I was watching a YouTube video recently that was published by the Theosophical Society and the Speaker flat out said he believes we are descending into darkness. Now, there were many times throughout his lecture that I really disagreed with him. Yet, it made me think... Do I think humanity is coming into or out of darkness? Then I read this blog from Colette Baron-Reid and I realized that there seems to be an undercurrent of people off my radar in the spiritual community that are spouting doomsday predictions... https://www.colettebaronreid.com/2018/07/29/do-predictions-psychic-readings-work/. Well, if you know what my mystical experiences have been this year have been you may know where I am going with this but...I think given the timing of this blog that this is a perfect time to share my opinion on the matter. Into Darkness Or Not?
When I hear the term 'into darkness' I think of the Start Trek movie, "Star Trek Into Darkness." That movie came out in 2013. If you've followed my Yearly Movie Theme posts you know that I feel that the artists of the world in their various forms- including film writers, directors and actors- are all shamans. Imagination lies in the subconscious and remains connected to the One Creator. Either way, usually, I can see a personal connection and a more universal connection to the symbolism in the movies. This movie was aptly timed for me...as 2013 was the start of the event that triggered my deepest Darkest Night of the Soul that started my Awakening- that's when I became pregnant with my daughter Lilith-Ann. This was also the year right before we started to have all of the Protest stories. In 2014 the media would start to report police brutality with African American started and the entire Black Lives Matter movement that divided the United States into those who hated the police I was watching a YouTube video recently that was published by the Theosophical Society and the Speaker flat out said he believes we are descending into darkness. Adequately timed in 2014, however, just when the message seemed to be that the future of humanity was most in danger (the symbolism of Star Trek Into Darkness didn't suggest a happy ending)...X:Men Days of Future Past came out...the first in a series of movies where a woman changes the outcome of the future...and I've explained elsewhere when I saw that movie I had the strangest tingles I've ever experienced and the thought, "We did it!" In Destiny of Souls Michael Newton explains this phenomenon...souls rehearse certain 'choice points' (to use Colette Baron Reid's term) so that when they are incarnated they have the echo of a memory of the event. The most commonly acknowledged is the moment when someone meets their Soul Mate. I had the same feeling when I first met my husband Ross...and I've had it a lot within the last 3 months. I faced a VERY big choice point when Angel died...so no doubt my Higher Self rehearsed that pivotal moment in my life. So, I can identify two major choice points in my life...2014 and now in 2018. Darkest Before The Dawn I've said this before...but it always SEEMS as thought it's darkest just before the dawn. Earlier this year when Yeshua appeared to me in a dream vision he stated, "Why are you so awake so early in the morning?" I was aware, in the dream, that only the first hints of daylight were visible in the sky. I put the time at about 3am. When I woke up from that dream vision it was about 11pm (a time I wake up at when I have a meaningful dream message from Spirit). What I feel that means is that we are going into the Light....that the last few years of psychological chaos in this nation (and in my personal life) were just the finial fits of people experiencing their deepest fears. This showed up in the very environment of the Earth a well with unpredictable weather patterns...but nothing too severe. Luckily, this was in a very minor way. While psychological and emotional is often not fun...it is preferable and seems minor to the concept of a world wide cataclysm that most predicted at the end of the age. I guess you can thank all of those Wanderers, Light Workers, Earth Angels, New Agers out there for buffering the energy on the planet so that we didn't' experience something far worse. The Two Trains I wrote about this concept here: https://bridgetkorns.weebly.com/blog/the-two-trains-timeline-metaphor-decoded. The urgent message from Spirit that I needed to get onto the Positive train and a lot of subsequent dreams about how it's going to be really hard to cross between them now was enough for me. I've really let go of a lot of additional fear, negativity and resentment I didn't realize I was holding onto after losing my daughter Lilith-Ann. What does changing Trains entail? You will face your darkest fears and how you react to them determines what train you are on. If you can maintain your calm...or pull yourself back from the chaos of despair through troubling times...you'll be fine. For me, I had to let go of my final and most stubborn attachments. My dog Angel Korns, my best friend of the last three years, and the first thing I ever bought entirely for myself- my 2016 Ford Ranger truck. On top of that, when Angel was crossing over I relived the scariest moment I had in my life...I was back in the same hospital in premature labor...I literally relived the most heart wrenching horrible moment in my entire life. Thankfully, my training in meditation kicked in and I was able to pull myself back from the pit of despair. I faced the dragon of fear in the mountain instead of crossing the Abyss. I use these exact terms because I had a very powerful dream concerning this upcoming choice right before these events. In the dream I preferred to cross the Abyss of Despair then to face the Dragon Off Fear in the Mountain...but my Higher Self and my waking consciousness chose to face the Dragon...and I came away victorious. Was all of that happening within a months time easy? Nope. Yet, I learned the most valuable lesson...I could face the worst case scenario I had experienced in material reality that shattered me before by putting the situation into perspective. The Key thing is that these dark days are acting as a catalyst...driving those who are stuck in duality to become more fixed in their ways... At the same time those who are ready to move beyond duality to the next level of Wholeness//Unity where there is the realization that all are one- pop like popcorn to that next level of being referred to as the Rainbow Dream by both the Indigenous Americans and the Jewish Kabbalah. Some call this 5D and all sort of names...but names are just labels and are entirely subjective. The Dawn What can I say about the Dawn to come? I don't know what it holds in store for us but I know that the majority of the spiritual sources I that are genuine believe that it is going to be unprecedented. There will be harmony and unity in a way that has not been seen on this planet for Ages. Hopefully, everyone from corporate companies to politicians to the janitors will ask, "Does this serve the Highest Good of Humanity?" before acting or creating during this Golden Age. That seems to be the lesson learned in the Age of Pisces- letting go of what doesn't serve the Highest Good of Humanity. Outward force does not serve humanity. The Inward Path of stillness does....so it will be a time of people working on themselves and not going out to champion outer causes...the majority of the next age will probably spent on the lesson of freely giving and receiving. We can look at the sign of Aquarius for some of the characteristics as well...that sign is an Air sign...and it has the symbol of water in it (the water jug). Essentially it shows a balance between the Intellect and Emotions...a reconciliation of Air (Intellect) with with Water (Emotions). Air is associated with Chockmah on the Kabbalah Tree of Life (please check out my YouTube video and blog posts on that subject). Air preexisted Creation. We find this in Genesis 1:1 and the First Day of Creation- "The Spirit of God hovered over the waters." Water also existed prior to Creation and is associated with Binah...Hence the water over which the Spirit of God hovered over in Genesis 1:1. The Age of Pisces that we have left behind was entirely about emotions...which explains why the last few years of that age is an emotional roller coaster. I think those are emotions are starting to calm down...we will see what the next presidential election cycle brings in 2020...but it does seem that by 2038ish or earlier things will be dramatically different. (Based on predictions by Bashar and the 2038 Pyramid Timeline Prophecy- both of which have been proven to be 100% reliable). In my dream it was 3am in the dawn of the age of Aquarius. My two primary scientific based sources- Thomas Campbell and Laird Scranton- along with the Kabbalah/Bible- all agree that time passes dramatically different in Spirit then on Earth. If we take the arbitrary number for an hour in Spirit being an equal to 1 year here on Earth...we can expect some more early risers over the course of the next three years (putting it at 6am)...and then by 2023 the majority of this emotional angst will be over. No doubt there will be a little bit more during the next election cycle...but when put into context that's a very short period of time. Why The Doomsayers Then? Colette Baron Reid in one of her most recent blogs stated that there are people flat out predicting Nuclear War. Well, I think we headed off the most frightening period of time where that was a strong possibility. Hilary Clinton definitely wanted a Nuclear war with Russia because she had money invested in Uranium One...a Russian company that sells Uranium that's used in creating those bombs. She has history of this sort of thing...doesn't anyone remember Iran Contra? This possible future was actually predicted/shared by Bashar... So why are there psychics and people like that speaker at the Theosophical Society predicting doom and gloom? Well, as these two timelines separate...those people are seeing their most likely choice and possibility...they are on the Negative Train but they are still undecided. We will probably see a few more of those up until the mid 2020's when everyone makes their choice. Conclusion If you are here then more then likely you are going into a time of Balance. This is a place beyond the duality of Light and Darkness...Good vs Evil... A place where Air (Intellect) and Water (Emotions/Intuition) that existed prior to this Creation are reconciled at long last. This will be a time of Unity. I explored this concept and this choice a little bit more in depth when I asked what people preferred for their future....Star Wars or Star Trek? Either way I will be celebrating 2019...I'm sure that there will be challenges but for me it will be a time of reaping the fruits of my labor and really enjoying myself as I continue to share with you all that I have learned. Thank you Brave Soul for joining me on the Path of the Seeker....you are making a difference just by choosing to be here and participate in this experience!
