One of the most toxic beliefs that I have dealt with and worked on has been that some emotions are not okay.
In our society there are two types of emotions that are acceptable in public- Happiness and Anger. There is not much judgement if someone expresses they are "pissed off" at another person, especially men, and everyone prefers a happy person. I have said, in previous blogs, that sometimes we have to Fake it until we Make it with being happy. Expressing how depressed we are with other people will just push them away. In expressing only discontent with life we will subconsciously create more via a psychological Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. We will only attract people who are equally unhappy. Often we try to hide our sadness, our grief, our anger or even fear from other people. All of these emotions are considered weak but each of them is immensely valuable during our life's journey. I am in no way saying that does not mean that we are not allowed to feel these emotions. In fact, I encourage people to immerse themselves totally in feeling emotions that comes up and to explore the feelings that they have. Doing so in public is not acceptable in our society but there are many ways we can pursue this on our own and with trusted friends. Suppressing Emotions Does Not Work I used to think that I was very good at suppressing my emotions and I was proud of that. I tried to keep a clear head in traumatic or stressful situations. I froze out my emotions and didn't really experience them. I believed that people who were balanced all of the time that showed very little emotion were mentally healthy. We see this portrayed in the movies all of the time with the stoic general or president outlining the plans to save the world. The problem is that you can't ignore emotions. They will pop up in other ways in our lives and when they are denied they will emerge as something very negative later on...what I consider a Wake Up Call from spirit. For many of us our emotions will be expressed with our appetite if we do not consciously acknowledge them. My friend Jennifer recently wrote a blog, coincidently that she published yesterday as I was writing this that explains Emotional Eating: (http://observationsfromasimplelife.blogspot.com/2016/12/emotional-eating-recognizing-it-and.html?spref=fb). Over eating and under eating can both be connected to suppressing emotions. Instead of being comfotable feeling the uncomfotable emotion we express them by over eating to comfort ourselves or under eating to punish ourselves. If we ignore our emotions for a long period of time, and express them in unhealthy ways, it can lead to a variety of health problems. Obesity and anorexia are just two ways that unexpressed emotions can manifest themselves in a persons behavior. The inability to have stable relationships is another way that emotions can be channeled in an unhealthy way. Often, when we have an emotion that we can't deal with we project it onto someone that we know. Most often, it is the people that are the closest to us because we know that they probably won't leave. When we unleash the entire onslaught of unexpressed emotions it causes the other person to wonder where the angry tirade came from...when it was really another emotion from an entirely unrelated situation such as grief over not being promoted or a feeling of helplessness from watching the news. Emotions Are Road Signs Emotions have a very significant role in our lives. I, personally, believe they are one of the ways our soul intuitively knows something about a situation. Often, because of being conditioned by society we ignore the more uncomfortable emotions. Later, when a situation didn't go as planned we find that we had a terrible feeling before we committed to it. The thing is that Emotions are often not logical. In our society, where we often pretend we are robots in a mechanical universe and not people...we don't like that because it introduces a variable that can't be weighed or measured. I have discovered, in my own personal life, that my emotions are road signs indicating which way I need to go. If I'm feeling uncertain about a situation I sit down and write out how I feel about the different options that I have. I pay attention to the emotions that I have as I consider the possibilities. For example, if I am considering attending a party I look at both options and how I feel about them. Option A: Stay At Home....I feel positive, I'm a little excited to have time to read a book I recently bought, relaxed, and only slightly guilty for not going to the party. Option B: Go To Party....I feel sick to my stomach. There are some people I know I won't like who are there. I never really feel comfortable when I'm at that person's house, the food is usually disgusting, etc. Sometimes it's the opposite. I find whatever option I'm excited about that invokes positive feelings is the one that I should choose. I challenge you to test this in your personal life, because when I started using this technique to make decisions I experienced a huge change in my level of satisfication with my life. Too often I was doing things to try to please other people and it never brought me happiness. Paying attention to our own intution by being in tune with our feelings can lead to a much more fulfilling life. Exploring Emotions Sometimes an emotion comes up that doesn't make sense. Recently, I've felt very rejected in some interactions I've had. I decided to explore the emotion in my journal. The emotion felt very irrational. What I discovered is a deep seated feeling of rejection that started when I was a small child. Part of it comes