(Above is a drawing I made in 2007 based on the "Healing Spiral" that I perceived at that time...I had no idea what it meant until recently).
You will be reading this blog two months, exactly, after I wrote it mostly because I have blogs already scheduled to be published up until that point. Another is that what I'm writing about here is emotionally charged. I want time to pass so those who were involved but don't necessarily read my blog are less likely to read this. I have always known that the Path of the Seeker is more of a spiral then a straight line. Often times, we end up in the same places that we were in the last time to see if we have really learned our lesson. Well, I hit that spiral point where I was back where I had been before...but this time I was armed with the Spiritual Knowledge and rock hard faith that I have developed while doing this Work. This time, the difference was entirely psychological. I am not sharing this with you to claim to be special. I am sharing this with you so that you know what you too can achieve. Have you experienced the same or similar circumstances...do all of your jobs seem to end the same way, do all of your relationships end up the same way, or do you have a chronic that keeps rearing it's ugly head? Well, blame it on the Spiral of the Path. Each time you confront the same situation you have a choice. You can handle it the same way that you have in the past and receive the same result....or you can expand your mind and do something new. End Of A Cycle Now, I wrote about this before because I knew that I was coming up to the end of my 5th cycle of 7. You can read it here in a blog titled, "Getting on the Positive Train." https://bridgetkorns.weebly.com/blog/getting-on-the-positive-train6100232 The Positive Train is referring to a realization I had about what the channel Bashar talked about with two trains and two timelines: https://bridgetkorns.weebly.com/blog/the-two-trains-timeline-metaphor-decoded Given that I was born on July (7) 5th and the momentous stage of finally being pregnant again after losing my daughter in 2014 I knew that it wasn't going to be easy. Francesca Simon on her weekly broadcast of Charting Your Course, is also in at the end of her birthday cycle, and she was talking about how at that time everything seems to be breaking down. This happens once a year right before your birthday....because it's at the start of the birthday that the cycle begins again. You also have the opportunity the results of any work you have done in that cycle! Now, these break downs and end of relationships are a good thing. They make room for what you want to see in the next cycle of growth. She relates this process to the Kabbalah Tree of Life that you can see below. The process are the words describing the Sephiroth on the left side of the atmark.
So, as of July 5th I will be at the Idea stage for the next year. That's when I will decide where I want things to go and start to plan accordingly. The next step will be make plans and then gather materials.
That first cycle of 52 days is when you set up what you want to see come to fruition in the next cycle. This gives us the ability to go through and plan our year accordingly. Just as with gardening, you need to know that it's in the spring that you plant your seeds in the ground, through the summer you maintain them and so in the Fall you can reap the harvest...then in the Winter you let things rest. The 7 Year Cycle Colette Baron-Reid talks about the 7 year cycle. She refers to a book about fractals that I haven't read but I have heard this information in less formal places (websites like this I think) instead of an actual book. I've known for a long time that it's the way things go and in a dream that I have shared it was reinforced. I knew that I had two more choice points before the end of this current cycle.
The First Choice Point
The First Choice Point I had was connected with that Mystical Experience with the being I described in the "Getting On The Positive Train" blog. The next morning I woke up and I heard the woman from the vision say, "Accept the Deal." I had no idea what "Deal" she was talking about. My first thought was that it was some sort of business deal. As I am on bed rest at the moment and not at work...let alone looking for a job (I love my job and the place that I work) I thought maybe it was just nonsense. Then I looked at my phone and I saw that the girl I considered my best friend was ending our friendship. She had told me something in confidence and I had told her husband. In my defense, I didn't expect her to keep it secret from her husband. I assumed she would tell him. Apparently, she had looked at his phone for something unrelated. He and I were friends as well (which is hard) and she saw that I had told him. I knew that I needed to accept that our friendship was over given that beings instruction. I realized, years ago, when I moved out with my ex-husband (HUGE mistake) it was she that showed me a past life memory and asked, "Do you really want to do this again?" Had I listened to her my life would have been dramatically different. In hindsight, after meditating on the subject, I realized my best friend and I brought the worst out of one another. This was neither of our faults but just what we mirrored the most for each other. We have both experienced set backs and have a similar history but have wildly different approaches to life. Her friendship made me dwell on all of the disappointment and resentment's I had of my husband. While in the past our friendship had helped me heal from losing Lilith-Ann...it had de-evolved into something detrimental. She was incapable of walking the Path of the Seeker, seeing no value in it, and that had started to drive us apart for a long time. She stated at one point in her blog that she needed to find a friend who, "Shared her faith." I knew, at that point, that she was over our friendship but I felt that I needed to support her through some tough life lessons she was going through regardless. My old martyr syndrome I thought I had laid to rest had flared up. I couldn't share what I was most passionate about with her (my husband, being more agnostic, is not on the Path of the Seeker either). While we had a similar sad history with trying to have kids, same hobbies like writing blogs and education the only thing we shared in common in The Now was griping about our husbands. I still consider her an inspiration and will leave an acknowledgement for her in my YouTube videos because I do appreciate the support she showed me at first. However, as I explained in the post, "Getting On The Positive Train," we don't have time to dwell on what we don't like in life. That will only bring more of it into our world. This is why current therapy fails so often (and depth psychology used to work). I knew this but I didn't realize that I was guilty of it in this friendship because it wasn't always that way. The entire friendship had de-evolved gradually over a three year period. Focusing on hatred and resentment poisons the body- in particular the Kidney and Liver. Leading to all sorts of health problems that I know I don't want. I love my husband very much. He is just not like me...which is a good thing. I was looking for a salt-of-the-Earth person who could keep me grounded. Now, that I have the space to work on appreciating him and seeing what he does not as an attack on me but a part of his nature as that salt of the Earth type of guy I was looking for when I met him...I'm already a lot happier in my marriage. So, letting go of that friendship was the best decision I could make and I am thankful for the being that reached out to me to give me that direction...because I would never have been able to handle what happened next the way that I did with that friendship still in place.
The Second Choice Point
This was brutal. By far, this was one of the toughest spiritual tests I have ever faced. I never dreamed that this or would happen to me...again. In many ways, the week of June 25- July 1st was like reliving losing Lilith-Ann. Not the same exact situation but similar enough to absolutely blow my mind once I realized what was occurring. What happened with my daughter epitomizes the lesson about my Emotions that I have been learning in the last 7 year cycle. I had a hint that this was going to happen thanks to Collette Baron-Reid's universal forecast...I knew I was going to be triggered, as I wrote about on the, "Getting On The Positive Train," post. I was prepared...but I was not prepared for something happen on such a monumental shake me to the core of my foundation level. What happened completely tore me to pieces. I now see that it was imperative that I not be friends with my ex-best friend at this time because had a reacted negatively I think very bad things would have happened. My dog Angel Korns, which you have inevitably seen in my YouTube videos (in particular the one on Shadow Work where she interrupts me at the end) and in pictures in my personal blogs...died suddenly. Over the course of a week she went from being the usual dog I knew to not wanting to eat at all. At first we were told it was gastrintits and that we had caught it early but she wouldn't take the pills for that...and then it turned out she was in the late stages of Kidney failure. I had been told in a dream that she was, "Temporarily out of service and required water." Water, to me, represents Spirit. I didn't realize that it meant she wasn't going to die. I had an idea, and I hint at it...but I was hoping she would pass peacefully in her sleep and not suffer so much. My empathy when I see anything suffer is so acute it overwhelms the senses. The grief of watching her suffer as my husband and I struggled with the her steep and rapid decline in health- going from being a hungry pup willing to eat anything on Monday to not being willing to eat anything by Wednesday- was tough. I knew by Wednesday that I needed to let her go. I couldn't stand seeing her struggle. My husband, however, wanted to see if there was anything that we could do to save her. I stayed up with her over night while she puked and slept roughly. Her entire body would shudder in pain and it was the most horrible thing to watch. My husband was able to sleep upstairs because he didn't want to take time off because he's been saving his vacation for when our daughter Michelle is born. I was appalled by his behavior. I had flashbacks to losing my daughter and some of the more callous things he said to me as I struggled with that loss because she was more, "real" to me then she was to him because I carried her and could feel her move. He doesn't remember saying that to me, but I remember that as though it were yesterday and I think it's a psychological defense mechanism he has in place. I admit, I was emotionally destroyed and felt completely unsupported...as though I was going through this entire event on my own. He cared about her but he doesn't have the depth of feeling or emotions that I have. The majority of people I know don't have that level of Empathy. I cried so hard it hurt my stomach and it was not right of me to do that to Michelle who shares my body and adrenal system with me. I put a lot of strain on both of us. My grief was so deep I stood on the same precipice of emotional oblivion that I stood on with Lilith-Ann. To be honest, I loved that little dog more then my husband or anything else on this Earth. For a long time, it was just her and me and I thought it was going to be just her and me forever back when I got her in 2007. She lived 12 years which is a long time for a Cocker Spaniel but so much of my life revolved around that little dog. I bought a double baby carriage so she could go with me on walks once Michelle was born because I knew she struggled with that in the last couple of years. I was going to just plunk her in the