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(Sorry for missing last weekend and almost missing this weekend. I was focused on a holiday family get together on the 22nd of December 2018 and with family visiting and many days of plans completely forgot to post a video. My carefully planned structure of blog and videos is comp;etely thrown off and will be further thrown off as next week I toss in an unplanned video that I recorded and edited this week. I meant to post it today but I have a cold and had plans for a date daywith the husband go sideways when an unexpected element wasthrown in...so, without further ado here is the additional thoughts on coagulation.)
The final stage of Alchemy. What an amazing phase. Here, with the stage of coagulation with the Sigil uniting two opposites...representing At-one-ment. Spiritual Gold As I said in the video spiritual gold is more valuable then anything we can possess on Earth. Spiritual gold, which coincides with a spiritual maturity, is something we will have for eternity. Whenever I think of spiritual gold I think about Matthew 6:19-20: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on Earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do no destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Again, Alchemy is very reflective of ideas put forward by Yeshua. Too often people think that they can store up 'heavenly treasure' by just doing good deeds. Giving a pan handler $10, they think, will translate into $10 in heaven! Well, that's not how it works. Especially if we are giving in order to receive something later on and not out of the goodness of our hearts. Spiritual development, on the other hand, is spiritual gold. That's something your soul will actually be able to work with in the Spiritual realm. You can't take your car, your house or food...but you can take your experiences and that's what the soul cares about the most. The Sun and Moon You might have come to the part about the 4 stones and thought....what the heck? The Moon is the Supernal Binah Sephiroth on the Tree of Life. She is also the High Priestess in the Tarot Cards. We will work with this more in depth in the future. The Sun represents the Supernal Chockmah Sephiroth on the Tree of LIfe. He is the Magician in the Tarot Cards. In the Chakra system it's the Brow Chakra and Crown Chakra uniting...the glands are the Pineal and the Pituitary Glands. In Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey this is the sacred marriage stage. In The 7 Cards of the Tarot Keys on the Path of the Seeker this is the Waking Consciousness and Subconsciousness. In the 7 Cards of the Tarot Keys depicting the Path of the Seeker the Lesser stone is depicted as a child in the 6th card...Judgement. The Greater Stone, depicted in the 7 Cards of the Tarot Keys depicting the Path of the Seeker is the World Card which we will be covering next. In the language of the Hindu Kundalini it is Shiva (Sun) and Sati (Moon). In each case the moon is a part of and reflective of the Sun. Conclusion I was really thorough in the video. Also, you can check out the Subconscious Garden Blog that was published on October 31st. Congratulations on completing the journey of Alchemy!
As you listen to the sound meditation concentrate on the Tarot Card Key.
When the sound meditation ends get out your journal and write down any thoughts, impressions or ideas that came into your mind no matter how odd.
his blog is a little late because it really should have been published at the same time of the 3rd Alchemical Stage of Conjunction YouTube video and blog that I published in August.
However, I had other blogs already scheduled for that month and moving things around would be difficult. So, here it is in the month of December. Again, this is another short and sweet blog because this involves so much information that I've shared before. To get the most out of this concept you should probably go watch these YouTube videos on my channel (just search for Bridget Korns on YouTube): Heros Journey Part Two: Intitiation : https://youtu.be/Z8XXE_eJFzI Brow Chakra: https://youtu.be/axikIyxhuDc Crown Chakra: https://youtu.be/32bOh0U--7o Solar Chakra: https://youtu.be/7C3qty7IQeo 3rd Stage Alchemical Conjunction (Published August 25th) Judgement Tarot Card Key 6 On The Path of The Seeker: (Published December 1st) Also see these Blogs: The Beast: https://bridgetkorns.weebly.com/blog/the-four-lower-chakras-the-beast The Bull Symbol Revisted: https://bridgetkorns.weebly.com/blog/the-bull-symbol-revisited ​ Jim Carey Mentioned It Jim Carey went on some late night show and talked about something similar that had to do with Yeshua. He sounded down right crazy and it was hilarious. Here is the video with him talking about the Alchemical Secretion which he calls 'christ': https://youtu.be/MsQoofHvgDM?t=29s The sad thing is that he mentions both 'sex' and 'christ' which I'm sure caused most people to throw this concept out the window.The way he describes it sounds flat out bat shit crazy conspiracy style informaiton. His information probably came from some Fear Based former Christian that still held on to all of the supersitions that Rome created to control the populace. A lot of that nonsense has lead to a lot of mental/psychology disease. I'm not sure where he got that informationi but its so confused that if I didn't know what he was talking about...it sounds like nonsense. That's a key thing with learning this stuff, as Francesca Simon said in one of her broadcasts if you can't explain this to other people in a way they can understand...you really don't know it. Physical sex is not involved in this concept. All I can say is only a MAN would make this concept so murky with projections.
