As you listen to the sound meditation focus on the Tarot Moon Card Key. When you come to the end of the ten minute sound meditation write down any feelings, thoughts or insights you had into this fascinating Tarot Card Key.
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I have a broad view on how religion has helped shaped humanity.
By focusing on the details people often get bogged down and lose the ability to conceive the bigger picture. I am only focusing on those of the Eur-Asian continent as the Native American teachings remained relatively the same over the centuries. I think that if people actually tried to understand the different phases of religion and that they all evolved out of the same likely source...we would have a peaceful world. Yet, for some reason people want to pick teams or fight that what their parents believe is the only way. I just wanted to show the point of view I've come to see through my research. Consider this a little bit like a cosmic timeline perspective of the evolution of spirituality. I could, possibly, attach dates to this but I'm not huge into dates. Original Teachers Laird Scranton has put enough research to consider that there were Original Teachers that were not 100% flesh. They might have been partly astral. This information is based on the Nummo, Buddhist and the Hebrew account of Moses meeting with Yehovah. Lairds suggestion is that at certain times these teachers were able to come and took a select few people to teach a civilizing plan. He hypothesizes that this was occurred after the Flood. That civilizing plan is what evolved into religion for most groups. There are particular items that they all have in common...whether Tibetan, Hindu, Chinese, African, or even neolithic Scottish.For example, two goddesses associated with the Sirius star system is a commonality in all of the systems. Splintering Apart Laird has also suggested that both the Jews and the Dogon split from Egypt where these original teachings were held as sacred. This is based on the fact that the Dogon share some ultra conserved words with Egypt that help illuminate that mysterious language of hieroglyphs. These ultra conserved words and concepts are also found in different cultures but not the degree of similarity between Egyptian and Dogon that Laird Scranton first identified. There is reason to believe that Polytheism began in Egypt as the Priests forgot the origin and purpose of the teachings. They began to worship phases of Creation instead of the actual One Creator. In our others studies it's become clear that these same phases of Creation are described as the 7 Rays written about by Alice Bailey. John Van Auken perceives this as well, "The gods of ancient Egypt are metaphors for key aspects of the origin and destiny of humanity. According to Edgar Cayce's discourses, the average citizen of ancient Egypt understood the hidden messages better than we do today." Unfortunately, in Egypt the common people forgot as each Priest of each 'God' vied for their money at the various temples. This is why in the Jewish tradition anyone who believes in something that is spiritually false is considered a part of 'Egypt' or a Pharaoh. The name Egypt is the synonymous with ignorance. The story of Moses tells of the time when Egypt 'fell' spiritually. Krishna Krishna was the first to really explain the path of Inner Transformation. The main story of Krishna is the Bhagavadgita that is treated as both metaphor and a historical account. In it Krishna is the the main characters High Self instructing him on how to live a righteous life. Krishna is Arujuna's charioteer (which is symbolic of the Sephiroth Gedulah on the Kabbalah tree of life) and he instructs him on dharma and the duty he must perform. Arujuna's family, which he must defeat on the battlefield, are aspects of himself. He is reluctant to 'kill" these lower urges but Krishna explains to him why he must. Krishna explained the reward would be to escape Samsara (the circle of reincarnation, life and death). While most Hindus still believe in other Gods and Godesses they do have the concept of a supreme God from which everything came- Brahmen. Buddhism The Buddha was focused on teaching people the Inward Path. He did not advocate a God in any form. Instead, he instructed people on how they could escape the cycle of suffering known as Samsara through meditation and introspection. Many were not capable of accepting this belief because it was too easy and required personal responsibility. Christianity The purpose of Jesus was possibly to help correct the corruption that was widespread throughout religion thanks to the priesthoods during his time. While, he failed to do this, he did help eradicate polytheism in the world helping to return the gentiles back to the One Creator. If that was one of that souls mission's in that life it was reached, albeit, by brutal means once the Roman's picked up Christianity. The spread of Christianity is notorious for being a bloody campaign waged by the Roman Empire. However, if his mission was to end corruption in religious practices he failed. Since his ministry became the main vehicle for a Empire to justify and rule the world it inevitably was corrupted. While Jesus advocated a direct relationship with the Creator through the Holy Spirit the Roman Catholic Church ensured people were frightened of that experience. Only their Priests could safely commune with God. Further, the justification for why the Pope should rule the world was because Jesus was God's son and the Pope is simply a place holder until Jesus should return. They claimed that Jesus was the 'only' son of God, although Jesus never claimed that he was the, only son of God and in the Old Testament there are many references to multiple Sons of God, also referred to as Nephilim (Genesis 6:1-4). The Roman's had a lot of reasons to manipulate and change Christianity. Controlling the only texts of the bible they wiped out any texts that disagreed with their interpretation and communities that might disagree with their interpretation. They even destroyed all evidence of the Jewish religious sect that Jesus belonged to- the Essene's. The evidence, when looked at with unbiased logical eyes, suggests that they desperately didn't want what Jesus actually said or believed to become public knowledge. Wiping out all records and testimony to what Jesus actually said (with the help from the Hebrew temple authorities because they stood to lose a lot of money and power if people believed they could individually contact the divine directly) ensured that their interpretation of the texts that remained would give them explicit power to rule the world. Citizens dare not step out of line least they be eternally damned based solely on the information in the book of Revelation and it's unknown author Muslim The parts of the world that were noft converted to Monotheism by Christianity were converted by the Muslims. The Prophet might have served two purposes. First, he helped remove polytheism and idol worship from the lands that Rome could not conquer. Second, to correct the idea that Jesus was the only son of God. The prophet taught that Jesus was a prophet just like him. Atheism While atheists might not have temples or churches they are a school of thought on par with religion. They are a movement of spirituality as much as any other. They are overwhelmingly a response to the iron grip over the privacy and personal life of individuals that the Roman and Muslim Empires once had. Athiesim started to crop up as early as the 16th century but didn't become very popular. After all, people could still be killed if they didn't agree with the majority of the population around them. Atheisim found it's foothold in the United States in the 1960's which was a response to the extremely unyielding harshly judgmental social practices of the 1950's. Most atheists are anti-God and anti-religion. This movement spread with education in the United States. Classes such as comparative religion helps breeds atheism. In today's modern world the fact that ancient religions have similarities is seen as proof that all of them are based on ignorance. Since all religions seem to have the same stories, atheists believe, they must all be wrong because no religion is 'exactly right.' These people usually see only Science that produces results and logic as valuable. Belief and imagination, both parts of the subconscious, are not valued. However, this movement does help because Atheists tend to be more open minded to alternative ideas then religious people. They are more open to debate beliefs (those who consider the possibility of something more then the physical world) and can be persuaded by logic. The temples of worship for these people are the great universities of the world where scientists and academics are the high priests. To agree with the great minds of the Universities is seen as blasphemy because they have a piece of paper saying they did their homework. This was necessary because the major religions of the world had become so bogged down by the strict adherence to dogma that they were/are not open to knew information and were locked into eternal battle for religious dominance. New Age The people who believe in the New Age are inclusive. They allow for the possibility that all religions and spiritual perspectives are correct. They see the similarities between religions as proof that there is something behind these teachings instead of negating their validity. After all, if a bunch of people testify to seeing the same exact event...the event more then likely, from a logical point of view, happened. Further, this group has evolved to a point where they go with what works and not what an authoritiy says will work. There are no temples or priests that they turn to for advice. There are organizations but New Age people tend to buck people claiming to be religious authorities. This is necessary because, just like the religions of old, Science has reached the point of stagnation thanks to Group Think among the Academics who reinforce each other and cast out any new ideas. By approaching spirituality with a balance of both logic and belief with out taking religious sides the people who belong to the 'new age' movement (although, they go by many names as there really isn't an organizing authority behind it) have a lot more room for spiritual growth. Among the New Age philosophies is the idea that one can approach the divine directly in an inclusive manner. There is plenty of room for each to have their own personal beliefs and walk their unique path.. Conclusion I think it's clear that the various major religious movements can be seen as small adjustments with each moving people closer to the embracing the possibility of developing a personal relationship with Divinity. Each group's way of thinking has been a necessary adjustment. Unfortunately, because people tend organize and fall into Group Think the process has been slow and difficult. The only problem has been people getting stuck along this continual progression and refusing to move forward with their thinking. They then claim their group is superior and seek to destroy or kill everyone that disagrees with them. The motivation to kill or destroy those who don't believe agree with them comes from the belief that other people can be a threat to their spiritual survival. In other words, it's based on fear. Each group movement was undoubtedly inspired and guided by spiritual forces none of them are inherently wrong at their core. They all contain the same messages...but it wasn't until the people of the New Age came along that the thought of that possibility didn't seem threatening. To atheists, who were team players, the thought that the religion they belonged to didn't have entirely unique ideas meant that they were all wrong. The New Age group are the first to be capable of grasping the abstract concept of Unity among Multiplicity. Earlier generations, starting with the first people instructed in the Civilizing plan after the flood, simply might not have had the abstract reasoning capable of conceiving of that idea. They were too Earthy, dense, and literal minded to grasp the concept. That is one of the reasons that the adjustments occurred as they did over the large period of time that it required to reach the point where people could think in abstract terms. We can also see the development of the Collective Subconscious...or the Group Soul of humanity when we study the evolution of spiritual thinking. The Collective Subconscious is slowly becoming aware of unity. We now stand on a brink where there is a mix of people still stuck in the team approach to spirituality that has spanned the majority of religious thought all the way up to Atheism. However, we have hit a critical mass when it comes to the people belonging to the "New Age" movement and more people are starting to Wake Up to Oneness and Unity. This book came super highly recommended by Francesca Simon.