front seat and take her for a ride. I was so excited that I was finally going to have a baby she could play with because she loved children so much and that's the one experience I hadn't really provided for her. She always loved going places. I called her my Road Trip Doggy. If I ever considered any being or thing, "Mine" and that it defined me it was her. She was like an extension of myself (much like my truck but to a far lesser degree). She was the thing, on the physical material realm, that I was attached to the most. More then any person place or object I had ever come across. The stress and grief of losing her, which I had been avoiding because I knew it was stress that triggered me losing Lilith-Ann in 2014, was unavoidable. My husband had made an appointment to put Angel down for 3pm on Friday June 29th. On Thursday June 28th Ross and I felt baby Michelle flipping over in my belly. We could literally feel that she was sideways. I was concerned but I was so sore, tired from crying and trying to take care of Angel so that she was comfortable because I knew she was in pain and scared... I was too exhausted to think that this might be a bad thing. I had an O.B. appointment to get a shot to keep me from going into labor the next morning. As we were heading to the doctors office I felt Michelle ram my cervix and a gush of fluid followed by contractions. Immediately, my mind flashed back to 2014 when something far more subtle had happened...I began leaking amniotic fluid at work. I knew we needed to get to the hospital but the doctors office wasn't answering the phone for some reason. I told my husband and we drove to the doctors office. He went upstairs and asked where he should take me. I knew I couldn't walk. We went to Queen of the Valley. This was the same hospital where I had delivered my daughter Lilith-Ann under similar circumstances in 2014. The ride there seemed to take forever. He took forever to get a wheel chair because it was a busy day thanks to the Full Moon. I brought out my cell phone and started doing a Temple Sounds Meditation realizing that I needed to calm down. When stressed I have a tendency to hold my breath. Eventually, we found out that my water hadn't broke. Apparently, when Michelle rammed my cervix she had hit my very full bladder which had given way. I had peed my pants, just a little since I was able to hold most of it, but there was no amniotic fluid. Thank god I had the cerclage done, however, because Baby Michelle would have probably been born in that car ride if I hadn't had one with how hard she had rammed my cervix. The contractions were real and Michelle was presenting as though she expected to be born any minute. The medical staff gave me a drug to stop the contractions. Ross rescheduled the appointment to have Angel put to sleep for 5pm instead of 3pm. I was very upset because I was afraid that her pain medication would wear off and that she would suffer more then she should. I felt horrible. I couldn't calm myself. In addition to that he had skipped breakfast and was starving. Time crept on and four hours later (around 3pm when we should have been with Angel at the Vet) we were still in the intake room. Then the staff finally informed us that I would be admitted to the hospital. At that point I told my husband to leave. He needed to eat and take care of Angel. I know putting down Angel without me was hard for him. Some people might feel it was cruel I was not there in her final moments. He felt bad that I wasn't there to hold her with him. Yet, I had told that dog everything I wanted to tell her and said goodbye to her the night before...I had really hoped she would pass in her sleep. He says that Angel was not suffering when he came home, that she cuddled him at the office and drifted off peacefully. That's the most I could ask for. I will be eternally grateful for him going through that without me. He had to do the much the same thing with our daughter Lilith-Ann. He has a strength to him that I don't have and that's one of the reasons that my husband and I make such a great team.
The Hospital Stay
After my husband finally left I was taken to room 1111. I was struck by the familiarity of the situation. I had delivered my daughter, Lilith-Ann, in a nearly identical room back in 2014. I was filled with shock and horror to find myself in a similar place. Yes, Baby Michelle was more likely to survive but it turns out at 31 weeks she would have had to stay in the hospital for at least two weeks if she was born. We needed to stay pregnant. The room number, as many of you know from synchronicity, is very important to me. 1111 means unity. I realized that I was at that precipice of mental and emotional oblivion. I knew, from my Shadow Work and all of my studying what I needed to do...I knew that I needed to pull myself back. I recognized that I had two panic attacks- one in the car when Michelle rammed my cervix and another as we were waiting to find out if I was going to be admitted to the hospital. I was disappointed that I had experienced them but immediately forgave myself realizing that I was in a very unique set of circumstances. I realized that this, since the Path is A Spiral always returning to previous lessons that are failed, was a Spiritual Test. I gave myself a pep talk that no one else was capable of giving me. I repeated to myself what Francesca Simon says often, "All is in divine order." What would I do differently, I had asked myself often, if I was in the same situation that I had been with Lilith-Ann? That was a question that had haunted me for the past four years. That I had gone over mercilessly in my mind as I searched my soul. So, now I was prepared for the answer. I reminded myself of the spiritual truths that would comfort my soul- that nothing really dies and that all life in the physical realm is temporary. I knew that no one in the outer world was capable or responsible of saving me from this precipice...this was up to me and I knew just how to do it. I realized that I needed to switch modes as soon as possible. I needed to let go of my grief over losing Angel and focus on getting into a positive mind space for Baby Michelle. To say it was not a natural thing for me is an understatement. I went into a meditative mode knowing that was the only way I was going to calm myself down. I listened to my Temple Sound Meditations...which are the easiest way to cut through the Monkey Mind when you are in a place of fear. I imagined the Light of Heaven passing down and through me...also recognizing that my kundalini was rising...so I pushed it back down and imagined that it was latched into place. Those instinctual flight or fight emotions were not needed in that moment and I couldn't balance them with my heart in such a broken state. Eventually, I was able to come back to myself and release my grief. This was a conscious decision...and thanks to the mental discipline that I have developed through meditation and working with releasing my psychological Shadow it was far easier then one would expect. I immediately started to practice gratitude which I will cover in the next section of this blog. There is no way that I could reach that state of mind back in 2014 when I went into labor with Lilith-Ann due to stress. Back then I was terrified to move in the bed and let the nurses bully me. Now, I set boundaries with the nurses and did what I needed to do to heal myself regardless of their well meaning instructions. As a result, there was an immediate change in the way my body behaved. At intake, each time they gave me a shot I would bleed profusely...harking back to when I hemorrhaged on cue with Lilith-Ann. I treated each of my nurses kindly and called them by name but I maintained those boundaries. I only met one that wanted to be difficult with me. I stood up to her boldly letting her know that I am not someone to be pushed around and I know my body better then anyone else. They gave me steroids so that Baby Michelle's lungs growth would be sped up in case she was born. No one thought that the contractions would stop. The thought I would give birth to her soon. My improvement, thanks to my attitude, was rapid. The doctor initially said that I wouldn't be released until July 3rd. The nurses were certain I would have Michelle within days given my history. However, I was released on July 1st on strict bed rest. When they gave me my final shot of steroids I didn't bleed at all. (Insert a picture of green socks)
Practicing Gratitude
The key method, aside from meditating, that got me out of there was by practicing Gratitude. I honored the nurses even as I set boundaries with them. I treated them as I would want to be treated. I was thankful to get green socks to add to my hospital sock collection (I like the hospital sock because they are slip resistant, brightly colored and easy for me to find in the laundry basket I've been living out of since I've been on bed rest and restricted to the first floor of my house). I was thankful that the first morning I was at the hospital I was served French Toast, my favorite meal, for breakfast. When the kitchen called for my order for the rest of the day I was extremely grateful to them over the phone for having Decaf Black Tea because I had been craving that like crazy. The woman who took my order was so touched she personally brought a cup of decaf black tea to my room as soon as she could! I told the nurses that I thought the labor was brought on by the death of Angel and showed them pictures of her that last week. They cried with me. All in all, I took a very scary situation and I transformed it into something incredibly positive. I turned it into a moment of personal triumph. I have no doubt it was my conscious decision to get back into a better place mentally and calm myself down...and the fact that I could do so...that stopped me from going into full labor and giving birth to Michelle prematurely. I celebrated my triumph in being able to overcome this obstacle. I had faced all of my fears, all of my demons, from when I had Lilith-Ann before and I had won. My emotions no longer control me...I listen to them, I hear what they mean and I let them go. Armed with Gratitude and Understanding I was able to finally pass this Spiritual Test! The Aftermath I am now home. I'm writing this on July 4th, although, you won't see this post until August because I have other blogs scheduled prior to this date. I can't walk around. My ankles become very swollen if I try to be on my feet for more then ten minutes. I don't know if it is from the steroids or if it's the way the baby is sitting or it's just a part of the third trimester. I'm on the most extreme bed rest...walking only to the bathroom and to my computer as needed. I am grateful for this experience. I have learned that I have come so very far in my work and personal transformation! The house is eerily quiet with just my dog, Apollo, the cats and snake. My Angel Korns left a giant emptiness behind because she had such a big personality. I promised my husband we would never have two dogs again and he never wants to have a 30 pound dog again...or a puppy. He only wants to adopt rescues. I know that I will see her again...whether or not it's on the physical material realm I don't know. I have a cold or something going on. Grief, I know, rests in the lungs. I have no doubt that is why I have a weird hacking cough. I intend to spend as much of the rest of the Mars retrograde that started on June 26th and continues to my daughters due date of August 27th in bed. With all that said....let's take a look at the crazy synchronicity with the energy that occurred on June 29th...because it was a big one astrologically for me. I had no idea that this level of astorlogical coincidence was occurring around the Full Moon. I only saw Rick Levine's video after I was at the hospital and I was just floored.