The Universal Archetypal Sacred Marrige
If you watched the video I made about the initiation stage of Joseph Campbells Hero's Journey you should know that the idea of the Sacred Marriage is...universal. Joseph Campbell synthesized thousands of myths and stories the world over. He was a virtual encylopeida on world mythology. One of those prominent themes was the Sacred Marriage. The stage of Conjunction in the Alchemical Process is the Sacred Marriage because of associationes between the Pituatary and Pineal glands. These glands have a lot of symbolisim and importance attached to them.
​ The Pineal Gland
Associated with the masculine principal. This gland symbolically represents the Male principal of action and Intellect. This is the Waking Concious Mind, the man, depicted throughout the Tarot Key Cards representing the Path of the Seeker. This is the more active part of the brain in the Western World. This is our analytical brain that is highly worshipped in our societ as being the only part of a human being of any value. However, when left to it's own ends the intellect tends to be cruel and selfish. In essence, the Intellect forms the bulk of the Ego. We think that the Ego Personality Construct that we have created with all of our labels and claiming this or that in the physical world, "I am..." (I am a math person, I am a manager, a Ford person. I am a Libretarian. I am a dog owner. I am a wife, etc.) is in control of our life. The Pineal Gland is connectd to the Crown Chakra. This gland is located in the region of the Mendula Oblagata which is the 'animal' part of the brain. This is the part of the brain that is activated when we think of sex, food or any other physically satisfiying action. Talking about this gland always makes me think of Chris Pratt in Jurassic World describing why he gets alog with the Velociraptors to Clair.
The Pituatary Gland
Commonly referred to the third eye and associated with all sorts of magical abilities. There is A LOT of misinformation on this subject. Dennis William Hauck associates this gland with the female principal. This gland symbolically represents the Female principal of emotions and intution. This is the Subconscious mind we see depicted as the woman in the Tartot Card Keys of the Path of the Seeker. In the Western world this part of the mind is repressed and denied. When repressed the Subconscious creates the Shadow (see my YouTube video on Shadow Work here:). Yet, it's the Subconscioouso that is in control of our lives. Our emotions control our decision making process when we are not aware of them. Have you ever been ask why you did something and instead of coming up wtih a rational reply you state, "I felt like it." That's your Subconscious controlling you. The Pituatary Gland is connected with the Brow Chakra. Classcially, this is what people refer to as the Third Ey and I find the clip from Doctor Strange where the Ancient One tells him to Open his Third Eye (which was obviously closed beacuse he was such an intellectual). Have you ever experienced a headache in the front of the head because your trying not to cry or get angry? We usually call these 'stress' headaches. They are cerated when we are trying to block or repress an emotion.
Conjunction
This entire concept symbolizes a Psychological Process that leads to enlightnment. Now, as I stated above...these two 'halves' of ourselves are not working together. In Conjunction we find the balance between our Intellect and Emotions. All of us come into this life wounded because that is the nature of this World and Incarnation into it for deeper esoteric reasons (see the Purpose of Humanity). The only way to heal is to reconcile the Male (Intellect/ Pineal) and Female (Emotions/Pituatary) principals within us. The way to do this is to tap into our intutive emotions and start working with them...not against them. They are also aptly depicted as water. When we find this balance of listening to both parts of ourselves is when the 'pill' is created from their union that 'travels down to the Stomach.'
The Stomach / The Beast
Over the last few years in my own studies I've discovered that the Lower Three Chakras- Root, Sacral and Solar Chakras are 'the Beast' often Symbolized as a Bull as you can see in the Beauty and the Beast Imagery. In other words, those lower three chakras represent are more animalistic urges. That's why we feel queasy or get stomach aches when we are emotionally upset. This part of us is usually full of dysfunction. Society says that it's ok to have sex but religion doesn't. Society offers tons of different types of fatty food but we know it's bad for us. We feel the desire to belong and for people to like us (we want to be part of a goroup- a herd or pack) but we feel isolated because we don't want to be a people pleaser either. These are all 'blocked' or 'repressed' urges originating in these three lower chakras. When we unite the Emotional (pituatary) and the Intellectual (pineal) aspect of ourselves we can start to work with these 'lower urges.' Those blocks...all of which were communicating and can only be subdued by our emotional intuition...are dissolved when we unite our Subconscious and Intellect. That's what the 'pill created by the sacred marraige goes down to the stomach' is all about. This always reminds me of the scene from Maleficent which so perfectly embodies the Sacred Marriage concept. Maleficent would be the Subconscious, King David would be the Intellect (an ambitous ego that loves war and domination) and Aurora the Child produced.
The Sacred/Royal Child
In the Judgement Tarot Card Key (published on Nov 24th) you can see the child produced by this conjunction rising from the central coffin. As I explained in the YouTube video the childs back is turned to ous because they have turned their back to the material world...back to the One Creator. The child represents Enlightenment. This is the new state of consciousness that is created when we balance our Emotional (Feminine) energy and our Intellectual (Masculine) energy. We're happier and because we are in alignment with the HIghest Good of everyone life goes far more smoothly for us. The roller coaster ride that resulted as those two aspects of ourselves battling one antoher is finally over.