Trying to find a good astrology book that covers the planets alone is very hard. This book was amazing. If you have any interest in understanding astrology or the signs you need to buy this book. I give it a 10/10. I know people that belong to all 12 signs and when reading this book I was amazed on how spot on the book was at describing them. The book describes how the person belonging to the zodiac sign is in many faucets of their life. *If they working the energy of their sign in a positive way *If they are working the energy of their sign in a negative way. *As a co-worker *As a boss *Many facets of a love relationship from the first date to the end of a relationship. *Compatibility with other signs *How to raise them *How they are as parents For all of the people I knew these descriptions were spot on. The descriptions for each seem pretty basic at first glance but as you read more into them the small details are amazing. My husband is not a believer in Astrology but when I read to him the information for the Zodiac sign of Cancer he laughed and said, "That is you to a T!" with a shocked expression. This is a *must have* book for anyone on the Path of the Seeker. Now if only the authors would write books on Rising and Moon Sign's for us!
This stage of Alchemy is so surprising.
I remember reading Dennis William Hauck's workbook almost two years ago. That was before I created the video's on Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey. I didn't make the connection between the sacred marriage that both have until just now. Even more interesting is the references to the snake and eagle. I went through the various other sources that also talk about this transformation of the Snake. Whether it's the Hindu Kundalini or the Indigenous American Snake medicine...the snake symbol is prevalent throughout humanities spiritual practices. The Great Enemy Fear In the Christian religion they have transformed this concept into some outer force...that they call the Devil or Satan. That concept has no place in the Jewish tradition...which Yeshua taught. The connection with the snake representing Fear that I refer to is the Edgar Cacye Material.I highly recommend reading John Van Auken's Edgar Cacye on the Revelation. Revelation, in Jewish mysticism, is the same as a vision attained through meditation. Instead of being a prophecy of times to come Revelation was more then likely one of Yeshua's follower's personal allegorical symbolic description of the inward path of personal transformation. There is always a divide between those who have had these experiences and those who do not undertake the work of self-transformation trying to interpret it into PMR (physical material reality) terms. I don't think any symbol causes as much fear as the symbol of the snake. The Original Sin Of Fear The Church might say that it was disobedience that caused the Fall from Grace of Humanity. Yet, according to both the Kabbalah and Edgar Cacye material...it was actually Fear that was the cause. The Kabbalah never says that Adam Kadmon was punished for giving the light to Malkuth...the immediate affect without the One Creators intervention was for the breaking of the vessels. This just seems to be the result of what happened and not connected with any form of punishment. Think of a computer that has been given two conflicting instructions...that's more or less what caused the chaos within Adam Kadmon. With the physical incarnation of Adam in the Garden of Eden (which may have been located in Yesod and not on the PMR Earth) we never see the entity that walks through the Garden referred to as the Eloheim as being angry. Instead, it's Eve and Adam who are cowering and covering themselves in fear...their fearfulness was not the result of punishment but the result of the act which prompted them to be cast out of the Garden. That is the snake...Fear. In other parts of the Bible...such as Moses staff becoming a serpent (a possible symbolic description of Kundalini) or Yeshua instructing his disciples in Matthew 10:16: "I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." Yeshua obviously doesn't equate serpents with evil as his later fear filled followers would or condemn the serpent...he connected snakes with wisdom. For Milennia there has been a challenge for those who walked the Path of the Seeker to break down their experiences into the verbal language. Paul Foster Case and Marcus Katz both state that it's impossible to translate the experience of and process of becoming Fearless to those who don't walk the Path. The fact that it's as though these two groups are speaking at different levels that lead to a lot of distortions...and adding to that that for centuries the people who walked the Path in the West had to keep it secret speaking in symbolic language because the Catholic Church would kill them makes it even more difficult...I personally consider myself a translator and I attempt to break down these concepts to make them as easy to perceive as possible. Working With Fear Working to lessen our fear involves Shadow Work. Our waking conscious Ego still seeks to conceal us from the Divine...so that we don't have to feel that Fear. I've explained Shadow Work in this YouTube video so I will attach it here: https://youtu.be/F1cv5oyV_1c Note, at the end you will see my dog Angel Korns...not long after I lost her I had to face the Dragon of Fear because losing her really tested if I believed that we...and animals are eternal souls. The fact that she demanded attention at the end of this video is pure synchronicity. You can read this blog under the heading "Releasing Stubborn Attachments" that was published on November 12th and you can find under that name on the right side of this Website under Example: Letting Go of Attachments. Duality You will hear a lot of talk about duality when you encounter spiritual teachings through the internet or YouTube. A lot of people describe PMR as dualistic...this is because of our tendency to label things as 'good or bad' but it goes a little bit deeper as this stage of Alchemy, Conjunction, suggests. What are the 'two opposing forces' that we are joining in this process? The answer is the Subconscious and the Waking Conscious usually dominated by the Ego/Personality Construct that we starting making in childhood and perfect by the age of 8. How did this split happen? All the way back with the Logos...or Adam Kadmon and his two conflicting instructions...the part of him that desired to share the Light of the Creator with Malkuth and the part of him that wanted to wait for the appointed time of the Creator. This conflict is what caused a disturbance of chaos in our neighborhood of Creation. Laird Scranton, in his books, describes this as a sense of self-perception. Adam Kadmon perceived himself as separate from the Creator because he had a desire to receive the light of the Creator and do with it what he wanted and not what the Creator had directed...which may have been a first in a Creation that is dominated by more of a hive like mind and makes Malkuth such an accelerated school for Soul Growth. The result of that sense of 'me' or desire to do as we want without consideration for others is the source of our Ego/Personality construct in PMR that allows us to become an individualized soul....and in essence, a more developed soul in Spirit that has opinions based on a unique series of experiences created in PMR that we carry into NPMR (non-physical material reality) that differentiate our souls from others. The problem is that it also leads to a great deal of suffering because we hold the echo of that sense of belonging we had as a hive mind in Spirit leading to a sense of not being complete. The sense of completion doesn't occur until we realize that we have a Higher Self that is 'plugged in' to the rest of creation...and that we, as we know ourselves in this current life, are merely an extension of that Soul. However, the sense of 'me' as separate from the Creator is a false one...surely, the personality that I perceive as Bridget Korns on the level of PMR will cease to exist upon the moment of death and will be absorbed into the mass collection of experiences that include prior lives that belongs to my soul that operates with another designation/name...but then, in a way, because Bridget Korns will always be a part of the experiences of a eternal soul I will never cease to exist either. My soul will always be able to draw upon that persona...that maks or character they played...as a part of itself. Yet, many would find the idea of this personality construct being 'absorbed' into something bigger as disturbing and frightening...that's why the Ego works so hard to keep that secret in the depths of our consciousness. People might consider that as them 'ceasing to exist' but it's more