The Strange Astrology/Oracle Synchronicity
Now, I had a bit of a heads up going into this week. I knew thanks to Collette Baron-Reid's Universal Forecast that I was going to be triggered. I was already having fights with my husband over minor things. He has very strong opinions about what I should eat when pregnant and he is very materialistic. Sometimes, since I have, for the most part, given up my attachment to physical objects (I'm still working on heirlooms and such things) this can be irritating to me. I didn't realize that there were three huge events in Astrology involving planets and zodiac signs that have a huge impact on my chart (I am by far not that deep into astrology or it's mean but I do know some basic information). My Rising Sign is Capricorn, which is ruled by Saturn and my Sun Sign is Cancer which is ruled by the moon. Full moon's always have a tremendous impact on me because, as my cousin once told me, being born during a Full Blood Moon on July 5th 1982 I brought to much of my souls energy in with me. Rick Levine explains in the video above the three factor playing into this difficult astrological energy. He talks about it from 21:49 to 33:41. He rambles a lot in his astrological videos and he's very hateful about Trump but he knows his astrology. Here is a brief summary: First, there was the Full Blood Moon where the Sun and Moon are in conjunction. Second, was the fact that the Sun and Saturn were also in opposition. Third, Mars had begun to go retrograde on June 26th and it will last through August 27th. In the First case- The Blood Moon in Cancer enhanced the watery Emotional Subconscious energy. In the Second case- Saturn as the ambitious taskmaster with no compassion opposing the Sun brings up a sense of isolation and draws attention to the Spiritual Lessons we may or may not have completed. In the Third Case- Mars retrograde where we are called upon to slow down, reflect, reassess and reorganize before going forward. Mars likes to throw stumbling blocks into our paths to see if we've really learned our lessons. Finally, from my position on the Earth when I looked up at the Full Moon on June 26th it was in the Zodiac sign of Ophiuchus. I know because I have a Sky Watch App on my phone that when I hold the screen up to the sky it tells me the different constellations, planets and the name of larger stars. As I've said before, the man holding the snake represents the triumph of taming the snake from the Garden of Eden. What an appropriate place for the Moon to be given what I was about to experience on that Friday. The Shocking Personal Synchronicity Implication As I said, for me, this set up for a huge psychological trip of the ultimate brutal test of whether or not I've learned my lessons regarding balancing my emotions and intellect with my heart. As you can see, the Blood Moon in Cancer is a lot like my birthday 36 years ago, Saturn is the ruling planet of my rising sign of Capricorn- an earthy sign that and it's said that your Rising Sign embodies who you were in your past lives (based on what I recall of my past lives this extremely accurate). Ironically, this week on July 7th I am posting a fascinating blog on Hebrew letter Ayain. Ayain is connected to both zodiac signs of Capricorn and Cancer...and in that video and elaborated blog meditation on that letter you will find that the Sefer Yetziarah instructs Capricorn to balance their Earthy with the emotional subconscious wellspring of Cancer... The result of this balance is 'opening the third eye of intuition.' This is undoubtedly my life purpose. I've always known that I was meant to Awaken in this life. My mission to Awaken was so important I brought far more spiritual energy then I should have into this realm. Yet, to see it spelled out in a ancient Hebrew letter at the same time I under go such a profound lesson with the heavens above mirroring this as the pivotal purpose of my life is the stuff of a good fictional novel...and seems more like a magical dream then the reality most people believe in...yet it is an undeniable coincidence. So, it is, that as in the heavens on Earth...I was faced with my worse fears to see if I have balanced my Earthy Nature with my Emotional Nature. This was a tremendous opportunity to come full circle...to face all of the same terror which I faced with Lilith-Ann...and realize that I have transformed myself so much in the last 4 years. The finality and conclusion of the set of lessons that I went through in the last 7 year cycle from 2011-2018 is incredible. I am also letting go of the final remnants of the previous cycle which means that my plate is being wiped clean for an endless potential for the next 7 year cycle. Conclusion Phew. This has been such a long and complicated post. By the time you have read this I will have posted a bonus blog that you can find on the right listed under Angel Korns and on my YouTube channel with a music video with pictures of Angel celebrating her life. Like Lilith-Ann I know it's more important to celebrate their time spent on Earth instead of mourning them. I'm making the video to inspire myself and others. My husband is going to record a unique song for the video as well so it will help bring us together to share our grief. Since he's a Leo any creative project we perform together brings us together. I know my next set of lessons will have a lot to do with creating a balanced relationship with him...having relationships with human beings has always been a challenge for me. We've been together for 9 years but there is still much to learn and to improve. As we are all eternal beings, even animals, the change of transitioning to Spirit is just as simple as stepping into another dimension of reality. I mourn, mostly, for myself and my loneliness and not for those I lost...whether human or animal. Needless to say, I'm amazed and humbled by this experience. I'm amazed with how much I have grown. I'm amazed because a set of dreams I have not covered, where everything was turning to ice, indicated that if I didn't do something I was going to go, "Back to Sleep." There is even more to the story but it's so delicate that I'm not sure if I want to dwell on it and cover it in a blog. I'm finding this weird interlacing of the past and the current time to be fascinating but confusing at the same time. I feel as though I passed a test that I had the opportunity to pass in 2000 and 2007. I feel like Galadriel in Lord of the Rings when she is tempted by the One Ring and she overcomes that incredible temptation. I'm amazed as the last things from the previous 7 year cycle (in particular what defined me when I was single from 2007-2009) are also falling away. My dog and my truck are the final remnants of that 'life.' The slate is being completely wiped clean for this new cycle. I am excited about my daughter Michelle and the potential for new experiences that the next cycles will bring. I don't know what I want really, aside from raising two children, so I'm just going into a receptive mode. That concept is very hard for me and deserves it's own post as it's the final lesson that I had to comprehend to pass this test. In the Hindu tradition this is called Tamas, and I just read a fascinating Hindu Scripture on the topic. As Jesus said, we don't need to worry about all of the details. "...seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:33) I have done my part. Now, it's time to let the rest flow naturally.
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To The Beloved Who Read My Blog,
I'm writing this update in July. I wanted to take a moment to explain why there won't be a lot of dream interpretation blogs or personal updates until December. The main reason is that I am going into a very different life cycle and whenever there is a change like that there is a little bit of chaos. I didn't want the learning curve that I will be going through in the next few months to keep me from sharing the exciting information I have planned with all of you. Therefore, I'm putting my time on bed rest to good use and I have already written scheduled blogs through December. I have been very inspired and I have no doubt that I will continue to be inspired to write over the course of next month prior to my daughters birth. The great news is because of this my blog will be very consistent, yet, a scheduled system doesn't really allow for spontaneous blogs. I'm embracing the experience of this change which is why I preferred to work ahead on my blog so that there would be no interruption. I'm also working ahead with my YouTube videos.I have videos scheduled all the way through December as well...and I did not schedule many Traveler Notes during that time (just one at the end of this month that was recorded in July). That's because I prefer to record Traveler Notes in real time so that they are relevant to current circumstances. In essence, I am going to take a little bit of a break from this blog and YouTube from August through December and just focus on my family. Saturday will be the only day I will actively post a blog because I can't embed YouTube vidoes that haven't been published. Once I fall into a pattern with my family I'm sure that I'll be back with a personal update. I have one scheduled in December. In December of 2017 I dubbed 2018 as the, "Year of Change," and in many ways there have been dramatic changes in my life...and dramatic tests. I have seen so many of my friends and family move for various reasons or change career paths (at least 9, but I'm sure there are more) and there have been many people going through the Dark Night of the Soul. A lot of people I never imagined would Wake Up spiritually are hearing the call of Spirit during these dramatic Dark Nights and making their choice to continue to do what they have always done or to change on an inner level. While some believe this to be scary...because leaving what we consider familiar even if it makes us unhappy and stepping into the unknown is not comfortable...I think it's a wonderful time to be alive. I am really sick of the hatred I have seen openly expressed over the last four years and I'm looking forward to a real change in the atmosphere of our nation as more people develop a Compassionate Heart as a result of learning the Oneness of Humanity. Thank you so much for the continued support of my blog and my YouTube channel . I love sharing this information that has greatly enriched and transformed my life with others. My greatest joy is knowing that I am helping and inspiring others to do the same. So, enjoy the blogs and YouTube videos on the 7 Tarot Key Cards of the Seeker, the 7 Hebrew Letters of the Seeker's Path, the 7 stages of Alchemy and the 7 Sephiroth of the Path of the Seeker.