Conclusion
The main reason I wanted to write this blog is because I wanted to correct the misconceptions that Jim Carrey probably caused among people about Alchemey. Physical sex has nothing to do with it. Each stage of Alchemy represents a stage of medicene involving physical interactive symbols to help the student grasp the abstrat concept. Is it possible that the story of Jesus birth, when we look at it from an allegorical perspective, represents this exact concept? That's possible. That doesn't negate that Yeshua lived- as I explored in other blogs I cannot remember the title of- the bible can be allegorical and literal. Just look at the picture from my wedding with my husband. I included intuitive symbolisim without really knowing the purpose at the time...our wedding could be taken to symbolize Conjunction as well...but it was an intuitive synchronicty that I latched onto my vague awareness of the symbolisim If Yeshua's birth was as carefully planned as Edgar Cacye's readings say...then his birth might have been very similar to my wedding. Believe me...the synchroncity of this post being on 26th (I'm writing it in August and literally penciled in subjects to the available spaces as the inspiration came up while making the YouTube videos) was not planned. I just realized what I wrote and the timing as I went to schedule this blog and was dumbfounded. I also have to note that after learning about the Primordial Being Adam Kadmon (check out the Purpose of Humanity link below) the clip from Split that I just rewatched and posted above is even more...impactul I guess. The main charecter of the film, Casey, is also far more intrguing in light of that concept reminding me of Malkuth being given the light of the Creator too soon (often described as a sexual union between Adam Kadmon and Malkuth). After all it was Adam Kadmon that 'split'...which is just a symbol for humanitys 'Collective Soul' or 'Oversoul' or 'Collective Subconscious'...each of those are about the same topic. Especially given that the beast is created 'on the train' which reminds me of the Bashar's Train Analogy (to see more on that topic read the blog below.) I never really thought of the movie Split and the Splittig of the Timelines. Humanity's Purpose: https://bridgetkorns.weebly.com/blog/category/1-humanitys-purpose The Two Trains Timeline Metaphor Decoded: https://bridgetkorns.weebly.com/blog/the-two-trains-timeline-metaphor-decoded As Francesca Simon says....everything is in Divine Order. Thank you Brave Soul for walking the Path of the Seeker with me! (Image retrieved from www.constellations-and-backyard-stargazing.com) This is going to be a very short and sweet blog. Although, this is a very deep and complicated topic worthy of far more of my time and resesarch. The constellation of Scorpio is very important... I'm going to touch on these subjects very briefly and I hope that you will forgive me for that. I just want to seed your mind with this thought for now. I'm sure I'll dig deeper into this subject at a later date but I just wanted to put this out there. When you look at the image above you can clearly see how the image of the fish hook (the lower portion of the zodiac), the sanke with the upper portion representing the snakes mouth and the bottom it's serpent body, and the scorpio where the upper part is the tale. Yet, it is also an eagle (which is as bit more of a stretch based on the image above)! Scorpio The name of this constellation currently is Greek...because in many ways the Greek had as much as or even more influence on the modern world. The myth goes that Orion told the Goddess Artemis that he planned to kill every animal on Earth. To prevent this from happening Artemis sent Scorpio after the Hunter Orion and the scorpion killed him. Both Orion and Scorpio were placed in the Heavens by Zeus. The Fish Hook The same constellation for Scorpio is the God Maui's fishhook in Polynesian myth. The stories about Maui vary from culture to culture. Yet, the one that remains the same is that he fought the sun and that he pulled up land from the sea. This is the same Maui depicted in the movie Moana. I'm sure that in his book on the Maori Laird Scranton covers this topic. I hope to read that later this year. However, I must wonder if Maui is the Primordial Being Adam Kadmon. After all, it is Adam Kadmon's neighborhood of creation we live in and in Genesis 1:9 there is reference to the third day where, "God said said, 'Let the waters under the sky be gathered into one place so that dry land may appear," Again, I'm just putting this out here for now because it's a fascinating idea. Eagle In Jewish mysticism as I covered when discussing the World Card (the final tarot card key depicting that Path of The Seeker) Scorpio is the Eagle. What is interesting is that in the Tarot Scorpio is assigned the element of air and Aquarius is assigned to water...so it's reverse from what you find in traditional astrology. Further in this article https://thezodiac.com/eagle2.htm....the author shared that the Rabbi Joel C Dobbin in a book called Kabbilistic Astrology (I'm going to buy this book) explained that in the Hebrew tradition the sign of Scorpio is depicted as both the Eagle and the snake. The Eagle and the Snake represents very extreme high highs and very low lows. The Eagle and the Snake are found in Egyptian myths as well...and they are depicted in other cultures with the same idea. In fact, when we look at the Pillar 43 at Gobekli Tepe so often associated with the coming age we see both the Eagle and the Snake. This is mysterious to anyone that have no clue that the Eagle and the Snake are both Scorpio. (Image above retrieved from Pininterest.com)
Seven Points Of Interest First, is that maybe, just maybe Genesis starts off the story from the Perspective of Adam Kadmon- not the One Creator- creating our neighborhood of Creation. Second, it's very possible that Maui is the same Primordial being as Adam Kadmon. Third, that Scorpio represents the Fish Hook that is represented by the Hebrew letter Tizaddi...you can find a YouTube video and a blog on the subject on the side bar of this blog. You can also look into the Star Tarot Card Key from the Path of the Seeker to illuminate the Fish Hook symbol even further. Fourth, Orion and Scorpio myth indicates that the adversary Scorpio that brought chaos and death to Orion. This is the same story as the fall of Adam in the Garden of Eden because of the snake...only in Greek Myth it was the Scorpion- which is associated with stinging words. Fifth, this further illuminates the triumph of Ophichus as important. Ophichus has mastery over the Serpent that he holds. He has mastered his ego which is constantly chattering in his mind and the way he holds the snake shows that he also has a balance. Sixth, this concept predates all of the religions because it is depicted on Pillar 43 at Gobekli tepe. Seventh, this is symbolized by Horus, the eagle headed God of Egypt who over comes Set who is associated with the Snake. Further, all of the Neters have similar imagery of a snake/chick/egg symbolsim in their names. Conclsuion I apologize that I am so vague on this blog...because (as I said) I am deep into other research on the Path of 7's. Yet, there are some very obvious connections (as you can see) from these associations. This is food for thought and as I explained is worthy of more research. Also, while writing the next blog on the Conjunction pill I realized that the Alchemical Stage of Conjunction is intimately related to this concept. So please check out that YouTube video...below is a slide on that.
As you listen to the sound meditation concentrate on the Alchemical Symbol.
When the sound meditation ends get out your journal and write down any thoughts, impressions or ideas that came into your mind no matter how odd.
I went to see this movie because the symbols in the trailer were intresting. Plus, it had a bit of a Narnia type feel to the trailer.
I give this movie a C. I felt as I did when I saw the live action Cinderella that did okay but not fantastic. There was no real heart put into the movie. The plot was as hollow as a tin soldier. Maria, the charecter from the Nutcracker musical, had grown up and had a daughter. Clara. Clara is dealing with the loss of her mother and her Godfather is following her mother's wishes by sending her to the Four Realms. There she discovers her mother had created life. She works to retrieve a key from the kingdom that belongs to Mother Ginger where the Mouse King lives. The mouse king is a swarm of mice that form a giant mouse...although it looks more like a rat. There is no explaination as to why the rats belong in Mother Ginger's kingdom. Clara never questions why Mother Ginger is considered evil. She goes and retrieves a key so that the Sugarplum, who rules the kingdom of Sweets, can create an army of tin soldiers. Sugarplum ends up evil because she, "Doesn't want to play nice." The same pin key that started the machine that turned toys into life also fit an egg music box with the Tree of Life on it that Clara was given as a Christmas present from her mother. The box had been given to her by her mother with the words, "Everything you need is inside." Over the course of her adventure Clara realizes her father is lonely. She'd held anger towards him because he expected everyone to behave normally despite their mother's death. She also realizes that everything she needs to make it in the world she has inside of herself. She's into science and she uses that to save the Four Kingdoms. I'm going to have to look into the book that this movie was based on called The Nutcracker and the Mouse King. The symbology is fascinating. I watched the original Nutcracker play on Netflix and realized the Mouse King had seven heads. That's really interesting.
​Next year there are a lot of movies coming out that look interesting.
There are also quite a few terrible throw away movies coming out as well. The trailer for Shazam, for example, looks absolutely awful. I just don't see that story line ever translating over to movies well and the trailer looks like a corny throw back. As studios continue their trend of not publishing trailers in advance this is a little hard to write. In previous years I might have been able to write this blog about the upcoming year but studios seem to have revamped their marketing strategies. In fact, the name of Avengers Infinity War Part Two has not been released...and it's less then a year from it's debut. That said let's take a look.