like our experiences being uploaded into the permanent memory of a computer that's the real us. That is the battle we have occurring within ourselves...The soul vs. the Personality Construct. Our soul, ultimately, is made in the same manner as the Angels...the only difference is that we have a sense of individuality which will help us be more then just 'brick layers' (I explained this concept of the Eloheim in the YouTube video and blog on the video about the Sephiroth Hod). That's why you could say all of us that belong to or choose to incarnate in the neck of the neighborhood that belongs to Adam Kadmon are 'fallen angels'. We are doing far more then learning to be angels...we are learning to be something more than angels. Before we can ascend as those individualized bits of Creation capable of working with the One Creator to expand creation further by adding our unique ideas to the Creator...we first descend to this level where we perceive ourselves as cut off from Creation so we can develop our individuality...and once we are capable of ascending to that level (which, in our sense of Time on Earth has not occurred yet) it is because we have totally different perspectives capable of coming up with unique ideas...and we will contribute those ideas to help create that 8th dimension the Channel Bashar talks about. This is supported in Journey of Souls: "Dr.Newton: So where does a souls integrity fit into this? Subject: The extension of desire. Integrity is the desire to be honest about Self and motives to such an extent that full awareness of the path to the source is possible. Dr. Newton: If all basic intelligent energy is the same, why are souls different in their character and integrity? Subject: Because their experiences with physical life change them and this is intentional. By that change new ingredients are added to the collective intelligence of every soul. Dr. Newton: And this is what incarnation on Earth is all about? Subject: Incarnation is an important tool, yes. Some souls are driven more than other to expand and achieve their potential, but all of us will do so in the end. Being in many physical bodies and different settings expands the nature of our real self. Dr. Newton: And this sort of self-actualization of the soul identity is the purpose of life on our world? Subject: On any world." The Sacred Marriage When I first encountered this information in Joseph Campbell's work I didn't really understand what it meant or why it was such an important aspect of the Hero's Journey. As I have studied the Kabbalah, Alchemy, and the Tarot I've come to understand this process. Let me start off with a fascinating quote from a Book of Case Studies of Life Between Lives called Journey of Souls by Michael Netwon: "Dr. Newton: You said the ultimate objective of souls was to seek unification with the supreme source of creative energy- do you remember? Subject:...The act of conjunction, yes." pg 193 Now, Michael Newton started off as a skeptic and there is not even the slightest trace of Alchemy mentioned in his book so the odds of this very word being used is...extreme. That's why I say this universal language of symbolism is...universal. You might say that it's the angelic language and all spoken human language is inadequate in comparison. This might be why the Angels, The Eloheim, when they created mankind and saw the Tower of Babel, realized they had to confuse the language of mankind. We were able to continue to maintain a hive like mind because we could use that symbolic language preventing us from the intention of being Individualized Souls capable of reconciling the two aspects of Adam Kadmon that were in conflict. Humanity wasn't created to be like the Eloheim or Angels...we were their hope to reconcile the battle between the desire to receive for ourselves (individuality) and to serve creation (hive mind). The sacred marriage is combining our individuality and a desire to serve the will of the Creator (and all of Creation) by choice...instead of desiring to create only for our own selfish desires. When we do this we resolve that conflict of two instructions that Adam Kadmon first experienced leading to the Breaking of the Vessels. Conclusion Phew. Okay, I know that's deep and a lot of information all at once. Let's note, really quick something that dawned on me as I wrote this...Humanity's purpose is to correct this conflict within Adam Kadmon (a sense of self as separate that will's to receive to create on one's own and submission/oneness with the will of the Creator) and Bashar says that it creates an 8th dimension...which on the Kabbalah tree of life Francesca Simon has marked, "Correction." How beautiful is that? I may have to revisit this subject a few more times in other separate blogs but this meditative blog on Conjunction seemed appropriate. I hope this helps resolve a lot of distortions we have throughout human thought on this concept. I will leave you with one other idea. The entire reason that Israel was given that name was because Jacob 'wrestled with God' or 'an angel' depending on which English interpretation you read of the Torah Genesis 32:22-31 "That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok...So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. The man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak." But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." The man asked him, "What is your name?" "Jacob," he answered. Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome." Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" then he blessed him there. So, Jacob called the place Pineal saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared." First, notice how the Angel referred to itself as God? Second, the Angel was Jacob's own Higher Self, this story is allegorical not literal (as the Jewish people state openly referring to the literal translation as 'childish') and that is why there was no point in Jacob knowing the Angel's name. Third, that the place where Jacob 'saw God face to face' was the Pineal...or Pineal Gland...that represents the male principal or intellectual/waking consciousness. The waking consciousness is what struggles against our Higher Self because it perceives itself as separate from the Soul...and the Soul as an outside influence. This is the willful heart that must be tamed...the part of us that wishes to use Creation solely for creating to please ourselves...this part of us is what must submit to the will of the Higher Self and learn to work as a Co-Creator in PMR. Also note that it was the Jacob's Hip that the Angelic Representative of God touched? The left HIp, in the Kabbalah Tree of Life, is Yesod that represents the realm of the Angels, the Elohiem. Is there any reason to doubt that the Kabbalah predated even Moses or at the very least began at the time that the Torah that Hebrew tradition said was written by Joshua? Ponder on all of that and thank you, brave soul, for joining me on the Path of the Seeker.
As you listen to the sound meditation concentrate on the Alchemical Symbol.
When the sound meditation ends get out your journal and write down any thoughts, impressions or ideas that came into your mind no matter how odd. As you listen to the sound meditation concentrate on the Alchemical Symbol. When the sound meditation ends get out your journal and write down any thoughts, impressions or ideas that came into your mind no matter how odd. As you listen to the sound meditation concentrate on the Alchemical Symbol. When the sound meditation ends get out your journal and write down any thoughts, impressions or ideas that came into your mind no matter how odd. As you listen to the sound meditation concentrate on the Alchemical Symbol. When the sound meditation ends get out your journal and write down any thoughts, impressions or ideas that came into your mind no matter how odd. As you listen to the sound meditation concentrate on the Alchemical Symbol. When the sound meditation ends get out your journal and write down any thoughts, impressions or ideas that came into your mind no matter how odd. As you listen to the sound meditation concentrate on the Alchemical Symbol. When the sound meditation ends get out your journal and write down any thoughts, impressions or ideas that came into your mind no matter how odd. As you listen to the sound meditation concentrate on the Alchemical Symbol. When the sound meditation ends get out your journal and write down any thoughts, impressions or ideas that came into your mind no matter how odd.
First and foremost thank you Albertsons for being an amazer employer. I couldn't ask for a better experience with corporate and my leave of absence. I love my store in Rancho Cucamonga and I have no doubt I will visit often in six months when my daughter is more developed.