Synchronicity Example
I've already identified in previous posts that I knew that I was at the end of the cycle and many things from previous cycles were falling out of my life. I couldn't quite put my finger on what that meant, however, or why it was happening. I was experiencing a bit of fear and uncertainty due to all of these changes. I in no way claim that I am devoid of fear or that I have perfected how I walk the Path. Knowing that I was coming up on such a dramatic change in my life and being uncertain of what it really meant I was not very comfortable. Letting go can always be hard. In her weekly oracle forecast one of the cards Collette Baron Reid pulled was Message in A Bottle. This alerted me that there might be some sort of message that I would receive this week that would help me clarify the situation. Now I'll admit that I doubted this because I entered this week in a very negative state of mind...and, yet, despite that doubt my over-riding intuition kept my mind open to the possibility...and that's exactly what happened. On July 16th I had a dream where I was in a library (my symbol for the Akashic Library) and I saw graduation fliers stacked on tables. There was one with numerous items of mine on it and I was a little upset in the dream because I didn't order them. On it were several pictures, the large picture at the top was a picture of a White Rocking Horse decoration that I have (the picture I attached at the top of my post), followed by a large picture of an absolutely beautiful baby girl, then at the bottom were three pictures...one of my dog Angel Korns who recently passed, my 2006 Ford Ranger that I am in the process of selling to buy a family sedan, and a picture I don't remember. I now realize that this 'graduation flier' showed that I had graduated from an old state of life to a new one. The thing is I really didn't understand what it meant...or at the very least a part of me didn't want to understand. I wasn't really certain about this new cycle and what it held...and, in a way, I felt as though this change required that I give up a sense of my own personal identity. Last night, I couldn't sleep. My daughter had managed to get herself into a very uncomfortable place in my womb. She's currently transverse- which means she's horizontal. This is nothing to worry about because regardless of how she is I'm going to have a c-section due to my medical history. Yet, it does lead to a lot of discomfort on my part...she more then just tickles my ribs when she maneuvers herself into a higher position in my womb. Either way, I decided I would listen to an ASMR video to help me relax and get back to sleep despite the moderate amount of pain. I turned on the Tingles App and saw that one of my favorite people- Lune Innate- had posted a video. She's not really ASMR...she does more spiritually minded posts then posts that cause people to tingle but her voice is relaxing. She was doing a Oracle Card reading for the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse of July 27th. In the video, which you will find attached below starting at the reading I chose the second set of Oracle Cards. You can watch what she shares for yourself below. However, what amazed me is that I received a very direct answer to my question and, strangely, both Lune Innate and I recently turned 36. I realized, as she was talking about in her own life...I'm shifting out of the Maiden phase of my life...the time where I was only focused on myself. That ties in perfectly with the cutting ties with what was, for all intents and purposes, parts of my life that were firmly established when I was single from 2005-2009 (I did date people but that's totally different from being married). Those parts of my life were perfectly suited, necessary and helped served their purpose while I was establishing my individuality at that time. However, as I go into the Mother phase of my life things completely change. As Lune Innate brings up with the card on Sacrifice...being a mother does mean that you have to sacrifice doing things solely for yourself...it requires a change in the Role of a person from self-oriented needs, wants and desires to catering to the needs of the family. In his book (that I am currently reading) Awakening the Buddha Within by Lama Surya Das he explains that even if people choose not to believe in reincarnation they can look at different parts of their lives as 'different lives.' I have advocated that for quite awhile...and that is exactly what is happening. I am letting go of the Persona, subsequently the lifetime associated with it, that I created very carefully in that time period between 2005-2008. That persona (Greek for Mask) was very egoic and filled with labels as well as attachments that defined 'me.' In fact, it was very much based on a villain in my novel. I know that sounds strange but to me that villain seemed strong and for a long time in my life I was more attracted to embodying a Darth Vader type persona than a Luke Skywalker because it seemed more intimidating and powerful...because I was coming from a place of disempowerment and fear. That 'lifetime' as that persona served as a stepping stone to my most recent 7 year cycle. The entire reason my husband was attracted to me was because of my short hair and 'edgy' rebellious style. Without it I would not have attracted him. Yet, it's time to let go of that persona completely. In many ways, I did let go of that persona in 2014 when I started to express my authentic self by embracing my emotional/intuitive/subconscious and walking the Path of the Seeker. Yet, I didn't consciously completely release the 'edgy' kind of rebellious persona. I think the difference in the picture of me from 2009 and the picture of me this year 2018, shows a dramatic difference between the persona I adopted back then and my authentic self. I can still put on that persona, as a mask of sorts, when appropriate such as if I ever go to a rock concert (unlikely since even the smell of marijuana makes me throw up)...but it's more like donning a Halloween costume...I know it's just an illusion and I don't identify that with 'me' but just a conscious illusion I choose to create. Yet, I am seeing the last remnants of that life being completely wiped away. This next cycle will very much focus on partnership and the relationships I have with soul mates- in the form of my Husband, my daughter, and her future sibling whom I'm hoping will make their debut in this world in 2020. There was another dream I had on June 10th 2018 that I did not understand that knowing this helped me to understand. In that dream I was a super hero (a very entertaining them which reflects taking responsibility and acting courageously with compassion for me). I was at a warehouse and I was waiting for he 'villain' to come along. When she did it was an old character that I wrote about...and she asked me to help let her die because she was being 'eaten alive by cancer'. I told her that I could do that and I held her as her life seeped out of her and heard he most beautiful angelic music playing. I think after all that I have written that dream is easy to interpret...however, just in case, it's clear that old character was representative of that aspect of myself that I built up and created...but hadn't completely let go of in this life. That course which was very bitter, if I had continued on it, probably would not have ended well as the 'eaten up with cancer' factor of that persona indicates. Letting go of that defensiveness has been hard...being fully vulnerable and transparent with people can be tough and goes against everything that we have been programmed to do (especially if your an introvert like me)...you would think with the YouTube channel and this blog I would have that down but for a long while I had a lot of self-doubt in a one-on-one in person environment.
Now, I thought that this video from Lune Innate would be it...lesson learned.
There was a strong connection with what I was experiencing and what she was talking about in her hybrid Tarot and oracle card reading. Yet, I stumbled across a wonderful channel with someone who understands and can talk about astrology and be straight to the point (Rick Levine know's his stuff but he rambles and projects a lot). Conscious Cool Chic Molly McCord is to the point and...apparently, the entire set of patterns that I have found myself in were in the stars themselves. First, is the realization that i can't save everyone...and that it's really up to them. I can't drag people along into a new paradigm. I realized this was a major life theme of this year back on July 4th when I shared this blog about getting on the Positive Train: https://bridgetkorns.weebly.com/blog/getting-on-the-positive-train6100232. I kind of felt when I wrote the positive train post that it was a last call to get your ticket for this transition...and it seems that's what the Stars themselves are saying. By the time you read this blog, the Lunar and Solar Eclipses will have happened. Life might not change dramatically for you at that time (as it will for me) so that you notice but that shift will have happened. What is so strange for me is that while she's talking about things happening on a Collective Conscious level...the dates are very much tied to events going on in my life. When she starts to talk about the August 11th Solar Eclipse in Leo...well, I should either be just out of the hospital after a c-section delivery of my daughter Michelle or still in the hospital after that surgery. My husbands birthday is August 10th...so, he's going through a tremendous transition from what was a continuation of his single life...to the full responsibility of being a father who is going to share the work and joy of raising Michelle more equally then any other man I have ever encountered. That my life is paralleling the state of the Collective Consciousness so closely is pretty darn amazing.
Conclusion
Now that I know where I am going it does provide a lot of hope and eases the uncomfortable feeling I had that was preventing me from letting go of the remnants of that persona. I can see how the items I've let go of recently had no place in this new phase of development. As Francesca Simone says, knowing what phase I'm going into helps me to set my intentions and plant the seeds I hope to reap in the next 7 year cycle. In many ways my Higher Self has confirmed the goal of partnership as the purpose of this next phase of my life which means that I can consciously help co-create these experiences so that they are in alignment with my soul's goal. Life is so much easier when you are consciously working with your Higher Self.