from when my mother was looking to discipline me. She had a lot of rage that came out when she was spanking me. Then in third grade my best friend, named Julia, decided she wasn't my best friend anymore and became best friends with the new girl at school named Jenny. Both girls rejected me and teased me horribly based on faulty assumptions. The emotion of sadness that popped up was a signal that I needed to work on these childhood wounds. Learning how to heal and let go of old burdens is incredibly important. Healing Emotional Wounds The best way that I have discovered to heal emotional wounds is to express and explore the emotions we felt. As I child I didn't fully understand the emotions I was feeling and why. Sometimes, this involves a long conversation with one of my best friends. Exploring the topic in a blog is another way to acknowledge that emotion. Another thing I will do is draw something- often times in an abstract way- that expresses that emotion. Ultimately, I do not seek approval from others while exploring an emotion. That is a very important revelation that I experienced. We have absolutely no reason to justify our emotions to other people. Second, if you work on a emotional wound pamper yourself. You deserve a reward for doing this hard work. Stay home in your jammies, enjoy a cup of hot chamomile tea, buy a slice of chocolate cake and watch Disney movies all day...engage in whatever activity nurtures your soul (that does not have negative side affects such as drugs, over shopping, over eating, etc.) The trick is to do this as a reward, not a constant activity, and to reprogram (recondition) your mind to associate dealing with these 'unpleasant emotions' with positive reinforcement. A spoonful of sugar, as Mary Poppins said, makes the medicine go down in a delightful way. I've learned by simply acknowledging and working to express an emotion (especially those I could not give voice to when I was a child) heals the emotion. The emotion will simply evaporate as I reintegrate the energy that had been struck within my conscious mind...and I feel more energized during my day to day activities. Emotions are like mirrors, they show us what it is within ourselves that is a little off. Just as you have to adjust your sail in a boat according to the pattern of the winds, we must pay attention to our emotions and adjust our course accordingly. Wake Up Calls As I have said, I have not always been good at paying attention to my emotions. I completely froze them out for a very long period of time. What I found is that when I didn't deal with an emotion it came up as a major medical Wake Up Call. One of the major issues I often have is sticking up for myself in situations where people take me for granted. I find that often when this happens I end up having problems with my throat. This week, as I dealt with this issue of rejection that came forward in my conscious mind as an emotional wound I needed to heal, I put off working on that feeling. I didn't write in my journal to explore it and I didn't do any of the other activities I normally do...then I promptly had a really sore throat. Sometimes, when we ignore our emotional needs it will lead to other problems. Especially if we have been working non-stop. Emotions will pop up as a marker that we need to slow down and if we don't we will get sick or injure ourselves in some way to ensure we do take time out to rest and relax. Conclusion Emotions are a major tool that the Creator has given to us. Through our emotions we can intuitively know what direction to take in life. We can be given warnings that what we are currently doing is not beneficial. Also, we can catch conditioning that we might have learned as a child and even Emotional Wounds that we need to heal from childhood by paying attention to our emotions. A very insightful statement I have heard recently is that from the age of 1-7 we learn the 'rules' of how our world works. That is when we are conditioned by our parents and society how to interact and respond to the world. Sometimes, what we learn during that time is not correct (in fact, I've learned a lot of what I learned wasn't) and we have to re-program how we think. Emotions are wonderful helpers in doing this work and giving us a clue as to what we need to heal in order to have a healthier and happier life. Ultimately, I believe that we are meant to be happy the majority of the time. We often carry around a lot of baggage from our childhood that needs to be healed, however, that keeps us locked in circular negative patterns that we repeat. Each loop we complete upon this negative pattern causes the problem to become larger and larger until we have a HUGE Wake Up Call that we cannot ignore. Yet, we have this amazing emotional ability that can act as companions upon the Road of Life. All Emotions should be savored and appreciated. Each time an Emotion comes up now I say Thank You...because I see it as a companion and a helper that the Creator gave me to navigate and find healing in my life.
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Brave Soul! May Your Journey On The Path Of The Seeker Bring You Joy and Peace! I'm currently posting every Saturday. With a new addition the family I have pre-scheduled most posts through December 2022. Full Moon Posts will contain up-to-date content when I can get to them. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! This is a place where you can encounter new spiritual ideas that have helped me develop as an Individual On The Path of the Seeker. Take or Leave this information as you see fit. Archives
April 2024
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