That said, on Tuesday September 18th, I officially took myself out of the workforce. For me that was a bold move and it is in alignment of the energy right now. Getting Out Of My Own Way I wrote a blog about this that will be posted in April of next year. I realized there was nothing stopping me from being a stay at home mom but myself. I had to let go of those blocks in order to conceive of how I could 'make it work' for me. Really, it was just me stepping out of the way and allowing it to happen...then the details just flowed so naturally I didn't have to do anything. The blocks I faced were entirely in my head and had to do with preconceivined notions I had: 1. Due to my experience in the service industry stay-at-home mom's are the most harsh, demanding, and judgemental customers. I assumed this was based on ignorance of being in the workforce leadinig them to have less compassion for people who do work. 2. That being a housewife would make me co-dependent. I cherish my independence. The Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit I realized I wanted to be a stay a thome mom when Michelle was in the neo-natal intenstive care unit. I realized I needed to breast feed her and I just couldn't see doing that and doing everything else I wanted to do... Something needed to go. Yes, I could have given up this blog and making my YouTube videos but this blog and the YouTube channel have helped me learn about these subjects on a deeper level...to the point where I understand them and can reconcile all of these different belief systems. I believe that my Highest Good is to continue to demonstrtate how all religions hae the same essence and how that essential teaching can lead us back to a state of Oneness and Peace. Universal Flow Things have unfolded in the last two months in such a dramatic way I cannot even keep track of everything. There has been a snowball effect to the point where I couldn't stop it even if I tried. I have really started to master letting things go. I just do not even try to hold onto those things that no longer serve me. If the desire to let go comes up...I just let go of whatever it is that I'm holding onto... From cleaning out my closet and getting rid of clothes I've had since I was in Middle School (yes, from the waste up I have been the same size since High School...all my extra weight goes to my hips!) to my best friend, my dog, my truck and now my job which I have already covered. Having A Job Defined My Worth I always felt that having a job in the workforce gave me value. Not having a job is absolutely terrifying to me. Work has always been my social network. Yeah, there is a lot of gossip but fo rme, and everywhere I've worked, I've always been able to create a sense of family. So letting go of that never occurred to me. I made a lot of sacrifices to my work places over the years...extra hours, extra work... Yet, in the last four years and as soon as I conceived that the accepted business custom of the United States is for large publicaly traded companies to behave in the same manner as a cancer cell (which is insane) my desire to make sacrifices for such an institution is gone. Synchronicity Strangely, by chance of when my appointment fell with my OBGYN...I turned in my resignation on Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is the day of At-One-Ment in the Jewish tradition. First there is Rosh Hashana which means 'Right Mind' where the right state of mind is cultivated for the New Year. Then Yom Kippur is the day of At-One-Ment where people realize where they have 'missed the mark' (sinned) and make corrections and dedication to be in alignment with the Creator. I know that staying home and being the best mom to Michelle is the Creator's wish...not to mention I know that it is the "Will of God" that I have a son. First, two random stangers told me that's the case. Second, I had a dream where there was this wall (symbolizing a psychological block) and a man was saying, "You are going to have the most beautiful son I have ever seen. I am getting him out," and he was literally using a pry bar to get this beautiful boy out of where he was strapped to the fram of a wall behind drywall. There was just enough drywall pulled off to where I could see my son's face...and just like Michelle he was absolutely GORGEOUS. Home is where I need to be and on this day I have submitted completely to Divine Will...I have been stripped of all of my attachments one by one. Also, strangely, the trailer for Captain Marvel who I already identify with way too much (first blond super hero charecter that's 100% her own charecter and not a side kick- hell yeah! I've been waiting for this since I was a little girl! She-Ra was ok but very short lived) came out the day I turned in my notice as well. Conclusion If you had asked me a month ago if I would leave the work force I would tell you there was no way. If you told me Angel Korns, my do would die I would be devastated. If you told me I'd sell my truck I'd be questioning your sanity. If you told me I would end the friendship I had with my best friend I'd fight you. If you told me that I would close my personal bank account I'd say no way! Yet here I am...all of that scary stuff has happened...and I'm better then ok...I'mf fantastic because much better things have come my way. My husband, Ross, was promoted to a much better job that offers insurance which allows me to be a stay at home mom. I am the mother to Michelle. I have a Chevy Cruze that is a much better ride then my truck. I have a remodeled kitchen! No more uneven white tile that I can't clean! I will have all of the time I need to do all of the house projects I want to do... Best yet, I don't have to give up this blog or my YouTube Channel. So I am grateful, so grateful that all of the things I defined as 'me' have fallen away. Now, to show that it's not just me...but a universal energy sweeping along the spiritually minded here are two very different videos that focus on this "Tower Exerpeince" part of the spiritual awakening that all of us are revisiting.... Things are manifesting in such a way I'm going to have to be careful what I wish for!
As I was listening to YouTube trying to find some more Tibetan Singing Bowl channels besides Temple Sounds (there is no comparison- Temple Sounds is the best channel for singing bowl meditations hands down) I came across this phenomenon.
Subsequently, I subscribed to two ASMR channels where the creators used Tibetan Singing bowls in some of their videos. I then began to check out the other videos and was surprised that crinkling and tapping sounds did have a tingly effect on me and, quite honest, causes me to fall asleep fast. Emma on WhispersRed: https://www.youtube.com/user/WhispersRedASMR Dimitri on MassageASMR: https://www.youtube.com/user/MassageASMR Of the ASMR channels I have come across they are the best and I probably listen to them most. Dimitri uses the Tibetan Singing bowls a lot more often the Emma. However, Emma has a really fascinating video called Tingle Instruments where I fell in love with an instrument she calls a Waterfall Nut Shaker. (Video above). Here is Dimitri using his Tibetan Singing Bowls
So, that's how I came across ASMR.
I was blown away by the amount of people who are subscribed to these channels. Emma just broke over 500,000 subscribers and Dimitri almost has 400,000. The people who subscribe to these channels are from all over the world. Here is this huge subculture that no one really talks about listening to what amounts to sound therapy white noise to treat their insomnia, depression and anxiety. What Does The Abbreviation Stand For? ASMR is an abbreviation for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. Most of the videos are designed to help people sleep. People who are affected by ASMR videos are looking for the sensation of Tingles that mostly occurs at the back of the head. This incredibly pleasant sensation helps calm a persons mind. To induce this feeling that can lull a person to sleep the people who practice ASMR employ a number of methods. One of the most distinguishing methods is whispering or moving the object they are working with from one microphone on one side of the room to another. That means that listening to an ASMR video requires the use of headphones. That way you get the ear to ear effect. This ear to ear effect, for some reason, stimulates that tingly response in the back of the head and induces sleep even if the creator of the video is only whispering. Some of the most effective for me are when Emma and Dimitri are just talking about themselves as they tap something. The creators of these videos use a variety of ordinary objects that they tap or crinkle going from one ear to another. Emma talks about how she'll go through an entire store, getting some odd looks, tapping on things that make stimulating sound. My particular favorite tapping videos with her is tea. The warmth in her voice as she talks about the tea is just really soothing. The majority of videos consist of these tapping and crinkling type videos. From Tea to flashlights to slime the creators use normal every day objects to create a variety of sounds that keep it interesting but have the power to put a person to sleep. There is even a certain type of microphone these creators utilize that seems to be made for this sort of thing called a 3Do. To me that's just amazing. Some videos have whispering and some videos don't. There are rare role play videos- the majority of which consist of meditations, healing session (invoking reiki), massage, make up counters, hair cuts and other types of relaxing activities. These, if you have an imagination, evoke the same sort of feelings you get when you visit these place. I know for me all of the above are extremely relaxing activities. Having my hair shampooed at a salon can put me to sleep. The History ASMR started off as a thread in a forum in 2007 and then graduated into a YouTube Channel in 2009. The name was coined by a woman named Jennifer Allen in 2010. You can find a full history with links to podcasts of the ASMR movement here: https://asmruniversity.com/history-of-asmr/ There are millions of people subscribed to ASMR YouTube channels. There are really professional channels with a lot of effects and there are some that are a bit more simple. Why Does It Work? Well, it doesn't seem to work for all people. There appears to be some sort of qualifying factor for people to benefit from ASMR. There is a hypnotic quality to the videos which may be why they lull people to sleep. There are scientists who are studying the phenomenon because it is so huge (especially in Europe). There is a possibility that it can be used to treat insomnia, depression and anxiety. In essence, it is a form of sound therapy. Although, it does seem that a higher percentage of people that experience the ASMR affect are Empaths. These people feel more deeply then others and can pick up on other people's emotions. In essence, they are sensitive to suggestion. My guess is highly intellectual people who spend way too much in their heads and have no connection with their emotions do not experience these effects. In a lot of ways, yes, it is psychosomatic and involves people allowing for the possibility that something outside of them can affect them. A lot of people in our modern world have built up layers of defense against being sensitive because we live in a overly stimulating environment that can be very hard on sensitive people. The same thing can be said about the effect of Tibetan singing bowls. I feel the energy move throughout my entire body when working with Tibetan singing bowls. That's why enjoy meditating with the Temple Sounds video's daily. My husband, who is a musician, finds the sound irritating instead of soothing. I am sensitive and work to keep myself 'open' where he is not. Conclusion There is a bit of the Path of the Seeker element to these videos. The more popular people seem to have a more spiritual inclination with healings. For years Edgar Cacye said it was through Sound that people were healed in Egypt during his incarnation as Ra Ta. Perhaps, we are moving back to this form of healing. Instead of being brought on by the Scientific Community that refuses to acknowledge that consciousness is the result of anything other then chemical interactions in the physical brain...average people with a gift had to make this happen as a movement that did not involve academia. In fact, if anything, academia is hurrying to catch up and comprehend why ASMR is so popular so that they can profit off of the knowledge. My hat is off to all of the brave souls who helped bring this wonderful bit of knowledge into the world. If you have anxiety, insomnia or depression I highly recommend that you check out some ASMR videos. There are a variety of creators are out there and I'm sure there will be someone who appeals to you. Sound therapy is far above a better way to deal with these issues then popping pills with unknown long term side effects on the human body.
