realized it was a lot! Past issues, hang ups, and fears do not belong in my future. While this is what I'm currently meditating and working with it is proving to be a challenge. I know this is where I'm 'energetically' off and why little mistakes keep happening. Things breaking for no reason, HUGE tomato Hornworms trying to kill my garden, and other set backs that should have worked out but were clearly not for me. Yet, at the same time, something everyone else was very fearful of turned out to be the greatest blessing. Not only did the situation improve but incredibly...a lot of conflict resolved itself and just simply disappeared. I had heard that the people who were negative in our lives would just "go away," "move" or "be reassigned" and then just simply disappear from our lives....but two people I thought were really stuck in my life that caused a lot of heartache just went...poof! They're gone and I don't have to worry about them at all anymore. A situation of change most people would fear turned out to be a hugely bountiful blessing. So, in essence, I've seen manifestation work in my life. I've hit a wall, I think it was going too fast for me and there are two obstacles that I am fearing quite a bit coming up. I think that fear, based on experiences of the past, are what have me frozen on my life path and manifestation. I'm almost afraid to move forward with other things, so I'm putting parts of my life on hold, until these two things I'm resisting the most are resolved. An old saying goes, "What you resist is what persists." One of these events I've feared, when I don't go into turtle protection mode, has been rescheduled twice. The universe almost seems to be saying, "Oh, you're not worried and focused on this? Well! You don't have to experience it then!" Anyhow, tonight I know a lot of people are going to be wrapped up in the Presidential Debate. I'm going to be wrapping Christmas Presents while listening to Christmas music...and planning my Halloween graveyard display for the yard (I bought glow in the dark skeleton arms that I might modify!). Come what may with this Election...change is in the air and I will embrace it...Resistance...after all, will only cause what you fear most to persist. |
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Brave Soul! May Your Journey On The Path Of The Seeker Bring You Joy and Peace! I'm currently posting every Saturday. With a new addition the family I have pre-scheduled most posts through December 2022. Full Moon Posts will contain up-to-date content when I can get to them. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! This is a place where you can encounter new spiritual ideas that have helped me develop as an Individual On The Path of the Seeker. Take or Leave this information as you see fit. Archives
April 2024
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