At the end of last year, based on the movies I was attracted to, I said that this year is one of Big Endings. I also knew that I was going into a major hermit mode. I had no idea that it would become such a huge theme in the collective! In astrology, as I noted in Wednesday's blog, a lot of astrologers are saying the same thing. I'm not enough of an expert to go through the details of the astrology. Apparently, it has to do with the eclipses, Saturn conjunct Pluto, and Chiron entering Aries. Some are calling this sequence of events, "The Shift," "The 2020 Reset," "The Event," and, "Timeline Intersection." While I have no interest in getting excited about this transition, although I do have to say that I have had some dreams regarding it and that I agreed to 'shift' to some new path. A lot of that is reflected in the fact that I have chosen to be a healer and to go into a receptive mode. Now, this is new to me. As I settle deeper into hermit mode and practice receptivity (check out my YouTube video on creating a Sacred Space to learn an easy technique for this)...I realized that there was a lot that needed to go. I have let go of so many negative beliefs, thoughts and fears it's amazing. I quieted my mind a while ago but there were patterns, I want to say chemical ones, that lingered so I still had some depression. I realized today that I have come so far mentally from where I was in 2014. First, I didn't think it was really possible to entirely quiet the mind. Now I summon thoughts at will. I can sit in a peaceful meditation for hours without interruption. You can ask my husband. I'll be meditating in the tub and he'll come up asking why it's been two hours! When for me it maybe feels like twenty minutes! When my marriage faced a crisis I fell back into those old fear patterns and I was hit with a panic attack. The stark difference in the state of mind between even that time period earlier this year and now is so different. Second, choosing empowerment is huge for me. That's the path I've set my feet upon with choosing to be a healer and by choosing to gift myself something every month. I have given away my power in every relationship I've been in- both to lovers and friends. So, this, again, is very new to me. The purging however...was really shocking but it's definitely something everyone in the collective is going through. I want to share with you what I've been going through so you don't feel alone and maybe you can pick up something you can apply to your life. Letting Go Of Physical Objects I watched Marie Kondo's tidying up and that show really inspired me to reevaluate my home. I went into my closet and I went through all of my clothes asking, "Does this bring me joy?" That lead to me getting rid of 11 bags of clothes! This was huge for me. A lot of the clothes I got rid of I bought while in middle school and high school. They were shirts of sentimental value. As I went about trying on the different clothes just to see if they fit I was humbled. Pregnancy has changed my body size so that shirts that I had worn since middle school now looked more like bras. The fact I could still wear several of my high school shirts while in my thirties had been a source of pride. I can't believe I was able to keep those shirts in good condition for so long. Needless to say letting go of that stuff was a big step for me. Everyone knows I hold onto things. I have a lot of toys that I'm going to give my daughter that I had as a child. Most kids don't know what happened to their toys but I ensured that mine were always with me so that when I had children I could give them these toys. I knew I was very lucky to have them in the first place so I wanted to share that with my children. Yes, that's how focused I've been on having kids my entire life...from childhood I kept things I liked to give to my kids! Redecorating The next thing I realized as I looked around my home was that the way it was decorated didn't bring me joy. I decorated this house on my own in 2014 right after my daughter Lilith-ann passed away. My husband has never been into decorating this house for some reason. When it came to apartments that we used to live in and rentals he always wanted to be involved but there is something about this house where he didn't want to decorate it at all. I think, if he had it his way things would still be in boxes. The way the house has been decorated is erratic and, for the most part, cluttered. This is a very good reflection of my state of mind at that time. A lot has changed in the last five years. More than I could ever imagine and I have no idea where the strength to overcome so many obstacles came from. Especially with the extremely cluttered mind I had in 2014. Now, I would love to paint the entire house. Right now it's what I call renters off white. The color is more of a yellow. I do not like it and I have the color I want to paint the house but the husband has put the brakes on home improvement projects. So, working within the limitations I started assessing what I could change. First, we don't drink but we had a huge liquor cabinet. I fill that a display cabinet full of anything sort of enshrines it and I think of drinking alcohol as a low energy activity. My husband owned all of that alcohol before we met in 2009...so, obviously we haven't touched it. So, I asked my husband to go through and keep the alcohol he