As promised here is my Valentines Day post. I wrote this mostly angled for those who don't have a loved one in their life. Yet it can apply to anyone who is hoping their situation will change for the better...be it a move or a job or whatever change you may desire.
All of us experience cycles. I've experienced a five year cycle where I learn something and a three year cycle of a spiritual growth spurt on a regular basis. To really experience something new, we have to make room for new experiences and to do that we have to put to bed our old lessons. I'm going to explain the process to open up for healing so you can close down those old emotional lessons you've been re-experiencing in your life and how to open up the room for a new more positive experience. Don't Fear The Unknown Fear. We all feel it at times. The feeling can be pervasive. Sometimes it doesn't seem to have a source. All of us Fear change, we try to hold onto the past pleasurable moments and fear the negative. When things start to change we leap to the worst case scenario mentally...then worry about it incessantly and as the psychological concept of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy explains...our subconscious does everything in it's power to validate our expectation. Since we live in a subjective reality it is easy to find proof that our fear are valid. We can almost prove any point that we make our mind up to argue. I discovered this during my college years. I would take a stance, seek out articles and studies that supported it and craft my entire paper around a hypothesis. Not once did I find information that suggested an error...if I did find something that contradicted the point of view I was arguing I'd leave it out of the paper. In fact, every fear you have is valid. There I said it...it is possible to experience all of your worst nightmares in every scenario you encounter in your life. If that is what you want to experience. If you want to experience the more positive side of fear learning to frame it properly so it does not control your life is an important step. Sometimes to gain something very important we have to take a huge risk. With love, when you first meet someone you like there is the risk of rejection. Accepting impermanence, the cycle of life in death where nothing lasts forever in our reality, alleviates the pain of fear. Even if you are rejected you know the feeling won't last forever. You can dedicate time to feeling that fear or you can examine it, label it and release it. As long as we Fear the feeling of Fear we will hold onto all of the emotional baggage of our past. We will continually project it onto others and onto our future. We will create the reality we don't want. Instead, we must make Fear a friend. When fear comes to visit I greet it, "Oh hello there old friend. Nice to see you again. What is it that I need to be mindful of?" Once it delivers the message it goes away...if I fight it the feeling grows and grows until it's overwhelming and I can't even bring myself to leave the house. Life itself seems to lose it's vibrancy. I'm in the lowlands of despair. Some people spend their entire life in that despair because they hold onto their fears and regrets so tightly they don't allow themselves to experience anything else. When you reach the point where you don't fear the Unknown...where you don't care about how you go from A to B...you enter a very powerful place. In fact, you start to see that the Unknown is not a dark black hole...but a brilliant white blank slate of potential. Clearing Your Emotional Energy In order to create room for something new in your life...you first have to recognize what didn't work in the past...but in order to do that you have to accept the pain you felt as a result of the decisions you made and release the hold of that pain in your life. Exploring that pain takes a certain amount of bravery. No one likes to see where they are lacking or examine a painful situation they experienced from multiple perspectives. I find it hard not to shut down emotionally in such situations let alone revisit or re-imagine them! Back in 2007, just before meeting Ross, I cleared up a huge mental hurdle I had for myself. I felt that I was lacking something because I was divorced. I didn't see why anyone would give me a chance again because I had not been faithful to my vows the first time. I realized I had said those vows only out of obligation and that I had no control of what had ended that relationship. I released the label completely. By naming that label- a divorcee- and then releasing any emotional energy that it had over me I moved into a state of expectation. I knew that I deserved a better experience. I knew that what had influenced me in the past had no power over me in my current life. Just because I had a failed marriage didn't mean I was doomed to repeat that mistake. I was emotionally honest with myself. I knew why the last marriage hadn't worked. I identified the behavior, mostly a lack of self-esteem and social conditioning that a girl who dated a lot of people was a whore. I realized the role that had played in my poor choices and I healed them. This was a powerful process. When I met Ross in 2008 I was a totally different person that I had been before. I was more emotionally honest. I was less of a people pleaser. If he didn't like me it wouldn't matter. I would go on, and there would be someone else if I chose. I didn't take it so seriously when I made a mistake or beat myself up for hours afterwards. On our first date when I farted a lot because I had a white pasta sauce that flared up my lactose intolerance...I let it go. I didn't dwell on it. The decision if he would come back for