I'm relying on an older blog that I wrote today because life has been very busy for me the last two week since I returned to work. This is the final of the series of blogs I wrote about "Toxic Beliefs." These are beliefs that cause people to make poor choices in their lives. Toxic Belief's can literally control and influence a person. Often times these beliefs are inherited or conditioned into a child by his parents or society.
When we are in school we learn really fast that unless you're absolutely sure you know the answer don't raise your hand to answer a question. This is why so may teachers resort to asking specific students and embarrassing them horribly when they get it wrong, questions. Most people are taught to be afraid of failure by their teachers who do not teach to inspire creativity but with the intention that everything in life has a clear answer. This doesn't teach anyone the proper coping skills for life. Most of the questions we ask as an adult don't have a clear or concise answer. Just put a Pro-Lifer and a Pro-Choicer in a room together. Soon there will be tufts of hair and claw marks on the walls but for all the efforts there is a very concise proper answer that anyone can agree upon. In a subjective world right and wrong/ good versus evil is often in the eyes of the beholder. The few things that are obviously wrong or evil are in our laws. This is why trial by public opinion is so fallible. Expecting there to be a "correct" answer to every question you might have in life...is a horrible flaw in our school system. Often times, kids won't even try some new intellectual exercise or share their opinion for fear that it will be "wrong." That is part of the reason, that Chip Foose from Overhaulin' is credited to saying that kids don't create any more. They're not taught to create, they are only taught to consume and to accept what people give them. Only proven experts in their fields are allowed to create. Sadly, if we had always had this idea we wouldn't have the marvels that Alexander Graham Bell created, or the tale of Benjamin Franklin's kite experiment or Nikola Tesla's crazy antics. We wouldn't half the things in this world if some 'academic expert' went back in time to tell the people who experimented that they didn't have enough education in a certain field to make something. Part of this is because hands on class room activities have been removed because of budget constraints. Another part has to do with the fact that Academic Schools are so stuck in their little bubbles they don't look outside of it. In Psychology we were required to learn even the failed theories and explanations for behavior. Fraud's theories were hopelessly flawed because they were so biased from his era (you would think we would learn from that!). Freud also believed that cocaine was a cure-all but you don't hear about that in any of the psychology classes where they seriously study his flawed theories (http://www.openculture.com/2014/04/igmund-freud-researched-got-addicted-to-cocaine.html). Since Academia requires everyone to think in the lines of the predecessors any radical new idea is completely and utterly dismissed. To think outside of the box and act like one of the people who pioneered (indeed in many ways created) the field of study is considered to be an insult to the Academic Institution. Thus, unless you are tucked away in some College or University somewhere studying a specific field be it Philosophy, Economics, Psychology, Physics, etc....you are not allowed to have an opinion. You're a hack. You are not credible. Creativity is shut down when it is suggested there is only one way to do things. Becoming bogged down in theory can really cause creativity to stagnant. We have reached the point where we know so much, or at least theoretically we think we have it worked out to the point of a general consensus, that we refuse to allow for a margin of error. Trial and Error All of us learn by measuring ourselves against whatever objective we have. When you're an adult you learn to cook by burning some bread. There are inevitable bad meals...either it didn't cook right or you don't follow the directions. In adult life failing is a common every day battle...unlike in school where you could sit in the back of the classroom, hand in all of your homework and hopefully never draw the attention of your teacher. Teaching should focus on having people try...and not punishing people for having the 'correct' answer. Most of the teachers I knew taught from the book and if you didn't answer exactly as the book stated...it was considered wrong. The teachers often were not capable of critical thinking skills. However, we don't come out of the womb with a textbook in which every exact detail about how we will navigate our life is written. I have trained a lot of people over the years. Often hands on experience is totally different from learning the idea of something in a classroom. I don't expect someone to know automatically how to make a latte. Even if they read a detailed book on the art of making lattes I would not expect them to make a perfect latte on their very first try. Now, they may be informed more than the next person but I don't assume they even know what a latte is (espresso and milk, sometimes served with a syrup or sauce for flavor). To assume someone will get it right off the bat is just wrong...and even with extreme theoretical knowledge I guarantee they will be uncertain that first time. Talking about doing something in theory is very different from doing. Sadly, in most classrooms there is not much doing...but a lot of talking. Doing is messy. When doing things you can be more creative. When doing things you can sometimes stumble over something brilliant that everyone else missed or didn't appreciate. Do you think that the custom car shops became popular because everyone wants to drive a custom car? No, such shops operate in a niche that no one could have predicted would exist twenty years ago. Creative people are what drive innovation and it's a group that is dying in the United States because of the prevalent Group Think foisted upon a Media and Academia that insist only theoretical experts can have a valid idea. Your Education and Job Don't Define You We've all seen it when you watch the news. The man person they are telling about whether they were murdered or they