Today I am a different person...transformed on a level I never knew existed.
I'm going into a very different and new phase of my life where all of my dreams have come true. All of them. Unequivocally. Yes, it was hard letting go of all the things I clung to that I thought defined me in some way. I felt like I was being stripped of the final bits of the persona that I had once constructed and worn...they were so engrained and so much a 'part of me' that I didn't even realize how they were out of alignment. Based on my favorite YouTubers- Victor Oddo, Colette Baron-Reid, Molly McCord and a few others I'm not the only one. Spiritual Maturity has also come up a lot...but I'll cover that in another blog. My daughter Michelle has entered the world...but it was far more bumpy then I could have imagined. Again, I found myself facing the same fears that I faced with Lilith-Ann...a profoundly terrifying but...in the end...inspiring experience. The Day She Was Born Everything went so well. When I told the nurses her name was Michelle Annmarie they were exicted. They had a Michelle Ann and an Annmarie on the staff. Michelle Ann came to see us before the surgery and wished us luck. Then Annmarie was in the operating room with another nurse named Georgia and helped to bathe and assit the peditrician in evaluating Michelle Annmarie. What Happened? I was left thinking this in dumb dismay after my empty hospital room. The first day was perfet. The c-section had gone smoothly. I didn't throw up from the anesthetic. I was on cloud nine with my little one in my arms. In the delivery room her peditrician gave me the thumbs up saying she was perfect. Dad got to hold her first as he took a super photogenic picture. I wanted to exclusively breast feed and that first day she latched on...which was amazing! Most babies don't do that on the first day. I was told she and I were doing a fantastic job. She was only happy being tucked into the bed next to me sitting up. Day Two Then the following day she went to the nursery to get a vaccination and a routine oxygen test done. Well, the routine blood oxygen test shocked the doctor. He tested her three times and her blood oxygen level awas at 80. That was way too far into the red zone. The next time I saw my gorgeous daughter she was in an incubator being transported by paramedics to a different hospital. She had all of the tubes connected to her that my daughter Lilith-Ann had when she was at the same Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Even the feeding tube. I was horrifed beyond comprhension thinking that my little girl might not make it...the entire experience was surreal. I cried as I said my goodbye but all I could tell her was, "I'm so sorry, so so sorry." I wondered if I had completely messed up by having her at the hospital that I did (because the doctor I wanted to perform the c-section only worked there). I wondered if because I was eager to have my c-section done to rule out the possibility of having to do an emergency c-section with a doctor I didn't know...that I had caused her to be born too soon (although, clearly the doctor had also wanted to do the operation when he did). In moments like those it's very hard not to question your decisions and blame yourself. I was in this foggy place...and old habits reared their head. I had my husband take the pink carnations my parents had brought the day she was born and the duffle bag with her homecoming outfit in it home. I thought about giving him everything and just shutting down...just as I did with Lilith-Ann. But then, I rallied myself, and I held onto her Baby Journal that I'm making with an entry every day to cover the journey of her first year. I needed to hold on and believe she would be coming home...I needed to write to her in the moment in the hopes my thoughts feelings and prayers would reach her. I went through so many feelings... pregnancy hormones amplifying them to a scale I hadn't experienced since Lilith-Ann. My husband had gone to make sure she was settled in...both of us were in shock. He was terrified for me, and how I was handling the situaiton, and for our daughter. No doubt, he again stood on the chasam of the abyss we had crossed together in 2014. I had started crying as soon as her peditrician said she was going to be moved to to the NICU at a different hospital because the one we were at was not prepared to handle the problem and were dragging their feet on doing tests...Michelle Annmarie was going to the same place where her older sister Lilith-Ann had died. The doctor who came from the other hospital to help transport her looked at me like I was bat-shit crazy when she saw my uncontrollable tears. After all, she assured Ross as she looked at me like I was a freak, it was a relatively minor problem. She kind of understood when I told her that my eldest daughter had died there in 2014. Ross was good at getting them to talk to him instead of me. The tears had subsided by the time my husband had left. That morning had started off so wrong. I'd had a night nurse that put a hospital gown on me filled with bleach that instantly turned my stomach into one big huge rash. Where the rash met the tape of the binding over the stitches of my c-section chemical burns formed. The rash and burns hurt more then the stitches. They told me the were trying to rule out a heart murmur and that there were a series of other tests they would perform. When my favorite nurse, Georgia, removed the binding it literally ripped open the blisters. The pain was agonizing as she removed the binding but I knew that it had to be done so I just grit my teeth (I had no idea I could ask for a opiod pain killer) as she removed the binding. I immediately went on Facebook and reached out to all of my prayer warriors. Hundreds of people (my friend Diana said thousands) started to pray for my baby girl. Being Discharged Luckily, I had a good nurse during the day. No one helped me to go to the restroom when I called at night. I had to force myself out of the bed. They didn't seem overly concerned. I was, one nurse told me, the most stable in the ward. They kept promising they'd help me take a shower but that never happened. Luckily, I had brought my own toothbrush and tooth paste. I forced myself to go about my normal routine. They were terrified of changing the bed sheets for fear that I would have an even more sever allergic reaction to new sheets. All the sheets were washed in bleach. Luckily I had brought a robe and so I mostly wore my pink robe along with my maternity bra keeping my tummy bear so that the rash could breath. Having it covered was incredibly hot, itchy, painful and when anything touched the skin it felt like a match was being held to my skin. I felt as though my tummy was on fire. Benadryl didn't work. So, they tried another allergy medicene and finally on the day I was discharged I was given a hydrocortizone cream that helped take the pain away. A few factors got me out of that hospital quickly. First, I didn't know I could ask for a stronger pain killer. If I had I probably would have been there longer because opiods make me throw up. I only asked for the opiod to sleep the night they took her and then one for the morning so I could endure the pain of walking and having layers of clothes over my rash including a pregnancy girdle. Second, I wanted to exclusively breast feed and when I asked the hospital staff to gather up the Colustrum (the first type of milk that comes in that's filled with antibodies which is exactly what she needed at that moment) the lactation consultant laughed at me. I continued to pump but the little tea spoons of colustrum, referred to as liquid gold, went ungathered. I even had to get up to rinse off the breast pump equipment myself because the nurses just wouldn't come when I called. Watching that valuable nutrition go down the drain was painful. I didn't have any pain from the c-section...just pain from the chemical burns and the rash. I give all the credit to my meditation exercises based on the Rosicrucian material Francesca Simon sent me. Doing those when in such severe pain and terrified for my daughter took a lot. I admit, it was really difficult to find my center. I only spent two days in the hospital instead of four. I needed to see my little girl at all costs. I left the hospital with the rash covered by the pregnancy girdle...which was hot and misreable but by finding my center...that sacred place within...I was able to detach from the pain and focused on what mattered most...my daughter Michelle. I was thankful for the milk band I purchased because I could keep track of the feedings and pumpings even when my mind was misty with pain and pain medication. The NICU I was so horrified seeing her in an incubator. She had bili lights over her because they said she had slight jaundice according to blood tests. I stared at her forlornly in the incubator. We were subjected to a questionaire that the nurse filled out asking our education level and a bunch of other probing quesitons. I didn't think anything of it. I had a great conversation with the nurses. One of them told me I needed to run my own business but I told her that Michelle was my dream and my focus. Then they said I could take her out of the incubator. I looked to my husband in shock. When Lilith-Ann was there I couldn't even touch her without her blood oxygen level and heart rate dropping dangerously. I was lucky just to hold her hand a couple of times. I had no idea that they would let me take Michelle out. The moment I held her all I could say as I cried was, "Mommy missed you so so much!" Ross captured the moment and I have this dazzling smile on my face. I realized she was going to be alright. I didn't care what anyone said. I sang to her a little song as I rocked her. I knew that touch and loving sound was important. My heart expanded and I imagined radiant golden light going to all of those babies in those incubators in that ward. I knew just by being present and centered I could help them. I made the commitment to only think positively. I now how powerful the written/verbal words can be and how powerful our thoughts. I didn't care if people were saying that she had a heart murmur or that her white blood cell count was just slightly abnormal...just like the jaundice was slight (as soon as the doctor saw my skin color the next day he had them turned off...mommy has a yellowish hue to her skin becuase I have