more was up to him and as unlikely as it would seem...for him it was a breath of fresh air to be with someone who was authentic. To release emotional energy we have to accept that we had a bad experience. We have to own our role in creating that experience because in any situation where two people were involved both are responsible. I made poor decisions from a place of dis-empowerment that led to my first marriage that was horrible. All of the signs were there that he was not mentally healthy. I should have run away screaming. I chose to stay with him. I chose to try and save him from himself...which was never my burden or my role to play. By owning my owning my own mistakes and the responsibility I held in that situation I was able to learn from them. I was able to adjust my approach to relationships in such a way that I would not repeat that experience. We often repeat the same lesson over and over again until we learn from them. Unless we learn what we did to get what we got...we're going to keep doing the same behavior and keep getting the same thing. Preparing The Way In 2007 I didn't know I was preparing for the Best Life Partner I could ever have met coming into my life. I was just trying to live life the best way I possibly could. We don't really need 'tools' to prepare the way. Instead it's it is a frame of mind we apply in the now...in this very moment. The best definition for abundance I have come across is from Bashar. He describes abundance not as money but as, "Being able to do what you want to do when you want to do it." In that way, I am very abundant and when you feel abundant it carries over to every other area of your life. I discovered that in 2008 when I met Ross. I was already abundant and happy...he sensed that and was attracted to me. If I had felt needy he would not have been attracted to me. Being in that zone means that you have to accept where you are at in life. You can't sit there thinking, "My life could be better if I had this...this...and this..." In that way you'll always wait for life to 'happen' to you instead of being an active participant. Then when something blind sides you and you're wondering why...you feel like a helpless victim and not someone who played a role in the situation. You have to know that right now in this very moment your life is the best that it could be...that you have mind the potential in every situation that you have faced. Sure, you don't have to be 100% happy with the situation you are in right now...but you have to realize life is never going to be perfect (and to say that it has to be is, in a way, arguing with Reality and God...and it's just an insane way to choose to suffer). I wasn't 100% happy living in my parents house in Big Bear Lake. I felt isolated and I felt bad that I didn't have my own independence. Yet, I chose to embrace it and to make the best of the moment. I enjoyed showering my parents with thoughtful gifts and I bought my very first vehicle (my 2007 Ranger) right off of the lot! To experience abundance you have to be happy with what you have and not focus on what you lack. That means taking inventory and finding ways that you were lucky. I was lucky my parents were very loving and supportive of me allowing me to live in their house. I was lucky to live in a place that so embodies nature and I only had to drive a couple minutes to reach a nature walk that I could enjoy with Angel. I was lucky to have my dog, Angel, as my constant companion. I had a lot of blessings, but I really had to appreciate them and accept them with every fiber of my being to really feel abundant. When you reach the point where you feel that all of your needs are being met...you have fulfilled Robert Malsow's Hierarchy of Needs. At that point, you are a Self-Actualized person. Malsow suggested that only 2% of the population is self-actualized! Only 2% of the people are capable of meeting all of their own needs! That's when the real miracles happen. I can attest that you might be self-actualized at one moment and in the next have your feet cut off from beneath you. I believe that we are spiritually tested in this way and at some point you can (because I have) become comfortable with that uncertainty...that groundlessness. If you feel as though you are lacking something in your life the best way to deal with it is to prepare. Go through Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs...identify areas where you feel as though you are lacking...and search for a solution. Believe me if you Seek you will Find and you will be Fulfilled. Every person's journey is unique. What worked for me may not work for you. Some people might not achieve it in this life time. That's okay, at our essence we are infinite beings so there really isn't need to rush. Accepting The Unexpected I did a little ceremony before I met Ross. I sat down and I wrote down in my journal everything I wanted in a man. That list was over one hundred items long! I just poured out everything I wanted. Everything I desired. I wrote that same list on another piece of paper. This was during the winter of 2007. When the fire in the hearth was going pretty good I threw in the paper. I let go of all of those expectations. What I didn't realize was that I had set an intention, then I let go of expectations. By burning that paper of expectations I let the Universe know that I was going to accept whatever it provided. This, I've learned, is a basic way of manifestation. You set an intention, you place the order with the universe, you get into a state of gratefulness for what you expect to arrive...and you let go of expectations. If I had insisted on a person who met all one hundred of those traits...if I had looked