won the latest marathon...they inevitably tell you the person name and their job title. Doesn't matter if the job title is Stay At Home Mom...according to the news or about anyone else what 'you do' defines you. They never say, "Tom the laziest accountant in Moth Industries..." No, they simply say accountant and leave the rest to your imagination. By the end of the segment you have this idea that the's the most knowledgeable accountant that has ever lived and you wished you had such a firm calling. Most often then not people bumble into a career. To me, too many people expect their kids to come out of their womb and know exactly what they want to be when they grow up and how to get there. That's just an unrealistic expectation. Teachers seem to hold this same expectation. They don't allow for kids to have the room to grow and give them the opportunities for a multitude of experiences so they can choose what they like. This is why a kid can go to college with a Nursing degree...go to intern and discover they can't stand the sight of blood. Still others end up career students who bumble towards one degree to another until they've spent ten years in college and thousands of dollars in student loans...because in truth they are happy with their minimum wage waitress job and are too embarrassed to admit it. So they work towards becoming 'something better' but they never go anywhere because their calling was to be a waitress. Parents would be serve better to give their children ample opportunity for trial and error. Then when a child gets upset becomes something fails they can be coached on how to deal with failure. They should be encouraged to try multiple jobs. Unless a kid has a very specific career goal in mind...a parent should teach them it's okay to be happy with a union job stocking shelves or delivering packages. Not everyone needs to go to college. Not everyone is meant to be a doctor and most jobs don't really require degrees...or you end up working in a field totally unrelated to your degree (http://www.forbes.com/sites/johntamny/2013/02/10/sorry-left-and-right-no-job-requires-a-college-degree/#530266eb76af). Perhaps, in the 1920's-1980's when degrees were less prevalent they had some value. Now, they make a good paper weight. We all make mistakes and we are all going to make a mess when we do something wrong. We're not little robots where we get fed data for 15 years and come out perfect for one specific job and that alone. In fact, most people just find a niche, a specific thing that they do well, and by doing it well they become successful. Sometimes, that's role is something the company didn't even know they needed or the person creates an industry know one else perceived had a market. We all are going to try things that don't work out, but the art is in the attempt of trying new things. At the end of the day there is no one sitting around keeping a score card of every failure and success that you have in your life....except yourself. In fact, most people don't even need to know when and how much you failed. They judge you by the person you present to them in the moment you meet. Sometimes, as in my case, even when you technically screw up a first date mistakes can lead to the best things in your life. Trying, failing...and then getting up is what really makes life worth living. No one who is successful ever became successful by never taking a risk. That fear is how people lose everything. Not Trying Sometimes the biggest risk is simply getting out of bed to try something new. Letting go of past failures is a huge talent that must be grown. So, you messed up, no one is keeping score. Maybe you looked like an idiot the other day at a restaurant when you went to pick up a fork, your wrist came down on a spoon in such a way that you launched in straight at the head of the waitress and shew as knocked unconscious. So what? Tomorrow it will make a great story to tell a new friend. Sometimes you just simply have to try something to see how it goes. Not very long ago I went with my husband and his friend to Six Flags. I was a bit terrified of going on all of those roller coasters. A long time had passed since I had gone on roller coasters. I found that I was a little bit out of the age bracket as mostly teenagers were at the park. Yet, even though I did get a little bit bruised I had a blast going on the roller coasters and didn't even feel sick. Some of the coasters were intense. If you never try an activity you'll never know what it is like. Fear, and a rigid rulebook of what is good and evil, often causes people to fear trying new things and so they stick to the same old pattern. Even when they are deeply unhappy they cling to that pattern hoping for different results...they keep getting what they got (a quote from Collette Baron Reid). At some point, when the pain gets to be to much...that person will have a breakthrough. Sometimes they end up in a hospital or sometimes they lose their job. They didn't listen to their own feeling of suffering so they don't get out in time... When if they would have just gone maybe they would have found something better that makes them happy (although, there is a bit of a trick to that as well...because you'll never find happiness outside in the material world). Almost everyone is happy their first few months at a job. Learning something new causes the time to fly by and even though it might be stressful it's naturally fun. Overcoming Fear By realizing that everyone fails and that nothing is going to be 100% correct the first time we must attempt many activities in our lives. Sometimes, it's figuring out a way to make it as low cost as possible so the financial damage is not terrible if it fails. Sometimes, it's taking the risk of being judged such as writing this blog. My fear of being judged is one of the biggest ones that I have...I don't want people to look at I write and make fun of me. Yet, I have never had that happen. I've been writing a blot with some pretty weird stuff in it for over two years now...and not one negative reply from the people who read it. I get a lot of positive feedback but not negative. Sometimes, we just have to look fear in the eye and smile. Say hello, ask where he came from and ask where he is going. Usually, when we do whatever we are scared of...and somehow survive!