Glass (January)
This one is a surprise. Unlike so many of the other movies that are going to be released next year this one was made without a whisper until the trailer showed up. With a January release date, when films expected to perform poorly are usually put out, it's questionable...but Split was at the start of the year and so were some other shockingly good movies in 2018 (including Black Panther). I like that this is a take on the Super Hero genre form a very grounded point of view. Most of us know that the series- Heroes- was based on Unbreakable but they totally dropped the ball with that series as it went on (the first year was good but subsequent seasons were terrible). There isn't much to this teaser trailer but given that it's about the villain...it looks good.
Dark Phoenix (June)
Pushed back to the summer of 2019...Dark Phoenix does not sound like it's in a good place. Originally, it was going to be released at the start of 2018. The fact that the director on this one is the same person who did the very terrible third X-Men movie The Last Stand...well, this might be poop. Will the director redeem himself? The trailer has dropped and they moved Dark Phoenix to June (I originally wrote this blog in July and I am rewriting it in December). I am excited about seeing this movie. I am still a huge X-Men fan and I'm not having super hero fatigue (my husband is though). So, I hope this one does well and turns out good. The storyline looks fascinating.
Captain Marvel (March)
The trailers for this one finally dropped and I'm so excited. The storyline where she received her powers from a man has been tossed. Some aspects from the Carol Danvers comic book story line are there but the story seems as though it's going to be fresh. I can't wait to see this one. In the second trailer she states, "I'm not here to fight your war. I'm here to end it." I love it!
Well, this one has a teaser trailer at least!
I was really shocked when I realized that Dumbo was going to be released as a live action. There was far less hub bub about it then the Beauty and Beast live action. I probably won't see it in theaters because the animated one always made me cry. On a very interesting personal level- I chose an Elephant Theme for my daughter Michelle because of a dream. In that dream I argued that I didn't want to do an elephant theme because there wasn't a Disney character involved...and I was told, "There's Dumbo." I had forgotten that one because it is so sad and sadness is not something I want to have associated with Michelle. That was months ago and I noticed elephants for babies are the in thing this year...and now Dumbo has been announced. It's fascinating!
Infinity War: End Game
Of course, this looks amazing. Not much information was given in the trailer. Just the fact that Ant Man and Hawkeye will be in this one and at some poit Tony will be facing death in space.
Wonder Woman 1984 (November)
This one is a bit mind blowing and the title was only recently revealed. The trailer doesn't appear as though it will drop in 2018. First, the title and the picture of Diana in front of the bank of television undoubtedly refers to George Orwell's 1984 novel. So, tht is relaly interesting. The script, they said, is something fresh and new and doesn't appear to be dependent on or based on the comic book material. This isn't a sequel, they said, but a 'new chapter.' Further, it appears that Steve Trevor who died at the end of the last movie returns to the story somehow. That's just odd.
Star Wars Episode 9
A fitting number for this set as 9 suggests completion. This will be the end of Rey's story. With so many torn by Episode 8 this one is going to be interesting. Hopefully, they focus on Rey and Kylo. Given that the same director that was in charge of episode 7 is running this one...it might actually be good. I am not expecting a trailer until mid-2019 to get people talking and excited about the movie. Conclusion Women are rocking this year. 2019 is going to be the year where almost all of the movies I'm going to go see are based on a female hero! There is an unable similarity to the way where the Dark Phoenix and Captain Marvel look in their trailers. I love seeing really strong female charecters. How amazing is that? The fascinating part of this is also the 'end' emphasis. There is also the emphasis on Hope that I've seen in movies in recent years. In particular, Leia said at the end of episode 8, "We have hope." So, it will be fascinating to see how this year develops. I am stepping into my own power this year in many ways. Check out this blog I shared about how 2018 was for me- (https://bridgetkorns.weebly.com/blog/travelers-notes-year-in-review-youtube-video) To have the synchronicity of so many strong women movies in 2019 that I want to see (and the primary focus of what I want to see) with me stepping into my power and saying I will not be controlled anymore...I am so excited. There are two themes I see- Captain Marvel, Dark Phoenix and Wonder Woman are set during the past. Albeit that Captain Marvel and Dark Phoenix are in the 90's while Wonder Woman is set in the early eighties. So, there is a theme of time. Infinity War's End Game...suggests somehow Captain America and Black Widow have a plan to fix things...I want to bet that will involve time travel and Captain Marvel. On a side note I don't doubt the name Thanos was taken from the Sanskirt word Thanatos which means Death Wish. Stan Lee was defintely into mystiscisim. In Doctor Strnge he was reading Huxley's Book The Doors of Perception which I've added to my to-read-list. Next year is going to be awesome! End Game What's fascinating about the choice for the second Infinity War's title is that it remeids me of my favorite book, "Enders Game." In that story, because Ender doesn't want to be ever hurt again...and humanity never wanted to be hurt again...he unwittingly kills an entire race. That's sort of like what Thano's did. He does it to protect humanity...even though he finds out that it wasn't neccesary. The Buggers didn't mean to hurt Earth...they didn't realize human's were intelligent...but Ender wipes out the entire race except the Queen egg (which he later find a plante for in the books). I related to Ender. When I read that book I knew that if I was ever in a fight I would ensure I would win and the person would never harm me again...so I get it. Thanos thinks he's doing what's best to save Creation by wiping out half it's population. His intellectual perspective doesn't allow him to find a better solution. There is a hint of the same concept behind X-Men Days of Future Past. A future outcome that is so horiffic that it has to be reversed...and the key has to do with a woman. I can't say I dislike that storyline. I guess, the thing is 2019 is going to be awesome but I have a feeling 2020 is going to be even more awesome. The reason I say that is because the astrololgical influence are amazing. Check out the video by Molly Mccord (my favorite astrologist) here- ​https://youtu.be/6GmR7yaEkmQ
Every Year I do a review of the movies I saw duing the year. I identify the theme and see if it matches the year ahead theme that I detected. Do the movie themes and the year experience coincide?