a blue tint...and Michelle is fair skinned just like me). I would do everything in my power to create the reality I wanted... The Peditrician told me when she had failed the test said he believed it was a complication of the c-section. Normally, in vaginal birth the baby has the liquid in their lungs squeezed out by the pressure of going out throgh such a tiny hole. There was a murky area on her lung x-ray. I was told by one person it was the bottom of her left lung and another that it was the bottom of her right lung. I focused on the explaination that this was a minor complication due to the c-section and nothing more. I didn't tell anyone about the other two issues because I didn't want to allow for those possibilities. That first day...the one where I was discharged I only stayed a few hours. Ross hadn't slept at all the night before and we needed to get home. Ross helped me take a shower and he treated the blisters with an antibiotic which hurt so much...beacuse they were infected. He did a better job of treating the rash then anyone at the hospital. When I fell asleep that night it was deep and dreamless. Permitting Formula The next day right off the bat when we arrived at the NICU we were attacked. The woman covering for the nurse who was getting breakfast told us that Michelle had lost two ounces. All babies lose some weight when they were born. I stated that it was normal for the babies to lose some weight...2 oz's was nothing. My friend Diana told me her daughter had lost an entire pound while they were still at the hospital and no one there was worried! Then the nurse on duty, who's name I don't remember, told us with disgust that the breast milk that we gave her was only enough for one feeding. That's not what our resources online said or my books What To Expect When Expecting and What To Expect The First Year. There was about fifteen militers there and each feeding was to be two tablespoons. I tried to stick to my guns but I was in pain, scared and triggered beyond belief! The nurse started off by saying with a very big smile, "I heard you had other premies?" I wish I hadn't been in so much pain, so much emotional distress or stuck in a wheel chair. I felt so powerless and helpless in that moment. I told her about Lilith-Ann dying in the same NICU and she shrugged. No apology for asking a painful question when I was clearly already upset. No apology for the loss of my daughter. She had no empathy. She also asked us the same questions as the nurse the prevous night. When I said I had a Masters degree she asked in what, then she asked what school....as though I was lying. She bit off each word like it was a condemnation making me feel as though she blamed me for what was happening with Michelle when I had done everything in my power to make sure my little one was healthy since April. Long story short, the nurse informed us that until the doctor came by she couldn't feed my daugther...even the breast milk I had just pumped in the NICU. They were starving my daughter! Further she told me that Michelle was too active. She was fussing because she was starving! She had pulled out her IV more then once, pulled off her little eye mask and was scratching her face. I had brought socks to put on her hands, as the nurses the day before had suggested, but the nurse gave me this sour look and stuck up her nose as she tucked the socks into the drawer under the incubator. I said very loudly that the nurse must be lazy when she was on the other side of a partition as I was pumping for the second time (they are...and probably wanting the instant gratification of giving formula. I would say she wanted Michelle to go home so she was going for our daughter gaining as much weight as possible while in the NICU...but she sure didn't come off that way. Who attackes a mother who is in crisis?) The nurse kept insisting that formula was better for their digestive track. My research indicated the opposite. I was beyond upset at lunch. Everyone at the other hospital and my research said that my breast milk was adequate. Although, because no one collected colustrum the day before at the hospital she had missed out on half a days worth of colustrum. In fact, my breast milk had come in early! I was extremely upset that they wouldn't feed her my breast milk. I made the mistake of calling my mom who started yelling at me that Michelle was sick and that all three of her kids (including me) were exclusively formula. Already being in an emotinal state and feeling attacked. The last thing I had needed was my mom to attack me as well. So, I made the emotional decision of allowing them to give her formula. I needed to do what was best for my daughter and get her the hell out of there. The next few days I would be judged for every task. I changed her diaper, fed her and held her for 8 hours. I cried and stated very loudly that I must not be good enough even though the other hospital told me that my breast milk had come in early after telling them that they could give her formula. I knew she would have nipple confusion and it would make breast feeding nearly impossible. I can see why so many mothers throw in the towel and end up formula feeding. Breast feeding is a huge sacrfice of time, paitience and effort. I agreed to giving her formula beause I needed to do what was the best for her when I talked to the doctor...who at first attacked me as well (probably because the nurse had told him some nonsense) but the doctor allowed me to breast feed straight to Michelle. This scandalized the nurse who thought it was wrong but she said, "The doctor ordered it so I have to do it!" Michelle latched on and went to town...that would be the last time. We also got the wonderful news that she didn't have a heart murmur! The nurse was beyond happy that I had agreed to letting her give her formual. She gave Ross the formula to feed to Michelle first which really pissed me off because, at the very least, if she was worried my breast milk was not transported correctly...I had pumped right there in the NICU with their breast pump and she had been the one to put it in the fridge. The great thing was that Ross was the first one allowed to feed her and Michelle gave him the biggest smile! That was her first smile! I was a little jealous but it was a fantastic way for Dauhter and Daddy to bond. He has loved feeding her since then, which would have been impossible without the bottle, which is a blessing in many ways. So, there was a bright side to it. As we were leaving the nurse said loud enough to hear, "Breast feeding in the NICU is just not realistic." She also tried to force Michelle to eat a high volume of food...after being starved for nearly twelve hours!...In a very short period of time. As she said, "We have work to do her you can't just let her slouch and take as long as she wants." My daugther was only a couple days old...work is not something that should be on her mind at that age. Also, she stated that Michelle was going to have an aggressive barricuda style feeding. When I already knew that Michelle is a nip and napper. She drinks a little, sleeps a little, drinks a little and sleeps a little. That's easier on her tummy. She also stated something like, "One of my kids stayed in the NICU for a few days." I had no idea how to respond to that...I really couldn't find compassion in my heart at that moment. Even now the whole exchange makes me sick to my stomach. I can only pray she wakes up and learns how to be compassionate. I understand she thinks she's helping the babies and she was defending Michelle from bad parents or something...but she really needs a wake up call because she is so far from correct that it's horrifying. She's doing more harm then good. Kae Luckily, the third day were much better. I went in feeling defeated and didn't even feel like telling anyone Michelle's story...about how she's my little miracle baby. Yet, there was a volunteer that that drew it out of me. The nurse, Kae, told me, "God brought you here so you could have a good experience at the NICU." As I suspected, the nurse the night before had tried to feed Michelle too much too fast. My poor baby had thrown up a few times. I kept breast pumping, I had a ton of milk that we brought, and I pumped more while. The third day we were still waiting for the results of a a test tracking a high white blood cell count. However, I discoved that they had no idea that she had been vaccinated for Hepatitis B. Of course she had a 'slightly elevated' white blood cell count! Her nurse was very nice. Her name was Kae and she was from Thailand. We had a wonderful conversation about Thai food and Thailand (a friend of mine traveled there and Ross' Dad served in the army there). We received the wonderful news that moring. Michelle was completley off of the C-Pap because her blood oxygen had gone up and that they were just waiting to see how the blood culture to come back! They were still worried her breathing problem had been triggered by an infection. That afternoon we saw her doctor and learned also that the blood culture was negative! I figure they didn't know that she had her TB shot at the other hospital and the elevated white blood cell count was simply her body reacting to the vaccination...a normal and neccesary reaction which is the entire point of a vaccination! (sigh). The left hand wasn't talking to the right! I took it with a grain of salt. As my Dad had assured me (which were the very words I told him when Mom was in the hospital) to these people this was just a job. They did this every day and the rules are always being updated. You can't expect any of the nurses, who just have associates, to be good at their job or even to care. There are always bad employees at every company. However, the doctor wouldn't release her that day because they wanted a day of observation to make sure she was eating properly and gaining weight. We stayed at the hospital with her for hours. I breast pumped while there so that they would have an ample supply. She only seemed to throw up when she was given the formula so, this nurse who was compassionate and loving, stuck to the breast milk. Kam The next day when we arrived we found out that she had been moved to the 'toy box'. This was an area of the NICU that was not so serious. These babies were going to make it. Our nurse was Kam. She told us she loved Michelle because she smiled at her whenever she was fed. She also siad that Michelle was