- that fear fades away. Fear is a useful tool, if it's used as a tool and not a way of life. Fear allows us to know when to proceed with caution. New endeavors usually take some form of investment and we should question if the cost is worth the potential risk. Yet, without taking that chance...without doing or creating...mankind would still be living in caves dressed in animal skins barely surviving. Limiting ourselves to familiarity limits the breadth and depth of the life we have come here to experience. Further, if we never challenge the Rule Books (conditioning) that we are given by our family, parents, and society we will never know what are truly their beliefs based on their experience and our own beliefs. We are all experts on life...each hour we continue to breathe and survive we are proving our worth and right to be here. No one can take that away from us and no one can take our desire to try out new and innovative ideas or ways of thinking. If everyone worked like Robots, like drones in the Borg Collective, there wouldn't be much innovation. There is no wonder that the reason the Borg in the Star Trek series could only grow by assimilating other species ideas into their 'collective.' Their hive mind limited their creativity. This is why I reject the idea of Unity Mind. We need to focus on our individuality...and as individuals there is no right way or right path to anything. We simply have to forge forward into the unknown creating as we go, sometimes we will fall, but we will always exist...we will always survive in some form. We have all of eternity and that's a very long time. So we don't have to do it all in this life...better that we choose to challenge and grow in every direction that we feel the impulse. So go get out those gardening shears. By that Art Supply you've been staring at but fear touching because you haven't been formally trained. The formally trained people simply have more superficial 'rules' to create blind spots for them. You are free...free to create what you will the way you want to and in doing that you may just transform the world. The secret is...there is no "Right" way to do anything...and if there is a routine it's because someone else tried and failed many times before to create that routine. That doesn't make it the right way and always leaves a lot of room for improvement. Conclusion We must not allow the Fear of Failure or Fear of Being Wrong prevent us from sharing new ideas with the world or trying new activities. We need to learn, create and innovate. That is within the very nature of who we are as human beings. The most successful people feel fear but take the risk anyways while minimizing any potential damage failure might cause. There is never success if one does not first take a risk. Mistakes occur, especially on a first attempt, so we must be gentle with ourselves in the process. Failure does happen, but we have to remember that's part of the life we have come here to experience. There is a level of impermanence to everything, a level of risk, and it is because of this very tangible feeling that we learn so quickly and so deeply. If we never attempt to try new things, to offer new ideas from our own unique perspective, then we will be missing out on a huge fulfilling aspect of life. Not to mention humanity will be missing out on a unique voice. Think if George Washington had been silent. What if Jesus had remained silent and never taught the masses? What if Buddha kept enlightenment to himself? At the end of the day, there is no Right Way or One Path to the Creator...there are many broken paths that lead to our individual identity comprehending the profundity of the Universe. Each path we carve is unique. If it were anything else there would be very little point in this experience. We may not always choose easiest fork in the road. The difference is moving forward even when we've made the worst choice and making the best of it. A long time ago when I used to load trailers we would get to the end of the trailer...there would be one row of boxes left and not much room. Many of the guys would give up and try to call for another trailer...a waste of resources and time. The supervisors would call me, because I would tell them, I'll find a way. Sometimes, it was being creative, sometimes it required that I rebuild the wall of boxes someone else had created before I got there...but I always managed to fit even the very last box. The supervisors didn't know how I did it...but they called on me to do it and by sheer intention...I always made it happen. Every experience is worthy because it teaches us more about ourselves. Learning to accept being wrong or to accept failure with grace is one of the most noble things human beings can do...admitting we are wrong is very hard but nothing that humans create is perfect or permanent. I cannot fix everything. I can't heal the sick or bring the dead back to life...but that's not something I was called upon to do in this life. Each of us have our own unique talents and gifts that are just as valuable as these miraculous ones. Our unique voice and perspective contributes to the beauty of the whole. That is part of the beauty of our lives. Take the road less traveled, even if you don't know where it might go...take the advice of the 'experts' with a grain of salt. All of us are really just making up all of this as we go...all of this is just subjective and the entire world could change over night if everyone opened their minds to the possibility that everyone else might be right at the same time....on an individual basis....without the need for consensus and Group Think. Live, let be, risk/sow and reap what you have grown while causing harm to no one. Simple words that I live by in my day to day life.
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Brave Soul! May Your Journey On The Path Of The Seeker Bring You Joy and Peace! I'm currently posting every Saturday. With a new addition the family I have pre-scheduled most posts through December 2022. Full Moon Posts will contain up-to-date content when I can get to them. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! This is a place where you can encounter new spiritual ideas that have helped me develop as an Individual On The Path of the Seeker. Take or Leave this information as you see fit. Archives
April 2024
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