liked. He kept more than I expected but he's not good at letting go or change. I then moved the cabinet into the living room and filled it with my fairy and dragon collection. That seems a far better reflection of my husband and I. The dragon collection belongs to my husband, although, I had some before I met him ( he's a double fire sign so it fits) and I've collected fairy's and butterflies since I was a small child (I'm a double Earth sign so that really fits too). I changed a lot of other things as well but that was probably the most significant. Old Teachers There have been people that I have followed on YouTube since 2014. I realized they were in a kind of loop. They weren't teaching anything new but were repeating the same things over and over again. There was also a lot of anxiety. For some reason, whenever I watched their videos a lot of crazy weird fear based videos started popping up on my suggestion list. I realized with this astrological eclipse season some people were going back to old Fear Based and extreme points of view. I touched on that on Wednesday in a short and sweet post because it just doesn't serve us to go into this, "If I don't get with it I'm going to miss my window of opportunity to get out of the Matrix," type of thinking. I get why people want to leave the 'matrix' but if we were really supposed to leave our bodies would die and we would exit as souls. The transition that's coming up, and yes, my dreams do indicate something is going on...but I can say with all of my heart if you're reading this post you're going to be fine. That may seem to be weird but I really believe, based on my interactions in the dream world, that what's coming is going to be somewhat magical and really good. I'm sick of my old patterns. I am so ready to let them go! That's all this period is really about and I think it's beautiful. Since I have changed so much since 2014 I decided to let go of those people who are falling into fear because of astrological alignments. While I never knew any of them personally I have watched them grow over the last five years and it was a little weird but necessary to let them go. I realized I hadn't resonated with them for a very long time and that I was just holding on to them in some vague way to support them. I have felt so much relief letting go of that old energy of 2014 that it's amazing. I really believe that those who start blaming any groups (human or celestial) or going into this state of mind that something big on the collective consciousness level will happen that will violate peoples free will...are harming themselves and I won't lend my energy to their self-destruction. We are all one on the collective level. While I might say that Rome completely and utterly abused their spiritual power and I will say that Greece killed the intuitive nature in favor of intellect...all of these steps were necessary in the evolution of mankind. The most difficult role a soul can choose, and therefore the one that requires the most love, is to play the villain because on a spiritual level that can be costly and lead them to digress in their own progress. I have to fall back on Bashar's rubberband analogy. When we have people pulling on us, what we think is negative, what they are doing is allowing us space to fly forward so exponentially in our growth. I know it seems a little twisted that out of great suffering true compassion is born but that's what I've experienced. I'm thankful for my struggles, I'm thankful for my failures and that's because without them I couldn't relate to those who are suffering. I couldn't relate to people and how they are feeling when they are in that deep dark hole of despair that I know so well. While I can't pull them up, because that doesn't work, I can give them advice on what shovels and ropes to use. That's why I prefer YouTube and blogs, I don't want people clinging to me to help lift them up because if I can do this...believe me you can! I'm just pointing out landmarks on the Path but my path isn't going to be exactly like yours. Our individuality is the beauty and glory of our part of our creation. That is what makes this experience so very holy and I would never infringe on your freewill. Letting Go Of Social Media As many know I quit social media in January after I had a panic attack as a result of friction in my marriage. That friction led to a sort of existential crisis as I had to re-evaluate myself the view of myself as a strong woman and realize, that once again I had ended up in a co-dependent relationship and that was not easy to admit. Nor was it easy to come to the conclusion that I love the life that I have built with my husband, that I deeply love my husband whom I know is my soulmate and ultimate companion in this physical reality experience...and somehow come to grips with his deceitfulness. This was a process I could only go through alone. Letting go of Social Media was my best choice. I never realized how many people on there were very negative. As someone with a lot if empathy I really tried to be a positive force on Facebook to help lift other people up. That's a terrible burden and one I should not have tried to carry. I know I helped some people but the majority of people were untouched. Having been away from Facebook for five months I can see a difference. For one, I don't hear about the news at all unless YouTube pops it