a beautiful baby because other people had to pay to look like her (there is this horrible fad in the asian community in Pasadena, for example, where they 'skin whiten' or wear blue eye contacts to look more caucasian...the billboards are up everywhere). Kam came over to give me a hug and congratulate me that Michelle had been moved to the toy box and told me if anyone complained that she was throwing up it was because they were feeding her and then immediately laying her back down. I continued to pump, paitiently feed her and held her for another eight hours. Kam referred to me as 'Super Mom.' The doctor came by and said she would be released first thing in the morning. I was over the moon happy. I asked if I could come in at 4:30 am and he laughed saying he didn't even get out of bed that early. Kam pushed through a second heraring test (Michelle had one performed at the previous hopsital but because she was on antibiotics at the new one they said she needed another one) so that Michelle could come home straight away. Kam was really sad to see her go and told me, "I expect you to bring me a boy in one year. It's God's will." Given that my husband and I plan on trying again in another year...putting the next baby being born in 2020 it was music to my ears to hear someone confirm that's the path I'm meant to take. The One Creator speaks to us in mysterious ways. I called the night nurse to see how she was doing. Of course the nurse said she had puked again. They probably hurried her through the feeding and gave her formula. They tried to tell me she wouldn't be allowed to go home the next day. Aside from confirmation that she passed her hearing test I ignored everything else the nurse had to say. I knew she would be coming home in the morning. The Day She Came Home We got there at the time they opened...7:30am. Sue, her nurse on the final day, of course, told me she didn't want to get my hopes up. She wouldn't agree that Michelle was coming home. She told him she had seen Dr. Goldstein change his mind. I ignored her negativity. No doubt she had seen parents be absolutely crushed when they thought the baby was going to be taken home and something happened. Pragmatisim, I suppose, based on experience. We had all of Baby Michelle's things ready to go. I refused to give up. I sang to her as we waited acutely aware that the baby behind me was ignored for at least fifteen minutes as he wailed at the top of his lungs and the nurses gossiped. I hoped that my voice would sooth him and eventually he did quiet. True to his word around 8:30am Dr. Goldstein arrived. He took a look at everything. I updated him about the hearing test and slight spit up the night before. He smiled, told me he just had to fill out the green sheet and we would be on our way. Of cousre, the nurse took the longest but she made sure we got a ton of supplies. She also gave me two little brochures for me to fill out for Kae and Kam nominating them for a 'Daisy Award' for outstanding service. Then they couldn't find anyone to take us down, I was required to be in a wheelchair (I offered the task to Ross but he said no...after all I was the one who needed the wheel chair after the c-section and he didn't want to see me over extend myself because I'm excited she's home) so Sue took us down. I told her I'd see her in 2020 and she said, "I hope your next baby doesn't come to us." I shrugged, "You never know." "Yeah, you never know," she agreed as I got into the car. I had come to terms with the NICU experience. Conclusion The last two months have been rough. I have given up all of the old baggage that didn't serve me. I realize now when I dreamt of Yeshua why there was a car trailer that was pulled out of my garage to make more room. In my garage they looked like party goers along with everyone else. When that trailer was pulled out, however, they looked like over decorated soldiers. I didn't get it then...but this was a sign I would let go of things to allow room for something new...at the dawn of a New Age. Yes, it was hard to let go of the outworn aspects from my previous cycles in this life (they might as well be entirely different lives) and entirely worth every moment. First, I faced my fears of her coming early like Lilith-Ann (I did far better with that first experience on June 29th). Second, I faced my fears of losing Michelle in the same way I lost Lilith-Ann. Seeing her hooked up to everything in that incubator was my worst nightmare. I didn't do as good as I would have liked for the second part. I fought a little with my husband and I could have more compassion for both of the nurses that I encountered that were terrible. Surely, they are in their career because they are passionate about it and I forgive them for being terrible at compassion and communication. I forgive the first hospital for the negative experience...it taught me I'm tougher then I know. My husband has been the best daddy ever. He's given me all of my hopes and dreams on a silver platter. How can I even slightly hold anything against him? The entire experience was a lesson in compassion and a learning experience for Michelle, Ross and I. The journey has already begun and it's been absolutely magical. Most of the nurses commented on the fact that Michelle Annmarie is going to be so loved. All that matters is that my little one is home...and as I said...I'm transformed by her presence. She's a little empath and mommy needs to be careful where she is mentally so Michelle doesn't pick it up. I'm going to be kept on my toes with this one! Like a snake shedding it's skin, the dung beetle that leaves it's dung ball in the sun to bring forth new life...I am reborn. Michelle and I have risen up like a phoneix from the flames and ashes that flared up around us. My life revolves around serving her and my husband now...and serving by writing this blog and doing my YouTube videos. After all, Michelle Annmarie was born during all of these fires where ashes from fires far away coated our car when we went to visit her. She literally rose up from the ashes stronger, happier and smarter then any baby I have ever encountered. I am exceedingly blessed to have this little miracle in my arms!
This Sephiroth is fascinating.
Here we find that Intellectual Tower that we have built that we call our personality. I have talked about this many times. We have to take apart our personality construct...but this is the level where these constructs were first formed. These Forms Exist In Spirit This level ties in with the concept of Karma. These personality constructs are not just ones that we constructed in this life. Instead, we have brought some of these constructs into this life with us. That's one of the reasons that Earth is considered as a difficult school...there is a tremendous ability to let go of the intellectual constructs that we have developed over the course of our souls experience very quickly. One of the reasons that we choose the parents that we have is because they can help illuminate these negative personality constructs that we carry as souls. Sometimes this happens by having a parent that has those same negative personality constructs so that we can see ourselves within them and be given a choice not to be like them. While a child will declare, "I'm nothing like my parent!" There is an inevitable pattern that parents teach their kids. A child has no other pattern on which to base themselves. A daughter is most likely going to be just like her mother. A son is most likely going to be just like his father. This is even indicated in the bible that says, "The Sins of the fathers shall be visited upon the Sons." Remember, sin means 'missing the mark'...it's an archery term. Knowing that most children become just like the parent of the same sex...this is very true because we are likely to repeat the same mistakes when aiming for the bullseye...because there is often nothing else to base our own behavior patterns and way of interpreting the world. There is no blame, because we know, that people choose their own parents and on our own Path we have the choice to look at the behavior patterns...and choose to transcend them. We can see that one of our Personal Purposes was to come in and transcend those patterns that are often subconsciously programmed and unacknowledged. The Left Hip Yesod has a close connection to the Sephiroth of Netzach. Yesod is called the Left Hip. Netzach is called the Right Hip. Dion Fortune makes it clear that there is no coincidence of where these Sephiroth are associated with the body. In order to walk our Left Hip and Right Hip...or legs if you prefer...must work together. There has to be a close partnership between these two Sephiroth. This is because in Yesod are the Eloheim...they are the "brick layers" of our neighborhood of the Creation. Management exists within Netzach. They are still not the Creator but they are the ones who understand the plan and help to organize the forces of Creation to accomplish that plan. The Eloheim First, it's important to know that in the book of Genesis the name Eloheim as the name of God is used in the first verse where humanity is created on the Spiritual level. People are often surprised that there are two sections where humanity was created in the Bible (the Torah) but humanity was created with male and female equal in Chapter One...and there the name of the Creator is Eloheim. How interesting is it that the Hebrew Kabbalah system consider the Eloheim as a set of Angel assigned to the Sephiroth of Yesod? There has been a fascinating fear based idea ideology developed within the alternative spiritual community. The Eloheim, assigned to the level of Hod on the Kabbalah Tree of Life. The Eloheim have been interpreted as the Sumerian Annunaki. This is because of people like David Icke. I don't hate David Icke and some of what he teaches is brilliant but he's stuck in that prevalent Spiritual Mind Trap of blaming outer forces for the trouble int he world instead of traveling the Inner Path. This is because of the popular interpretation of the bible that God and the Devil are outer forces fighting over a person's soul. Transferring the same fear from the Devil to the Eloheim is not a form of an evolution...it's just creating the same pattern in a new way that seems more accessible. Yet, the Eloheim are a fascinating subject. When we take a look at the 7 Rays we will see that those 'forces' became the Multiplicity...and the