A Brief Look Ahead
I have 9 more systems of 7's to share with you. The 7 directions of the Native American Medicine Wheel- Resources Jamie Sams (Dancing the Dream) and Sun Bear (Dancing With The Medicine Wheel). The Dogon 7 Rays- Resource Laird Scranton and Marcel Griaule (The Pale Fox which I'm lucky I have a copy of!) The 7 Rays of Life - Resource Alice Bailey (I will be searching for an additional source in the coming months). The Hindu 7 Houses Story- Resource Laird Scranton (I will be searching for an additional source in the coming months) Egyptian 7 Neters- Resource John Van Auken (I will be searching for an additional source in the coming months) The 7 Mansions of the Heart (a concept by a Catholic Nun considered a saint): Resource Mansions of the Heart: Exploring The 7 Stages of Spiritual Growth 7 Points of Lo Jong- Resource: Awakening The Buddha Within by Lama Surya Das and Training The Mind and Cultivating Loving Kindness by Chogyam Trungpa 7 Gates of Righteous Knowledge: Resource Seven Gates of Righteous Knowledge : Spiritual Knowledge and Faith for the Noahide Movement by Moshe Weiner The 7 Esoteric Planets - Paul Foster Case (primarily The Tarot: A Key To the Wisdom of the Ages by Paul Foster Case and Sun Sign Secrets by Amy Zerner and Monte Farber). Then I will go into the systems of 8 that are very much related to these systems of Seven: The Eight Stages of The Po Pilu- Laird Scranton and The Pale Fox by Marcel Griaule The Eight Ganesha Incarnations - Laird Scranton (I will be securing an additional resource). The Eight Fold Path of the Buddha- Awakening The Buddha Within by Lama Surya Das (I will be adding another resource) I'm sure I'll be stumbling over additional systems but I just wanted to share this outline with you so that you know that there is much more to come! Each time I think that I am coming to an end on the Path of the Seeker I find a new beginning.
This pattern has going on for some time. Yet, I now realize that the end of what I thought was the path is just the end of the cycle and the start of something new. Just as energy is never really removed from the Universe but merely changes form...so to our lives are constantly in movement. We get the lightning strike from above when we become stagnant...because the last thing we want to become is a dead pond...or Dead Pool (ahahahaha!) I know that I am coming to the end of a cycle. If we go by the cycle of 7's, which you'll find out is a significant number...I am at the end of my 5th cycle of 7 (I'm currently 35). In the month of July (7th month of the year) I will be turning 36 on the 5th. That's just a fun little set of numerical coincidences. I'm sure that it's a coincidence (wink) that I will be giving birth to my daughter Michelle and head into motherhood in August...safely within that new cycle of 7. I really didn't realize this cycle until had a dream about it not to very long ago. Either way, as I prepare to exit this current cycle, which I am glad is over and has been very instructive I realize I've hit a new plateau. There are changes I didn't forsee and a new sense of self-confidence that I didn't posses. Goodbye To Doubt If you look through this blog you will find a lot of Self-Doubt and confusion. I had not found the teachers that I needed when I first stepped out onto the Path. I found a lot of False Teachers. Most of the teachers that I first encountered that seemed to know more and understand the symbolism were shown to be after two things- Recognition and Money....or they were trying to justify their religious faith to some degree. Neither of those ever really interested in me so I didn't have that pitfall. I explained this is my post on my initiation (https://bridgetkorns.weebly.com/blog/my-spiritual-initiation). Yet, it made the road really rough to have inauthentic teachers as a guidance system. This caused some unnecessary pain and anguish as well a slower progress along the path beause it lead to a lot of imbalance. I would question myself if people who were not Seekers questioned my ideas or what I surmised to be true. While many of those people that I knew did read my blog at first- many of them have fallen away. i realize now that they are stuck in a paradigm that they cannot change. Frozen by fear of thinking 'outside of the box' because so many religious and scientific authorities have told them it's a sin to disagree with religious Group Think. Onc we upon a time those same religious authorities killed those people who disagree and dared to practice or teach anything else but fear based religions so it's understandable. All I can do is sit back and watch as they go through their Wake Up calls. To them, I'm sure much of my blog, especially the early ones where I couldn't give voice to the patterns I perceived, sound like the mad ravings of a lunatic. To use an Alchemical term I've had to Distill my mind quite a bit to finally reach a level of clarity where I can speak about the information that I've found in a way that's easily understood by others. The intense effort took about two years which is in agreement with what Rav Michael Latiman explains in Path of the Kabbalah. Finding that the Channel Bashar, the channeled Pleadian messages, the Edgar Cacye readings, Paul Foster Case and his work on the Alchemy/Tarot, Dennis WIlliam Hauck's work on Alchemy, the five books on the Kabbalah that I posess, a new series of information on the 7 Rays, Thomas Campbell, Laird Scranton....all of these different sources have the same truth...and that they actually make the words of Jesus and the symbolism of the New and Old Testament obvious...has given rise to a confidence in this work. To really understand how all of this ties together you have to develop the Eyes to see it and the ears to hear it. I have no doubt that Jesus and John the Baptist were trained in the Kabbalah by the Essenes. The Roman Catholic Church did everything in their power to destroy the evidence. They utterly destroyed almost all records of the Essenes leaving nothing of that group behind and every manuscript that had anything to do with teachings along the lines of what the Essenes taught were burned. They wiped out all evidence of the esoteric tradition that Jesus referenced and then used their own interpretations that focused only on the Physical Material World and Fear...so that they could have all of the power and money. They were the first 'Thought Police' way before Stalin or Hitler or Political Correctness. Why the common academic cannot see this fact is beyond my comprehension other then they continue to operate under the conditioned group memory of the Catholic ideology. In the Ivory Towers of their profession they do not peer down at their fellow men or mingle in their world but live in isolation entertaining their dead forebearers. Sitting Back And Enjoying The Show That's an odd way to put it isn't it? Just sit back and watch the show as it all unfolds. That's become my philosophy. I've realized becoming upset about what other people are going through isn't going to change the event that already happened. I can't do anything about what's happening in Hawaii with the Volcano. Making myself sick with worry or empathy helps absolutely no one. The karma involved with the residents who are experiencing that is unique to each individual and it's a learning experience the Soul decided it wants...A Wake Up Call. Once you see everything as a natural voluntary unfoldment of a Universal Plan it sure takes a lot off of your plate. There is no reason to sit here and worry or get involved with things that do not involve you. Now I'm not talking predestination. As Thomas Campbell explains...it's more like a simulation. We're going to go back to my old video game analogy to explain this... Video Game Example Unlike philosophers that didn't have the opportunity to play these sorts of things...I know that it's not a "this or that" situation of Free Will vs. Predestination. When I play an open world video game like Skyrim there is no predestination involved. Did the programmers put in story lines? Yeah, a main story line and subplots. Yet, it's entirely up to the player what they want to do in that open ended world. If I want to go hunting in that open ended world for days and days...awesome. I can do that and there are no penalties. If I want to have my character marry another character, kill it off and then marry another one...you totally can. There is complete Free Will and no requirement that you finish the main plot...and even when you do finish the main story line it's not the end of the game. So, the programmers created this Open World with lots of options and a main story line you have the option of playing...but it's entirely up to the Free Will to decide what they want to do...and say they have one character that's just a hunter. Another character is going to become a vampire or a werewolf...just because...yeah, there are consequences but nothing in there that says each character has to complete the main story line. As a matter of fact, I watched my husband complete the main quest and I never did because I wanted to complete all of the side quests in the game before beating the main quest...and I never really ended up accomplishing that goal. Life is a lot like that...and because we know that we are eternal souls that exist outside of the game (in other words Physical Matter Reality) you realize that the Avatars that are running around here on Earth having these bad experiences...doesn't really matter as much because their eternal souls are destined to end up in the same place...some just take a little longer to finish the game. If my character dies in Skyrim it would suck if I had to start all the way at the beginning again...and, yet, I would probably still play it. I will be disappointed and frustrated but...it doesn't physically hurt me when my Avatar dies in a video game. That's the same way our soul feels when the physical body in Physical Matter Reality dies...it's disappointed and maybe a little frustrated. My soul was pretty pissed when I was murdered abruptly on the East Coast, "THAT wasn't supposed to happen!" was the first thing I said as a soul when I popped out of that body after a long excruciating drowning/bleeding out death. That's exactly what I would say now if I were trying to kill a troll in Skryim and my character died!! Making Space For Others To Fail Imagine you were playing a video game with other characters. To level up you have to hunt rabbits. Every time you go to get a rabbit your friend kills it. Wouldn't you be upset? When you ask them why and they say, "Because it was hard and I didn't want you to have to do that!" That wouldn't be much of an explanation would it? Not to mention, what if every time they 'saved