In previous years there have been significant synchronicities. This year wras a bit of a blank slate since alot of movies I planned on seeing didn't release their trailers until just before the movies came out. Three movies that I wrote about in my Year Ahead Review for 2018 didn't come out- the X-men movies and Alita Battle Angel. This year was a very weird and disappointing year for movies. My internal recevier, what I am attracted to, has become very narrow. I don't really enjoy drama or romance (I have too much empathy to watch romance movies) and I have lost all interest in horror movies. From a purely analytical critical point of view this was the year of subpar sequels. I cannot even count how many times my favorite Movie Critic on YouTube, Chris Stuckman, said he was disappointed by the sequels that came out this year...whether it was Deadpool, Antman and Wasp, the latest Halloween movie, Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom, or the latest Predator movie. I didn't see and wasn't interested in a lot of movies this year but the sheer amount of movies that didn't live up to expectations were fascinating. This year I was mostly attracted to Super Hero and Science Fiction movies. That will continue into next year. I think it's the only genre that is thriving at the moment because it's fresh and new. The drama and romantic movies are the same old boring storyline. Even the Super Hero movies this year had some worn out drama storylines woven into them (lazy writing). I find it fascinating that Action Hero movies that people joked about and hated so much in the 90's and 2000's are now the most successful genre. That switch in public opinon shows a dramatic change in the Collective Subconscious. Let's take a look at these movies and see if there is a theme... ** Disclaimer** I am not saying that these are the themes for everyone. We live in a very subjective world. Unless you saw only the exact movies I saw...this probably doesn't pertain 100% to you. Similar to an oracle card reading you can see if you can spot the theme in the movies that you were attracted to...there were a lot more movies then those I'm going to cover. For example, I saw Incredibles Two with my husband but it's never really made my list. As I noted, this year in particular, I'm on a very narrow band frequency... which means I'm attracted to very particular interests...and therefore movies. I belive the entirety of movies that come out and whether or not they are successful is a reflection of the Collectiove Unconscious of Humanity (a Jungian concept), which others may call an Oversoul or the Logos of this planet. Those who fail are those who that do not resonate with the Collective Consciousness and those that succeed to resonate with the Collective Consciousness. This an example so that you can look back and reflect on what you were attracted this year and see if you too can see an interiro theme that was reflected in the external world.
Black Panther
Not my favorite movie in the Marvel Universe but it was good. I really enjoyed the parts that were reminiscent of 007 and the Killmonger character was so compelling (Michael B Jordan has a fantastic career ahead of him...he is also incredibly good looking). This is a movie I can watch over and over again. There is so much in this movie that the first time it's hard to absorb it all. Lupital Nyango (she played Nakia) has a fantastic career ahead of her as well...out of all of the character's in this movie she played my favorite. Lupital's strong on screen presence and acting skills are what made Nakia, a minor character, one of my favorites in the entire Marvel Universe. The movie shows the development of T'Challa as he accepts becoming the King of Wakanda. In the movie the nation of Wakanda faces it's fear of losing it's isolation. The existential crisis of opening up the country to the world so that their technology can benefit all of humanity...or if they should continue to keep it to themselves...is the central theme.
Avengers Infinity War
I was shocked and horrified during this movie. I was completely taken off guard when Loki died at the start...I did not expect that one. Then when Gamorah was killed by Thanos I was absolutely heart broken. The charecters they killed off in this movie took me completley by surprise. Thanos (played by Josh Brolin) was masterfully crafted and way too easy to empathize with even if he was absolutely wrong. The fact that he was very Hitler-esque and one of the reviewers I watched actually said he could agree with him Thanos says how well that charecter was written (https://youtu.be/q1a9en8wY0s). I have heard the very analytical and intellectual among us state that the population of this world needs to be reduced. On the mysterious Georgia Guidestones there is a statement that says that their is an ideal number for our world popuation so this sentiment is popular. Thano's fingersnap that removed 50% of the population from the cosmos is vey siimilar to the dogmatic idea of the Rapture as well...something that a great deal of Christians desire. Hopefully, this movie moves them to think of how unhealthy harboring such a death wish is for them. (Thanatos in sanskirt means Death Wish). Carrying a death wish for a great deal of the population because they are not in agreement with your exact beliefs is a very poisonous burden. Family, in this case of all life throughout the multiverse, was the the main theme of this movie.
​ Deadpool 2
Not loved by critics I really enjoyed this movie. I could see it's flaws which I blame on the Studio being dumb. I think it's proof that stuidos haven't realized that society has changed. However, the Super Duper Cut on Blue Ray was amazing. Here Deadpool is utterly defeated when Vanessa is killed at the start. Vanessa is associated with the subconscious. Every time Deadpool tries to die he is seen plunging into a body of water. Since water is an archtypal symbol for spirit, the emotions and the subconscious that was a very weighty choice. The theme of this movie Deadpool goes from service to self to service to humanity (a plot point Chris Stuckman hated). This is Deadpool's Dark Night of the Soul. At the end of the movie we see Deadpool time traveling to set everything right...completely negating this movie. The ending was probably one of the most memorable cinematic moments I've ever encountered. Family was the main theme of this movie (Vanessa and Wade, at the start of the movie, were going to start trying to have kids).
​ Antman and Wasp
I loved this movie. This movie was very much about the Wasp, which the title suggested, and it was really funny. I love the light heartedness of the Antman series. The movie was a bit all over the place and left a lot of questions. Especially since the ending showed Antman stranded in the Micro-Realm. Family was the main theme of this movie.
Christopher Robin
This movie came out of nowhere. I have to admit, I haven't watched it yet but it is one I hope to watch this year. I love Winnie the Pooh. The plot seems obvious...I think it's adorable that Pooh has to 'Save' Christopher Robin from his work-a-day life so that he goes from focusing on working to his family. This ties in so well with the other themes for this year that I cannot fail to include it. I asked the question if Creativity Is Dying...much like in the Neverending Story in this blog:​https://bridgetkorns.weebly.com/blog/is-creativity-dying-in-the-united-states. Here, Creativity and imagination literally save Christopher Robin who's become a working zombie. ​Again, family, as Christopher Robin realizes his relationship with his daughter is more important than his high paying job that kept him away from home.
With a theme similar to Christopher Poppins...Mary Poppins Returns to save the Banks children. Only, it seems like she's there for the next generation. The trailer give sit away though...she's really there for the adults who've lost their imagination.
​Agaim, the theme that family is more important than work is the theme.
Very rich in symbolisim this movie was very one dimensional. While the symbolisim and sets were gorgeous the acting was okay and the story was really lame. My husband fell asleep in the theater. There was never a good reason for why the Sugar Plum Fairy viewed Mother Ginger as an enemy aside from the fact that she didn't want to 'play nice' anymore. A very disappointing movie...just like so many others this year.
​The plot, however shallow, was of family as the main charecter releases the anger she felt for her father and learned to trust herself.
Ready Player One
I don't know why so many people liked this film aside from the fact that it's filled to the brim with pop culture nostlagia. My husband couldn't even sit through this movie. I don't think he watched it all the way through. There were some very minor twists but there was not much charecter development and the plot was very one dimensional. This movie wasn't for me. The Movie Surrogates with Bruce Willis that came out in 2009 had the same plot and it was a better movie. The theme was don't isolate yourself from others in a fantasy world or you will miss out on life. The creative genius behind the Virtual Reality created that realm because he was not able to interact with people in the real world. So, he created a fantasy world for himself and left behind keys for anyone able or willing to study him to understand why he created it. However, what he left behind was a story of solitdue...that he missed out on the love of his life and having a family because he had entered into his own inner realm. Here too, interaction with actual people and not just a virtual reality, was the main emphasis.