Eloheim were the multiplicity that were the result. They are not those organizing forces that we will come to in Netzach...they are the beings who actively Create the cosmos as we know it. While they are called Angels there is nothing that states that they are all knowing or perfect In fact, if we look at the book of Genesis...the Eloheim are the These beings, in fact, seem to have descended (lead by the Soul of Yeshua) to Earth to help with physical mankind...they are referred to as the Sons of God. Yet, these souls were no match for physical desire and became as attached to PMR (Physical Material Reality) as the souls that had become entrapped in flesh. (By the way this is interpretation of Genesis comes from the Edgar Cacye readings). There failure to rescue the souls that had become infatuated with PMR and the chaos they caused on Earth lead to the Flood (which many connect to the antics of Atlantis). Those souls remained trapped but they were less powerful because they came back with the Veil of Forgetfulness like the Sons of Man. That is the main reason that Malkuth was 'cut off' from the Tree of Life...it was too dangerous for direct contact because of the chaotic power held Collective on this level of Creation. Remember how Yeshua claimed the title of being a Son of God? He was identifying himself with the Eloheim...not Yahweh or the One Creator and not as someone special because there was a whole group that were 'corrupted.' He was just one of those who successfully demonstrated how to become enlightened and no longer be trapped in Samsara. When we speak and when we study we really have to be aware of the terms and their definitions. The knowledge of what these beings are, the Elohiem, have been known by the Jewish Kabbalists for centuries. Why even bother trying to create new definitions on ancient concepts then going to the source? That is my main reason for including this little diversion...to dismiss both of these fear based and spiritually immature Distortions with the book of Genesis and the idea of the Creator. Conclusion This weeks spiritual lesson for me has to do with Spiritual Maturity. There will be a blog on November 21st on this subject. A good deal of that subject has to do with the relationship we form with the concept of the Creator and other aspects of Creation. This Sephiroth deals with really deep emotional attachments...our parents and our concept of the Creator. These belief and behavior structures are usually really hard to work with because we are so unaware of them. As you can see, all of this, on the personal level, exists on the Subconscious level. As we Ascend the Tree of Life in our personal life we are exploring the very Pattern of ourselves. The Sephiroth of Yesod holds much of the information that the Ego tries to deny and repress. This the information that lies deep in the Shadow. When we are in Spirit we are very much aware of these complexes and behavior patterns...however, on Earth because of the Veil of Yesod we are not aware of them, although we are given amazing opportunities to become aware of them, the Ego thinks that we need to be protected from recognizing them. Just working with this information- identifying and transforming these patterns in a waking conscious level on the Earth Plane and these behavior patterns can take a life time...and it is extremely admirable. Yet, a human lifetime to work through these issues is lightning fast on the Spiritual level where time is much slower. So, you can see where thought this is a challenging school you are absolutely BRAVE for being here! Thank you Brave soul for joining me on this avenue of the Path of the Seeker. The Sephiroth of Hod consists of three Hebrew Letters. Hei, Dalet and Vav.
We covered Vav in our exploration of the Hebrew letters that make up the Hebrew word Malkuth. We explored Dalet when examining the Second Sephiroth on the Kabbalah Tree of Life- Yesod. Further, Hod shares both Dalet and Vav in common with Yesod indicating that these two particular Sephiroth are connected. In our examination of Yesod I summed up the letters of that Sephiroth this way- "Divine messenger (Yod) sent into the dream (Samech) to connect (Vav) with the sleeping soul (Dalet)." So, let's see what the next Sephiroth on our ascent up the Tree of Kabbalah has to tell us about this step. Hei Hei is found twice in the Tetragrammaton name for god- Yod, Hei, Vav, Hei. Edward Hoffman says that the sound of the tetragrammaton teaches to be attentive to our use of breath. This letter is connected with divine revelation and speech. Hei also starts the word Heenayni, the word Moses replied to God meaning, "Here I am," or, "I am present." Hoffman says that this indicate we must fully be present to experience the divine. Rabbi Nachman said, "Our world consists of nothing except the day and hour that we stand in now. Tomorrow is a completely different world. Also, the word for intense soul bearing prayer, hitbodedut starts with Hei. Daniela Abravanel points out that the Sefer Yetzirah associates Hei with the month of Nisan (associated with redemption), the tribe of Judah and the 'sense of speech.' Judah exemplifies how speech can be used properly because, even though it would sully his name, Judah admitted his involvement in what happen with his daughter-in-laws behavior saying she had been more righteous then him. The Messiah, Abravanel points out, is supposed to come from the tribe of Judah and instead of being a Divine being is supposed to be a flesh blood man that has a, "gift of words." The Hebrew word Hei suggests that we can be redeemed by Right Speech. Dalet We covered this letter when examining the word Yesod. Dalet begins the word for poor, door and for pulse which the Kabbalah masters can use to diagnose diseases. Vav Is the perception of the Divine in the natural world. Vav is referred to the Hook representing Spiritual Connection to the Divine. This letter connects heaven and Earth...and by it's very shape suggests that this union can be achieved by expressing one's individuality. Further, this letter is connected to both rest, confession and the Sabbath. Summary If I were to sum up the three Hebrew Letters of the word Hod into one sentence it would be: Redemptive speech (Hei) is a doorway (Dalet) to divine connection (Vav). Image Interpertation Since the Hebrew letters are glyphs. When they are visually strung together they have meaning. This set is extremely fascinating...the Hebrew letters go from being what looks like a closed door, to a partially opened door...to a fully open door. This ties in with the summary of these three letters perfectly. I am always amazed by these connections. The Hebrew letters are amazing. Conclusion Here again we continue the trend we started with our examination of the Tower Tarot Card key and the Hebrew letter Pei. I suspected there might be a connection between the three systems but I didn't expect it to be this dramatic! On Saturday, when I share the YouTube video on the Yesod we'll go a little bit deeper. I cannot wait to share with you my perspective of Yesod after taking into consideration the very meanings involved in the letters behind that Sephiroth's name. I won't go into that here because I don't want to ruin the discoveries in that video for you. Our speech, inner and outer, as I explained on the Blog on the Hebrew Letter Pei...has a direct effect on our reality...and our relationship with the divine. Here, as you can see, it is our speech that creates the open door to allow the Divine back into our lives. With the Fall in Eden, which was more of a reactive choice made by Adam and Eve, we chose to hide ourselves from the Creator because we felt exposed. The process of the Ascension is to learning to open ourselves back up. In the section on Toxic people that I shared in the blog on Pei I explained how they repel people from this...it is as choice they often make on the subconscious level because they have a trouble with intimacy. All of us have a kind of toxic relationship with the Creator...we do not let him in but remain defensive...even more so if we believe the Christian idea that we are unworthy of him....to think that we are not worthy keeps the light of the Creator at bay because our shame builds a wall around us...and that wall is usually made up of Words...whether they are spoken or aloud or just in our mind....just as the Tower Tarot Card Key represents. That's why when the Creator calls us to him the first thing that has to fall is that Tower of self-perception that keeps and separates us from others. In a way, these examinations of the letters that make up the names of the Sephiroth there is a story being told. In Yesod a divine messenger was sent to wake up the Soul.Here, in Hod we have the doors reaction...which is hopefully opening the door to the Divine. Yes, that means our perception of 'the dream' of life (Maya according to the Hindu) falls apart completely because it's built on false ideas just as the Tower Tarot Card Key represents...but once we can get over this perceived loss we become that aware that there is something much more wonderful dawning on the Horizon. After all, this step in our Ascension is where we actually start our Awakening. This might shock you because we've reached the third Sephiroth on the Tree of Life...but our Awakening is our soul responding to that messenger of the Divine whispering for us to wake up. In our next blog we are going to examine that archaic phrase, "The Dweller At The Threshold." This is an enigmatic phrase that I have heard many times and had suspicions about but ties in perfectly with this stage in our Ascension. Well friends, this was another fascinating and fun Journey on the Path of the Seeker and I can't wait to share with you the next curves in the road on Wednesday and Saturday! |
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Brave Soul! May Your Journey On The Path Of The Seeker Bring You Joy and Peace! I'm currently posting every Saturday. With a new addition the family I have pre-scheduled most posts through December 2022. Full Moon Posts will contain up-to-date content when I can get to them. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! This is a place where you can encounter new spiritual ideas that have helped me develop as an Individual On The Path of the Seeker. Take or Leave this information as you see fit. Archives
April 2024
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