for them instead of just being accepting of whoever came...I would not have reached out to Ross. When I went back to look at the list many years later in my journal I realized he actually met all of those expectations. He fulfilled all 100 but not quite in the way I had anticipated. That's how the Universe works sometimes. Reaching out to Ross in the first place was a fluke. I was on Ok Cupid for the Myers Briggs Type Indicator Test. I stumbled onto part of the website that allowed you to rate guys. I was really enjoying rating the guys and giving the ones I thought were really fake and egotistical lower scores. When I saw Ross' profile I thought it was fake and wrote a snarky letter calling him out...little did I have any idea it would lead to the greatest romance in my life. Ross was far from an echo chamber. He didn't think or feel the same way as I do...he still doesn't. I've had an influence on him...he's no longer a straight up atheist as he realized it's anti-god. Yet, that's what makes our relationship so interesting. Often times, what we expect or what we think we want is not what we need. That's why it's so important to let go of expectations and accept what comes our way. This allows for so much more creativity and the Universe can deliver you the perfect thing or person you didn't expect. Conclusion In order to make room for the new in our life we have to follow a bit of a process. Each of our processes are unique. At different levels of our own life path we will experience a different cycle of release and rebirth. First, we can't fear the unknown. We have to let go of the Fear and open ourselves up to infinite possibility. Second, you have to let go of your emotional baggage and pain. As long as you're identifying with something painful you radiate that energy and you will only attract something similar. The only way to create something new is to let go of that old pain and energy...let it heal instead of keeping that wound open. Think of it as personally cleaning up your mental house. Third, prepare the way or set an intention. How you do it doesn't matter...the simple the better. Don't worry about how you're going to get from A to B or set a date. Just feel the excitement that you can feel the way being cleared so that it can come into your life. The universe has it's own timing and thought it might not meet what you expect...it's always perfect and looking back you realize how perfect that timing really was but usually only in hindsight. This takes a little bit of trust that the universe will bring you what you need when you need it....but once you can search your heart and find that trust your life will open up in new and exciting ways. Four, accept the unexpected. If we are holding onto a very specific ideal we might reject everything else...even the Greatest Experience we might ever have.. because we were only looking for one specific experience. When we are looking for that one thing...we might over look a dozen similar things that would serve us better that the universe has presented but because it didn't match exactly what we wanted. Five, live in the moment. Explore the depths of every moment for the golden nuggets of wisdom and the type of experiences that bring you the most joy. By doing this now you are building yourself a better future. We can't go back to yesterday and we can't fast forward to the future...if we experienced only the high points in our life we would miss out on the depth of the experience that often gives us the most wisdom. Evert moment is precious. Every time we meet a stranger we have an opportunity to learn a little bit more and express our compassion a little bit more...making the entire world a better place. Well, it seems like a formula that I have presented. You don't have to do it in exactly this order but this is what I have learned works for me. As I said, the process might be different for you. At different stages in life and spiritual development it may take a longer or shorter period for the change you want to enter your life. Each of us have a unique path...this is just what I've experienced. Marrying a skeptic has been the best experience. I am very grateful for my loving husband and I have many cherished stories about our experiences together. I never would have considered marrying a skeptic...if I had held fast to what I was looking for...I might have demanded someone who was a complete mirror of me. I would have missed out as Ross continuously challenges me to grow intellectually. I can even apply the same situation to my best friend Jennifer. If I had rejected her husband Joe when he said, "Oh my gosh you remind me of my wife I bet the two of you will make great best friends..." I would never have the fantastic relationship I have with her. She makes my life just that much sweeter. Don't hold onto your emotional baggage expecting to get what you already got, open up your mind to all possibilities and live every moment acting in compassion...and you really can't go wrong. I hope you enjoyed this post and I wish you a wonderful Valentines Day
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Brave Soul! May Your Journey On The Path Of The Seeker Bring You Joy and Peace! I'm currently posting every Saturday. With a new addition the family I have pre-scheduled most posts through December 2022. Full Moon Posts will contain up-to-date content when I can get to them. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! This is a place where you can encounter new spiritual ideas that have helped me develop as an Individual On The Path of the Seeker. Take or Leave this information as you see fit. Archives
April 2024
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