By far the most blah movie of the year.
Yes, it was somewhat watchable but not terribly so..it was so predictable. We know that Han makes it out because he's in the original Star Wars Triliogy so there is no sense of danger...and when charecters in the original 'crew' die there is no emotional significance because there was no charecter development. That's one of the problems with these prequels. We know that the hero's will survive and the only way to make the movie worth our time is to develop other charecters that are interesting. The only intriguing part was Qi'ra because she was Han's first love and she became evil..as indicated with Darth Maul. The plot and the origin story could have ben so much better! They stuck with a somewhat safe story...Chewy eating people though just doesn't fit that charecter. This movie, in my opinon, was a total failure.
Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom was another sequel people felt were ho-hum.
I really enjoyed it, kind of like Deadpool, for personal reasons. The bedroom scene with the Indominous Raptor with Lockwood's 'grandduaghter' was a scene right out of one of my repetitive nightmares. I love that they explored the significance of genetic manipulation again. The fact that Lockwood's grandduaghter is a 'clone' of his dead daughter (and that she didn't know it) was a fascinating part of the movie. Hopefully, that subject will be explored more in the third movie of the trilogy as Clair and Owen are seen driving away with her in their car. Although it was a very subtle theme...the theme of choosing life over purely selfish business interests was the focus of this movie.
Another disappointing movie.
Yet, there were parts that were really good despite itself. ​They got one part right-Venom. When the journalist interacted with Venom it was really enteraining. I'm curious to see if there is a directors cut, like there was with Deadpool 2, that redeems the film. This was another film where the studio probably inteferred with the directors creative expression. The plot and directing, though, were boring. In this one an evil corporation wanted to exploit an alien species to enable mankind to travel through space but that alien species was actually exploiting the corporation so that they could take over and consume Earth. The main theme were two 'losers' teaming up to protect life.
I was shocked that this movie received such a huge positive review from Chris Stuckman who gave it an A. I'm going to see it at the end of this month- well after this blog is to be posted. I am so excited to see it! Time travel and multiple spidermen from multiple 'timelines'/'dimensions' working together to change the outcome of the plot.
Again, you can tell that it is family and team work overcoming personal self-interest that would destroy all life (Kingpen) that is the theme.
Conclusion
We started out the year with the first black main super hero film. The year is ending with the first black spider man in film- even if it's animated. I think that's an interesting thing to point out. In the Hopi tradition there is a statement that the Black race represents the element of Water- which is closely connected to the Subconscious, Emotions and Spirit. Just as the female archetype represented this elemet and was repressed...so to has the Black race. So the rise of the Black super hero is on par with the meaning of the rise of the female super hero. (Watch Hopi Lee Brown talk about this at around the 2:!2 minute marker in this video: https://youtu.be/u3mzk__aa-o). This year was choppy. The world is in transition and despite itself Hollywood seems to be reflecting the Collective Unconscious-albeit completely unconsciously and in a way they are not used to yet. Old plots and shallow writing are no longer working. Movie goers expect a lot more emotional depth out of movies than they did twenty years ago. The story telling was awful. ​ Most of the movies were a huge disappointment. This year the world has been in a flux. We're in an awkward transition filled with potential for next year. I'm glad I originally did such a poor job of writing this blog because I realized that the huge theme for this year was an emphasis on family. Choosing not to sacrifice family for one own's selfish intellectual desires...as a matter of fact. On a personal level, for me, that would be the choice to leave the Work Force even though that felt like a totally illogical idea at the time. So much of my identity was wrapped up in working, especially since I have degrees and to not work seems like a waste (although, the menial part time job I was doing was far below what I should have been doing with those degrees). My true place is at home building my family and I let go of a lot to learn that lesson. Further, it was choosing to leave the workforce that allowed me to write a book, the 7 Code, the first in a series of books on the Path of 7 that might serve all of humanity. I can see this theme in others lives as well...including my husband who was on a very selfish path spending money only on his desires instead of what would benefit our entire family. Is Humanity switching from the selfish-business-cancer like- mentality of constant growth and self-gratificationi to serving the Collective? I hope so...and boy is 2019 shaping up to be the year of the woman...more so than ever before with all of the strong female charecters that should have dominated the box office being delayed until next year.
I originally made a video in July that I meant to share this weekend. In it I played the Tibetan Singing bowls that my husband bought for me for my Birthday. I was very pregnant. That was not the fun part of being pregnant! I watched the video and saw how swollen I was and out of breath and decided to do a fresh Travelers Notes.
I tried to film the video in the early morning before the little one woke up but that didn't happen. All week she woke up when Daddy got up at 5:30am! Usually she slept in until 8am (heck I'm just happy she sleeps through the night at four months!). So, that didn't happen. I ended up using my laptop camera because my phone camera didn't want to behave. As I said, I learned that the microphone that came with the laptop is terrible. I don't think you can hear much of the tapping or water sounds. I will be integrating ASMR elemennts into the Travelers Notes videos. I do need to practice whispering and, hopefully, in the future I'll have some time in a quiet place to myself to record. We shall see! Either way, sharing the events of this year was important to me. This year was defintely the Road of Trials. I ovecame so many of them but a better word would be dissolved ...and in many ways it was a repeat of 2014. I really felt like I was in that movie called Ground Hog Day. As I said, though, because I applied my spiritual lessons I was able to pass those tests this time and achieve the results I desired. I gave up a lot, but as I say in the video, when you let go of a lot it means something great is coming in. On another note, I will be self-publishing a book called the 7 Code on Amazon at the start of the year. I will be breaking down the Paths of 7 I'm covering into a series of books. So, you can look forward to that! I'm really excited about it and it's pretty much written. I just need to do some editing, create the book cover and then submit it. I meant to have the book done by Christmas but something major came up. I discovered that my husband was addicted to shopping. He was doing a lot of shady things to keep it up. He spent over ten thousand dollars in the last six months on things just for himself that he didn't need such as an extra drum set, several guitars and a bunch of other nonsense. I caught it just before we ended up in the poor house. That too was a repeat of what happened in 2014 in a lot of ways. Back then he had told me I couldn't eat out while I waws pregnant because we didn't have the money but he was eating out and going to 7/11 a lot for slurpees. This was very similar. That in particular, this year, was a really tough experience. I went and seized the funds in our account and put them in an account that was solely mine. He admitted the lies. This too was the fruition of a dream I had in July about a Cow coming out of the water. That dream was symbolic and applies to many levels...in the dream it was the end of my Ego (my husband in my dreams is my Ego) so it applies on both a inner level and an outer level. Usually, I've discovered, when we go through a change on an inner level it manifests in the outer level as well. I didn't realize I was the cash cow and that my husband had been using me for money. He was telling me that we didn't have any money for anything I wanted to do (he's really puzzled by the kitchen remodel- he's not sure how he agreed to that and since he handled the negotiations I was shocked