you' from having to kill that rabbit...the rabbit goes up in level so that it's harder the next time you try to kill it to level up? Yet, when we save people from the situations they have created for themselves we do this same exact thing. We prevent them from learning, from leveling up spiritually, and for some reason society applauds it! As a society we have this current trend to creating a false reality for kids so that they can remain immature up until their twenties. Then we wonder why they don't move out or get a job and continue to stay at home with their parents. They never developed independence and individuality which is crucial to the life experience and for a Spiritual Awakening. They don't know how to be adults because they were never allowed to mature as children so they are stuck in the mind set of a five year old! The media is always reporting the do gooders who "save" others. They get all sorts of credit and appear on television or have a feel good newspaper article written about them. Meanwhile, no one covers what happens to the person that was 'helped' after they are 'saved.' The show Intervention is a good example. I met someone that was quick to tell me they were on that show...and the person had the worst alcohol breath. She was proud she was on television. That had really become a part of her identity and her crowning achievement of life...and her addiction brought her that so why on Earth would she change? The people who do that show and the family/friends who did the Intervention were trying to "save her"and got their fifteen minutes of fame. They probably received a lot of positive attention for being good people. Yet, they didn't help her on any level...they reinforced her drinking problem. They made the situation worse. We must make room for people- including kids- to fail. If we protect people from themselves their lessons on this Earth that their soul wants to achieve will not get easier...it will get harder and more dramatic. We can help people when they fail...we can give them guidance...but the greatest teachers are failure and experience. That is not something that can be taught in the carefully crafted environment of school or college because they want people's money and the more who graduate...the more they can advertise themselves as just wonderful institutions. They are judged by graduation rates and not the amount of people who use their degrees to get good jobs (whether or not it's in the field they studied). There is no proof stating that college students make good workers...but there is evidence that they end up being terrible workers. A Single Focus One of the things that I stumbled across that was amazing to me was the fact that a singular focus is something that is very much needed on the Path of the Seeker. That single focus is absolutely needed. The white rose that the Fool holds in the 0 Tarot Key represents purification by having a singular focus. I never realized that I had a Singular Focus until just recently. The focus doesn't matter. As long as you learn the discipline of concentration and release the constantly chattering thinking mind (some call it monkey mind others refer to it as racing thoughts...which everyone has to some degree). I currently prefer Sound Meditations. They keep me to a certain time limit and I can lose myself entirely within them. You can probably tell I prefer Temple Sounds on YouTube but there is also the AMSR stuff I recently discovered...this ambient sound makes many people fall asleep because they enter a meditative state listening to it....they call it tingles...but listening to the ambient noise (squishing, tapping sounds, crinkles) allows them to focus just on the sound clearing their mind. There are some who are not susceptible to that and I suspect it's because their minds are very chaotic and they lack an open mind. Physiological Changes Now this I did not realized until recently. I just finished writing the transcripts for the 7 stages of Alchemy. Each time I write a transcript I take my time. I read the material from both books. Then I go through each minutely and take down notes and quotes that seem pertinent. Then I go through and write the Transcript forming one seamless unit. This process takes a few days and really allows the information to percolate in my brain. Percolation, by the way, is how coffee is brewed in a coffee machine. The water is heated to a certain heat and then it runs through the ground coffee and filter...leaving only the 'essence' of the coffee. More or less, it is the Distillation process of Alchemy. In both Paul Foster Case and Dennis William Hauck's book there were references to physiological changes. Now, when I first read Dennis William Hauck's book I was like, "Eh," when it came to those physiological changes. That's because I hadn't really paid attention to how my body has changed since 2016 when I started to really get my bearing with this work. My diet completely changed two years ago. I read a nutrition book based on the work of Edgar Cacye and I tried it out. Before that I was having tremendous pain in my stomach that did not have a physiological cause (a sign of major blockages in my Root and Sacral chakras). I began to take two to three teaspoons of Olive Oil a day and I also started doing my Heavenly Light meditation every night. The pain in my stomach went away. I also adopted a mostly vegetarian diet. Grains in the morning, fruit or veggies for lunch and with dinner I'd only have a 4oz piece of meat. I tried to avoid pork. I also started walking regularly and I lost 20 pounds. The benefits haven't stopped there, however, and in the last six months- which means it could be due to the pregnancy- I've really stayed true to my diet as much as I can. I drink mostly water. A little juice but not a lot (I find it to be too acidic)...and the diet I started back in 2016. I do have some sugar sometimes...some candy or ice cream but in small amounts. My metabolism has become regular. Before I would go weeks without elimination. Now, I go once almost every day. The difference is amazing. I don't feel chronically tired. I have noticed a total difference in my complexion and in my hair. I used to have a lot of acne. I also used to have very brittle wavy hair. The acne has completely cleared up and my hair is now soft to the touch while being straight. I also changed from being a bleeder (I would hemorrhage at the slightest provocation) to hardly bleeding at all. When I go in for my weekly shots at the OBGYN that prevent premature labor the nurse is always amazed at how the big needle doesn't cause me to bleed. When I had surgery for my cerclage I bled very little. This is a huge change! When Paul Foster Case said that the change as a result of doing the alchemical work had to do with the blood stream he wasn't kidding. I heard about physical changes from the channel Kryon but that information is a bit garbled and once it hit DNA activation I completely stopped following that channel. The approach to physiological changes just didn't seem plausible or applicable and so I discounted that source entirely. When I was unbalanced I was attracted to that source of information. I'm not huge into that source of information now but it is interesting and if it works for people then good for them. Scientifically there is a lot of information on the effect of meditation on people's health. Most of the work has been done on people who meditate in the Asiatic countries...so it doesn't seem something that's pertinent to the Western world or to medical science. The key component of meditation though...is desire. Unlike a pill, you have to have the discipline and the desire to sit down and meditate each day. That is asking a lot out of the Western mindset that is conditioned to spend all of their time working and pursuing material desires like the American Dream. Sound and Task meditation are probably the two best approaches for such people. Sound Meditation- As I mentioned above...involves listening to either Tibetan Singing Bowls or ASMR 'white noise.' It cannot be something intrusive or that the mind can follow along with...but serve as a focus for the mind. Minimal soft guided meditation instructions or whispering are good but to reach deeper levels it's best to have no talking. Conclusion If more people thought of this life like a Simulation or a Video Game it would be a good thing. Then, maybe like in Skyrim, when you get sick of having a bunch of material stuff you''d start to get rid of it. In every life you wouldn't pursue th empty goals of a car, house, and family. The freedom would be amazing. There would be a lot less pressure if people realized that their essence is an eternal being that's outside of Physical Matter Reality. That would go a long way towards helping people psychologically. I can imagine centers where criminals and druggies are treated by teaching them how to accept and work with their subconscious...guided in more of a serene Temple like setting on how to cross that Void...unlike psychiatric hospitals that are like jails or jails this method would actually work. If you treat a person like an animal they will act like an animal...treat them as a sacred human being and they will surprisingly rise to that level. Those who's minds are not as chaotic could follow the same teaching at home. As far as what the future holds for me...I am now heading into working on the 7 Hebrew Letters of the Path of the Seeker. After that I will go into the 7 paths of the Kabbalah associated with the Path of the Seeker....then the 7 Paths of the Native American Medicine Wheel...then to the 7 Rays of the Dogon. I'm also going to study the book Gilgamesh because I have as suspicion that story is allegorical and has to do with cutting off the Subconscious...and of how Western Minds began to ignore/dismiss/denounce the Subconscious. In fact, they started to symbolically sacrifice the bull that represented the subconscious instead of the Ego...and began working the Intellect. I'm sure that I will continue to refine my knowledge and application of that knowledge during that time period. The results I've experienced already of a deep abiding peace make all of this work worth it...and no matter which of these paths draw people to the Path of the Seeker and help to illuminate that path for them...I'm grateful to be of service. (Update, I wrote this 15 days ago and the situation has changed significantly (at about 14 days so two cycles of 7's later). However, as this was already written and I want to leave an accurate record of the different stages I have gone through I wanted to post this...I will do my best to post future updates around the time I write them from now on.) As promised here is a bit of a Personal Update.