up for some reason. I stopped watching the news in 2007 but I didn't realize how much FB was feeding me the news as people reacted to it. There was always someone sharing something about the news or reacting to some obscure event. I had a dream that lead me to the realization that most people use the internet for releasing excrement...basically sharing pointless bullpoop. Meanwhile, I've been using it as more of a confessional box. Especially with this blog. Now that I'm really just tuning into the people who reflect the energy I want to see in my life...I feel *so* much better. I feel clean and clear. I really have no reason to worry about people because I'm no longer bearing witness to their suffering. I strongly believe that there is an entire host of non-incarnate beings- call them guides, ancestors or angels- that are there to witness with them and to aid them but there really isn't much that I, personally, can do to help them. The Results Somewhere in the last four years my husband and I stopped doing my favorite thing...going out into nature.For the first half of our relationship we went out into nature a lot. We went to a lot of National and State Parks. As I've released so much stuff and reflections of energy I don't want in my life...we've gotten back to nature. This a great example of making room in your life for what you really want by releasing what no longer serves you. The energy of people, places and things that are not in alignment with yours is uncomfortable to bear. They become burdens that weigh you down. When you release that old energy it makes spce for something new. We went to a place called Crystal Cove in Newport Beach and Long Beach Nature Center. Getting back out to nature every month is like a personal reset. I even managed to get my husband to sit and take in the scenery of a lake. He's usually full steam ahead and not someone to sit down pondering life or a nature scene. There was just this beautiful moment as I watched the water of this lake, I think it was man made, move with the blue and rare red dragonflies buzzing along the surface. I can't describe how serene that moment was but it was so zen. My husband also purged a lot of his stuff. He threw away several large trash cans of stuff from the garage. A lot of it was material we had inherited from his grandfather that didn't really serve a purpose. So, by witnessing me perform this transformation he was inspired to do the same. There is a lot more coming my way, I know, and in some ways I'm reluctant right now to move forward into that phase. I'm really pausing to enjoy the moment because it is such a beautiful time in my life. I love spending every day with my gorgeous daughter who is beyond any expectations I ever had. Conclusion There is an art to letting go. Yes, we can be a bit mournful as things change. However, the one thing we can depend on in this existence is change. The more we can embrace and accept the nature of reality the less dramatic these cycle endings can be! That is the benefit of the Path of the Seeker. Life always throws us curve balls, whether we are prepared or not, and it's better to know what to do. On the Path of the Seeker we learn to anticipate and use the cycles as a launching point so we can continue to consciously expand. We learn to plant our seeds in the low point and enjoy the harvest when it comes in...or learn to plant something new. That way the dynamic highs and low changes of life aren't as dramatic. We know what to do when we are faced with a life challenge, we can go into our sacred space (eventually with enough practice you will be able to tune into your sacred space even when your in a crisis situation as I was in last June when I was in the hospital), enter a state of graceful gratitude and literally change our experience of the situation. Then we can be receptive to the lesson the experience we are having is their to teach us so that we don't really have to go through it again. We will be tested, as I said, to see if we fall into the old way...but that's to be expected. Even when we learn one lesson we can expect another curveball and lesson to appear. If I was not in the position where I am so happy in life I don't think I could would have handled discovering that my husband had a secret bank account and wasn't holding himself to the strict spending limitations he held me without destroying everything. Instead, I realized how I was responsible for creating that situation by giving away my power and energy to him...and we've worked it out and moved on. As always, thank you so much for taking the time to check out my blog and read these little confessionals. That you are choosing to walk the Path of the Seeker with me, even for a little ways, means so much!
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Brave Soul! May Your Journey On The Path Of The Seeker Bring You Joy and Peace! I'm currently posting every Saturday. With a new addition the family I have pre-scheduled most posts through December 2022. Full Moon Posts will contain up-to-date content when I can get to them. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! This is a place where you can encounter new spiritual ideas that have helped me develop as an Individual On The Path of the Seeker. Take or Leave this information as you see fit. Archives
April 2024
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