and horrified when he demanded why we remodeled the kitchen). I know he can't control his sweet tooth if there is candy in the house...he'll just sit and eat an entire bag of candy non-stop without really tasting it. Seems he's the same way spending with money. I didn't put this in the video because he *might* watch the video. I highly doubt he'll read this blog, however, as he hasn't read it in the past. He feels bad and guilty for what he did but given that he has done this for years- perhaps even from the moment I moved in with him- I don't know. Like a junkie he will try to exert his control over me but I don't think he can grasp how much I've changed. I was surprised I forgave him. I divorced the ex-husband over a very similar issue. Once trust is lost it's hard to be in relationship. However, I love the life I have with him. I know that spend thrift and hateful person isn't what he is at his core. He might never realize that essence in this life because he's so materially focused but as long as he lets me handle the money from now on...we should be able to continue. I also think a great deal of the issue came from his very negative friend who came over for band practice every Sunday. My husband was spending 9 hours practicing their 'band music'. In three years they have yet to complete a song. His friend hates spirituality and there have been a few times I was horrified the hate my husband expressed towards missionaries (he literally runs from them) and even around family members. I was talking to his cousin about chakras and he had to interject that he didn't believe in that nonsense in such a hateful way both of us looked at him aghast...apparently, he hadn't caught that she had gone to a Hindu temple in Cambodia. Another time when some family members prayed at Thanksgiving he said very hatefully, "Don't push your beliefs into my famly tradition." He was not like that even two years ago. Since he was spending so much time working on music he bought a lot for the fixer upper house we bought but never completed the work. He's been working on a bathroon upstairs for over a year. That was a project that would have taken my father a couple weekends. He was also eating out twice a week with his friend...but if I suggested eating out somewhere I wanted or for him to bring home food...he refused saying that we didn't have the money. Music, and his friend, were the prirority over his family...and specifically me- even when I was on bed rest during my high risk pregnancy. He did far better this time then he did with Lilith-Ann (he was extremely harsh and controlling of my diet during my first pregnancy for some reason) but there was a side of him- this spend thrift wanting-to-impress-his-friend side of him that was still cruel. The same goes with his personal music which he's been playing for thirty years. He's never completed a song and released it. He always justified spending a LOT of money on his music equipment by saying that he would make money on it one day. When I met him he only owed an old guitar he bought from a friend's dad for $50. I bought him his first drums set. I do love him dearly. But I will never forget the utter and complete selfishness that he displayed. Choosing to buy a $900 glock (a type of handgun) to impress friends and co-workers he was shooting with while telling me we couldn't afford to buy baby clothes for our daughter that she needed...well, that drew the line. I'm just done trying to save or support him. He needs to do that for himself. The most important duty and job I have right now is to the little girl sitting next to me right now. She requires a mother that is a good role model. He agreed with me staying home because it would cost more for me to work and have our daughter taken care of- again, a purely selfish financially motivated decision- and that is the best choice. I like the life we have built together. Yes, it could be better and he's working on those house projects he bought all of the stuff for...and it should have been a lot better than this. We should have been able to change our outdoor patio into a den....it was going to be his 'recording studio' (another excuse to spend money that he justified that it would bring in revenue one day but it clearly wasn't his true goal) but he blew all of the money that was supposed to be spent on that. Apparently, a recording studio asn't really his priority. At least, I got my Kitchen and my Chevy Cruze. I realized a very important lesson this year...that I will never give my power away, in the form of money, to anyone ever again. I am the sole soverign of my life. The government, my husband nor anyone else has the right or the ability to control me. If I give them that ability...it's my fault if they abuse that power. I'm taking my power back and he will never control me again. I mostly l let him control me out of laziness, I guess, and I was so distracted by everything else in my life. A part of me, I admit, did not want to see what he was doing or admit it. Some of us can handle power and work to serve the entire collective....some of us cannot. I will also never try to save anyone else ever again. With my husband I was trying to make up for an unhappy childhood where he felt neglected (second relationship where I did that one!). With my best friend I was trying to show her that she was sacrficing her marriage in attempt to save her mother...Yeah, I was a bit of a hypocrite. People must choose to save themselves. The Inward Journey of Self-Realization is a solo experience. A person can only do it on their own and must do the work for themselves. No one can do the work for them and no one owes them anything if they choose not to do the work. If this had happened before 2018, or in a different series of events where I had not quit my job and the idea of a being a stay at home mom hadn't grown on me...I probably would have left him. Talk about a Divine Blueprint! don't think I would have been able to forgive him even two years ago. If I hadn't done all of the personal work I wouldn't have been able to be 'the bigger person' as he called it. He admitted if the roles had been reversed he would have divorced me. I also don't think I would have been as bold to go and seize the funds in our account. I had a dream that I was at Disneyland and the new area had been revealed...but it was the same old rides just done up with new paint and I was so disappoited. I wanted new experiences...and here was the same thing just slightly looking different. The question in the dream was, "Is this what you want?" The answer was no and that was the day I realized what was going on...that it was the repeat of what I had faced with the ex-husband and with this husband in 2014. I meditated on it, realized I still wanted to be with him, still wanted the life I had with him, and I knew I need to seize control of our funds and open my own account. I called my father just to hear him say what I knew I had to do...and then I did it. If it led to a divorce or a huge fight...I let go of my fear and did it anyway because it had to be done. Surprisingly, my husband seemed relieved...the big burden of sneaking around was gone. He's still not entirely honest with me. He has continued to tell me multiple lies about the past. I've caught him in time, though, and the path I prefer is to be a stay at home mother, living in a house with a mortgage that's super affordable, and to have a second child. I just have to keep an eye on him and he understands that the trust will take years to restore. He acts as though it hurts every time I question him and demand a receipt for his expenses or to spend money (requirements he placed on me before- only I had to ask every time I spent a dollar and most of the time he told me no)...but as I have learned pain gives people a reason to change. His Dark Night of the Soul is an opportunity. I do not feel sorry for anyone going through a Dark Night of the Soul because that is the call of Spirit and it is Sacred Fertile Ground for self-development. I choose not to inhibit anyone from an opportunity of self growth. Looking back though, as I said, I feel triumphant. Every single scary fear I had...just laid to waste. Gone. |
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Thank You For Visiting
Brave Soul! May Your Journey On The Path Of The Seeker Bring You Joy and Peace! I'm currently posting every Saturday. With a new addition the family I have pre-scheduled most posts through December 2022. Full Moon Posts will contain up-to-date content when I can get to them. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! This is a place where you can encounter new spiritual ideas that have helped me develop as an Individual On The Path of the Seeker. Take or Leave this information as you see fit. Archives
April 2024
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