I know it's a big long but there is a lot to share! Week 26 Of My Pregnancy I am far more relaxed because I'm at 26 weeks with Baby Michelle! Oh, and yes we know it's a girl and her name will be Michelle Annmarie Korns. I could go into premature labor at any time. If I do go into premature labor, however, she would have to stay at the ICU at the hospital for a while but she won't require life support. Her lungs will be developed, unlike her sister. So, we're out of that point of time where we are in danger of her not surviving. I am over the moon excited and relieved. Michelle's a mover and a shaker. I had a dream that she had really long legs. My grandmother Alta McMasters, who passed away back in the late 90's had long legs. So, that does run in the family and based on her movements of where she's kicking and punching....she seems really long compared to her late sister. Hopefully, we have ten weeks or longer for her to continue to grow and gain all of the strength that she needs. I had a dream that her bedroom theme was Gray and Elephants. Then when we went to register for gifts people can buy her (we went to the store and signed up then I added things online. The girls at BuyBuyBaby and at Target looked so sad when I told them I was high risk and couldn't take the scanner out on the floor to scan items I wanted because I can't walk much. I discovered gray and elephants is "huge" this year. Thank you Collective Consciousness. I am not guilty of reading baby magazines or having any clue that was the case. I'm pretty sure the inspiration came from a huge elephant I bought my mom for Valentines day that she didn't want and told me to keep for Baby Michelle. Also, a friend at work Ruby, who's from Guam, recommended I buy a lucky elephant for getting pregnant...which I did and soon thereafter I was pregnant. So, elephants have been associated with my little one from the get go. However, I will probably call her my Deer One. I was attracted to Deers for Christmas when I became pregnant with her. I got a glitter red deer to adorn the front door of my house, a deer underskirt for my tree and a deer mug from the Starbucks where I work (in that collection each licensed store had their own design- Target had a Fox, Albertsons had a Deer and Starbucks had a Bear! I was really luck I was at a store that carried the Deer). I also had a dream that an elephant dissolved and became a deer so that's really the symbol that I think of for Michelle. Also,in a meditation before I knew I was pregnant I was sitting in my favorite place to envision...under a tree in a green field with wildflowers, butterflies and dragonflies chasing one another...when a fawn spontaneously appeared, came up to me, we touched foreheads and just communed silently with love. I had never encountered anything in my sacred mental space before (besides bugs) but it felt right and soon after I found out I was pregnant. I still love to summon that scene when I'm stressed out because it was so peaceful, loving and magical. I have never had a personal connection with the Deer Totem before. I may or may not have a baby shower. My mom wants to throw it but she is still recovering from nearly dying in that car accident. She is doing much better but recovery has been slow. She's not sure she's going to have the energy to throw a party and I surely don't. We may have a get together after the baby is born but that's entirely dependent on whether I'm up to it or not since I will be recovering from a c-section and would have to help do the work (the house work chores have been sorely neglected while I'm on Disability). I'm appreciative people want to be involved with my daughter. We Hit Over 1000 YouTube Views I probably should have mentioned this in the updated introduction to my YouTube channel. I really don't pay attention to the statistics on YouTube but I didn't know it when I recorded that video. I make the videos because I enjoy it and for no other reason. Plus, I wasn't really sure how all of that was tracked. I had goofed with the updated introduction video, however, and twice uploaded one that had the word Introduction misspelled (gotta love having dyslexia). Even when I corrected the mistake and tried to save it the program switched it back to the misspelled slide. So, I wound up just deleting the word completely and saving the video a third time. In that process I had to figure out how to delete the original video I had uploaded, which I had never done before, and stumbled across the statistic that we had hit over 1000 YouTube views. That gave me a pause. I had to see what was the most popular video and was surprised to discover it was the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy video. That blew me away because I had no idea that would be so popular when I made it...but that was a unique epiphany that was huge in my own world when I discovered it so it doesn't surprise me that it's an exciting concept for other people. That psychology, in different wording, spoke about Manifestation is fascinating and gives it more validity. So, thank you for supporting my YouTube effort. I'm always amazed when I log in here and see that I have over 100+ views a week. When I first started there were maybe 14 a week or so...but in the last few years the average tends to be around 100 a week with it peaking at 500 at times. I don't make money through Weebly...it's a free service and they would love if I'd upgrade and pay them money but I love the features so I stick with it. Again, I'm glad people have found this to be a useful resource on their Journey through life. I share this information in the hopes that it will help others. By far the most popular blog I've written was the Illusion of Separation which was one of my greatest epiphanies. If you can grasp that you can gain a great deal of peace and that's what I hope most people find when reading my blog. To me that's such a part of who I am now I forget that other people don't exist like that...that they believe that they are a wind tossed boat on the sea of fortune weak before the whims of merciless Demons, Angels and God. They hold onto the rudder trying to direct themselves where they think they ought to go without ever contemplating using the sail or paying attention to the tides or the stars for guidance. Instead, they fell utterly and completely alone in a hostile world constantly being attacked by hostile forces- including The One Creator- and unworthy. What The Videos Are Going To Cover Next First, as I said, I was a bit stuck on the Tarot card series of videos. I had recorded some, wrote most of them and researched all 7 cards. However, I realize that these little pictorial meditation aides are packed with so much information and refer to so many other deep systems- primarily the Kabballah tree of life, Hebrew Letters, and Alchemy...that I didn't feel comfortable sharing the information I had... Just like the Chakra material...there are some who look at the system of Tarot with a shallow point of view but I choose to share a more in depth point of view and integrate my own experiences. I want to be able to do the same with the 7 Cards of the Tarot that depict the Spiritual Path. Although Paul Foster Cases book The Tarot A Key To The Wisdom Of The Ages and Thursday Night Tarot with Jason Lotterhead both go into some detail there was a lot more that could be fleshed out...preferably in preceding videos so that I could just link to the information on the Kabbalah, Alchemy and the 7 Hebrew words attached to the cards. I really want to narrow in on the symbols and what they mean exactly in the Tarot videos. Otherwise it will end up being a 20 minute video that some people just don't have the time to watch. I don't regret reading those 7 cards in that order and meditating on them. I was shocked by what I learned. There are personal insights that I have not included in the video's because I really want people to make their own connection. One such example is that the Iced Capped mountains in the Fool Card are significant and that I noticed that the cliff face seems to have an eagle head made of stone...it's all very fascinating. I had read both books before but when you take time to study and meditate on each card weighing the symbolism...not to mention focusing specifically on that 7...well, it was an amazingly fun and Revelation. Those who have been taught this form of spirituality through the mystery schools like to teach in small doses. That's because the student can be overwhelmed very easily. I want to take that approach and yet be flexible enough that a devout student that's a little further on the path has the option to go investigate further in depth. Plus it dispels all forms of mystery making the people who use the 'secret' aspect of it seem like bad guys or something with evil intent (I believe such interpretations are left over from the Dark Ages where anyone who didn't believe exactly as the church was exterminated. The fact that they can still hold some traction today tells you that we still have people who are thousands of years behind spiritually). I realized I am not fully prepared to write about the Kabbalah either. I have four books (technically five but one was an awful inauthentic teaching) and a decent knowledge but I felt the information was a bit off. There was something missing. I needed the right approach to really get to the crux of it all...to sum up each level of the Tree of Life in a way that's easily understood, in depth, and not obtuse. Just like with Alchemy and the Tarot the people who taught the Kabbalah had to resort to symbolic obscure language to protect themselves so that the Catholic Church wouldn't kill them. I ordered two books. A book on Alchemy by Paul Foster Case and a book on the Kabbalah by Dion Fortune that was not only highly recommended but while reading a sample I was amazed it said something I had never seen in print before- that the reference to the Dweller on the Threshold is the Shadow. I realized, like Paul Foster Case Dion Fortune was a straight talker and probably wrote down more in the book then the mystery schools approved. Unable to decide if I should do the videos on the Kabbalah tree of life first or Alchemy of Hebrew Letters I decided I would let the universe decide. One of the books on the Hebrew letters was online so that got the green light from the start... If the book on Kabbalah came in first I was going to work on the Kabbalah. However, it didn't come in so...the first book to come in is on Alchemy. I worked on the 7 steps of Alchemy (Paul Foster Case puts them into a system of Twelve to match the Zodiac but that's a bit messy....Dennis William Hauck's work is more precise and to the point so I'm going to use the 7 stages). Alchemy absolutely ties in with the Tarot. The Tarot cards have a lot of elements that come from Alchemy. The western mystery schools mix all three together seamlessly. I decided to rotate between the Taort Card Keys depicting the Path of the Seeker, the 7 Stages of Alchemy and The 7 Hebrew letter's associated with the 7 Tarot Card Keys depicting the Path of the Seeker. I have already recorded all of the Introduction Videos (totaling 3), all of the Tarot videos (7), two of of the Alchemy and two of the Hebrew Letters. I've ready both Alchemy books from cover to cover but I didn't take notes so now I'm doing the detailed research and notes to sort of sum up with the two Masters- Dennis William Hauck and Paul Foster Case- had to say on the subject. As for the Hebrew letters, I am doing the same research between the books The Hebrew Alphabet: A Mystical Journey by Edward Hoffman (which I highly recommend) and Secrets of the Hebrew Alphabet by Daniela Abravanel. I haven't read either of them completely but I'm just working through them to provide the information that I need for the 7 letters (I will probably read them cover to cover once I'm done with the YouTube series). Eventually, we will cover all 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet and all 22 Tarot Card Keys but for now we are focusing just on the what is pertinent to the Path of the Seeker because that is not a topic I have seen covered in depth anywhere else and it is absolutely fascinating to look at them simply in that context. Conclusion Thank you again for taking the time to read my blogs and watch my videos. I'm thrilled that the information I have studied, given my own personal interpretation to based on my own experiences, and shared have found an audience. To hit 1000 views on YouTube and to have so many people reading this blog is absolutely amazing and am so grateful...for every person that I reach I know that there is a potential that 100 more may be reached through them or from them working with the material I've presented and then sharing their own unique perception of it. I know some might walk onto this path and go, "Ugh, psychology really? That's what the mystery schools taught as magic but in really freaking obscure language?" Yup, pretty much. When you Know Yourself you are are working through your own stuff...to become a purer vessel and communicate with your Higher Self that knows far more then you and tune into others. You learn you have a divine connection to the One Creator through your Subconscious...that you don't need to go to church or to some 'clergy member' that seems to have a direct line for you. You start to work and dialogue with that Higher Power on your own. Then miracles ensue in your life (just as long as the miracles you want doesn't involve material objects....Spirit is not concerned with how much crap you can amass in this life...all of the riches that you mine in this process come in the form of Psychological states of being- that's your 'riches in heaven'....it's not like you go to heaven and it's another physical material reality where you have gobs of stuff waiting for you because you were such a humble person int his life and then you can lord it over your peers in that realm. That's a really misguided interpretation of the church.) Yes, you seem to have almost a magical quality to you because a person who is really psychologically healthy and in tune with Spirit is super rare. You can see where events are going and see a broader perspective then people only out for the personal agenda. You see the Universal One Creator in everyone. Maybe it's disappointing or maybe, like me, you're grateful. This is the psychology that needs to be taught to everyone. Tried, tested and proven by millennia and backed up with modern Psychological studies in a lot of ways. This is the psychology that can heal the masses. Not the stuff that puts forth the idea that consciousness is only a result of chemicals produced and mechanically mixing in our brain that can be treated with a pill. Last week was a bit overwhelming for me.
The final weeks of December 2017 were rough and the first week of 2018 was brutal. I worked for six days straing, starting on Saturday all the way through Thursday and they were all eight hour shifts. When that happens I usually have some time to write my blogs or I will use the blogs I've already written (which I do have several of) but things were a little bit more compicated then that. First, and perhaps the most sensational news, is that I discoverd that I was pregnant. This was actually the week before Christmas that I discovered it (December 20th to be exact) but I couldn't go to the doctors right away. I had no insurance in the month of December because I was eight hours short of meeting my minimum for insurance coverage in the month of October. The things I do to have good reasonably priced insurance! So, that was the first thing that was kind of mind blowing and I'll go into some detail of that. However, on top of that I came down with the flu. Now, because I was pregnant I couldn't take anything for the flu and I couldn't go to the doctor for help because I had no insurance. Well, that sums up the final weeks of 2017 for me. I was in this in between state of being super sick with the flu, which has been horrible this year in southern California with nearly everyone getting sick (because people with the flu can't stay home but have to work). So, in that last final stretch of six days of work straight it was me focusing on getting through the eight hours of work with a combination of the Flue and Morning Sickness. Then I'd come home and go straight to bed all while expectantly looking forward to my OB appointment on Friday the 5th. Also, on top of this my research into Self-Actualization- the final step on the Hierarchy of Needs by Abraham Maslow- was a bit more complicated then I expected. I ordered a book by Maslow called The Farther Reaches of Human Nature and I will go into more detail later about readint that in this blog. The Pregnancy I have mentioned on here many times how my daughter, Lilith-Ann was born prematurely at 23 weeks and passed away three days later. I have at least five other miscarriages and a blighted ovum. The Blight Ovum was particularly hard because that started off as a normal pregnancy but when an ex-boyfriend and I went in to find out the gender there was no heart beat. The miscarriage with my husband Ross in 2015 was particularly hard given that we had such high hopes only to go in and find out there was no heart beat. I remember in 2015 it was one of the most crushing. One, because the doctor I had gone to that had delivered my daughter was such a moron. He had assured me nothing would go wrong with the next pregnancy. Then we go in and there is no heart beat and he says that I am an excellent canidate for surrogacy. He was a complete and utter unempathetic idiot. My current doctor is very wise, if a little forgetful. For some reason when we went in the processed me as a new paitent...even though I went twice last year (do I really need to go to an OB more then that?). He did, however, pull up my file when I told him he sent me to have the septum reduction and quickly ordered a ultrasound (I don't think he would have if he thought we were a walk in as previously thought by his front end ladies who are not too bright). The babies heart beat was probably the most important moment. The ultrasound tech found the baby and the heart beat very easily. What a releif after so many bad experiences where I went in and there wasn't a heart beat! As of today, I'm at seven weeks. The doctor had said previously he would put me out as soon as we had a heart beat but he changed it. I will be going back this Friday so they can have a better look at the baby and hopefully have a better plan in place. I think last Friday I was just more overwhelmed with the fact he baby was okay then anything else and once I knew that I just wanted to take a nap. This year, as I said, is a year of dramatic change for me. I will know this year if I will have children or not. Quite possibly, this pregnancy is the decisive moment for me. I believe this one will work out fine. Things are dramatically different from my last experience. I have a very knowledgeable wise doctor, an incredible job with people who support me (I can't say how much I love my supervisor Angie and my bookkeeper Stephanie), and Ross isn't distracted by work or trying to buy a house so he's actually much more present during this pregnancy. The Farther Reaches of Human Nature I will be writing a review for this book this week. First, I discovered Self-actualization is far more complicated then I thought. As I did research online I realized it was very subjective and there was as lot of projection by authors attempting to cover the subject. To rule out other people's subjective opinions and projection on the topic I chose to go straight to the source...Abraham Maslow. So, I ordered the book The Farther Reaches of Human Nature. I chose those book, instead of his first book, because it was later in his life. In fact, this book was published after he died. I wanted to get his final thoughts, his mature thinking, on the ideas that set him apart from the other pschologists (this is also why I wread Pathways to Bliss by Joseph Campbell). The book is 375 pages long. While usually this wouldn't be very hard for me to read with everything else going on in my life it actually proved difficult. Plus, Maslow is a little bit of a sensationlist in the way he speaks. There were times I had to put the book down, ponder what he had said and go back to it. I made a lot of notes as I read the book and realized that the amount of information shared was a bit overwhelming. With both the flu and morning sickness last week I wasn't capable of thinking clearly enough to sort through the information and make an cohesive YouTube video. The Self-Actualizing level of the Hierarchy of Needs is defintely the most complex. Maslow even laments at one point, 'It is unfortunate that I can no longer be theoretically neat at this level." (pg 270). Hence, since the man himself isn't really organized it's a bit hard to make a short concise message out of his work. I do have high hopes of boiling it down to a very simple short video that I will share this week. Although, I still need to sit down and actually write it I now have my notes in order enough to know how exactly I want to tackle the subject. Since the subject is immense, and there is a lot to it I will keep it as simple and short as possible which might leave a lot to be desired. But I will be doing a conclusion video where I go into more depth about what Maslow had to say about Being or the B-Realm which I have decided not to cover in depth in the Self-Actualization video, Phew! Conclusion I apologize that I simply disappered. The final weeks of December 2017 were rough and the first week of 2018 was brutal. Thankfully, I have this week off by chance and I will hopefully be 100% rid of the flu. I'm still suffering from nasal congestion but it's minor compared to the fever and cough. The next three weeks, if I do work, might be a bit spotty. Working, and battling morning sickness might make it difficult for me to keep up with my posts. Espeically if I work long hours as I did last week. So, please bear with me during this extremely trying but exciting time in my life! I will keep you updated with the pregnancy as it goes along as it is only right for me to chronicle what happens on here as it is very much a part of my healing and spiritual journey. |
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Brave Soul! May Your Journey On The Path Of The Seeker Bring You Joy and Peace! I'm currently posting every Saturday. With a new addition the family I have pre-scheduled most posts through December 2022. Full Moon Posts will contain up-to-date content when I can get to them. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! This is a place where you can encounter new spiritual ideas that have helped me develop as an Individual On The Path of the Seeker. Take or Leave this information as you see fit. Archives
April 2024
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