The timing of this epiphany is a strange one and perfect.
For that I am thankful! I just realized this recently. I must admit freaked me out when all of it fell into place. I don't ask that you beleive me. For me it's real and that's what matters. If it brings me peace then so be it. Some of these stories are the deepest secrets I hold. Some might think I have psychological issues because of them...and again I don't care...that type of thinking is very archaic. Anyways, enjoy this approrpiately timed Haloween story.... I have a strange little story to tell. Part of why I am so prone to believing in Spirituality and one of my major Validations has to do with what is, for all intents and purposes, a haunting. I'm not talking about some random Ghost haunting me. I'm talking about someone I knew in a Past Life. You might be familar with this story on some level. I've told parts of it before but it never dawned on me the continuity of it in this life. I only realized this in the past two days even though it's now obvious to me. First, if you read about my past lives you know that in my last incarnation I was murdered. I was stabbed in the gut by a kid who was trying to attack the guy I was dating who thought he was the cat's meow. This was sometime during prohbition. I think it was during the 1930's that I died as a teenager. I came into this life with memories from that one. I remember as a very young child in this life, maybe three or four, telling my mom about one particular memory and she told me in never happend. It wasn't until I had a Past Life Regression that I realized that memory was not from this life. The Ghost Encounter Either way, the experience that first prompted me onto the Path of the Seeker happened on a bright and sunny day. I was going upstairs to a room that would later become mine. I noticed a strange black smoke coming in through the windows that faced the back. Now, keep in mind these windos were closed. The smoke came into the room in an odd way. The smoke seemed to move much as a serpent would slinking forward and there was this greasy shinyness to it. I found myself frozen in place. Whatever the heck this thing was it had me abosultely terrified and I could't move even if I wanted to move. The smoke stopped in front of me and I had the distinct impression that it said, without words, "I know who you are and I will be back." With that it went out the front window of the house and, no longer frozen, I ran downstairs and told my mom what had happened. I was absolutely freaked out. Later, when that would become my room I had the distinct feeling of a presence. Several people heard someone walking along the dropped ceiling of that room (it was the only room in the house with a drop ceiling). I would keep the radio on at night because I was so frightened by the presence. Years after I moved out my dad tore down that drop ceiling...and there were no more footsteps. The Walk In In 2005, something really bizarre happened. My ex-husband had gone through cancer, he had a surgery called an RPLND which basically gutted him like a fish and they removed his lymph nodes. He was back at work but he had begun to behave in a bizarre fashion. He had always acted in a bizzare way but this was even more so... I had no context for what happened at the time even now there isn't much information on the concept. He started talking in his sleep. He sounded like he was having horrible nightmares. I sleep like a rock so it takes a lot for me to wake up. I would try my best to soothe him back to sleep. This happened night after night for weeks...at least a month. Then one night it changed. Something, that was not my ex, talked through him. This thing explained that it was a "place holder" spirit. This Spirit was very upset that I could talk to it and the guys eyes were open as though he were awake. It even talked to itself saying, "This has never happened before, what do I do," and it explained that it's main function was being a placeholder. Basically, it explained, it keeps a body alive while a soul is sought to continue with the life. Then it explained that the ex-husband's soul had been inexplicably hurt by the experience after the RPLND treatement. That his soul could no longer function in the human body. I asked to speak to him and what came out was this discoherent crying mess of a personality. Just screaming why, why and it was absolutey bizzare. Having only a Christian background I was freaked out of my mind. I figured he had to be possessed. I told him what had happened the following day and he claimed he didn't remember any of it even though his eyes had been wide open! The following night I got out my bible. When he started talking in his sleep and woke me up I turned on the light. I started reading the Lords Prayer. My faith was very solid that Jesus would protect me. There was the most wicked laugh that came out of him. He told me that the bible could not protect me. Those were just words and the bible was just paper with ink. Now I was nearly beside myself. He asked, "Should I take over this body? Would you like that?" Okay now I was abosolutely freaked out beyond comprehension. I can't even explain to you how I felt. I started to get dressed deciding I was going to leave...that I had to get away. I ran to the kitchen but he followed me, his eyes wide open as though he was completey and absolutely awake. He told me we had been together before and when I asked him why he sounded like Dracula he said we'd had a life in some European country and Transylvania was part of the kingdom or something. I was convinced I was talking to a demon. So, I grabbed a knife and told him to keep the heck away from me. He grabbed it out of my hand. I ran like a bat out of hell to the bathroom, closed and locked the door. I slept in the bathroom part of the night. In the morning I found he was in bed asleep. The next morning he claimed he couldn't remember what happened. That night at work I ditched him (we worked at the same place and the car was mine) I went home and I left. I never went back to him. He was such a screwed up person I can't say for certain he purposely acting like that...why he would I have no idea. But I realized if I didn't trust him enough to believe that he didn't cosnciously pretend to be possessed I shouldn't be with him. Don't feel too bad for him, though, because he was that kid who killed me in my last life. Hence, why he had the RPLND surgery to remove his lymph nodes. Karma is a bitch. Past Life Regression Nightmare Years later, I would have a terrible experience the night before I went to have a past life regression done. I had several nightmares in a row. I would go back to sleep and have the same exact nightmare. Each time the front door of the living room in which I was sleeping would be broken into...one time it was the screws in the door knob were forced out. Another time, it was a window that did not exist next to the door that was broken and a man reached in and turned the doorknob. The first two times I felt as though my throat had been cut and that I was drowning in water. I just couldn't breathe and that's what startled me awake only to experience the same exact situation again. I heard the words, "Ana! Ana! Wake up!" The third time, it was agreed that I would be allowed to talk to him but that it had to be observed. I sat down at a lunch bench and he showed me a pink urn.There was a white and yellow flower on it's neck. He apologized, which I didn't understand at the time (I thought maybe he was apologizing for my daughters death that had happened two weeks before). Then, the next day I had my past life regression. In it I learned that in my last life there had been this guy named Lou who was called the Peacock. I didn't see his eyes in the regression. I once heard that when they don't show their eyes they're ashamed of something. Well, this guy had plenty reason to be ashamed. After I was stabbed by my attacker who was really just trying to show Lou what it was like not to be so lucky...when I was bleeding out on the boards of a pier he did the unthinkable. He and his friends, instead of being implicated in their crime and having to answer questions about what happened threw me into the ocean. I had probably passed out from bleeding so much and they probably didn't know that stomach wounds take a long time to kill someone...but they threw me into the water. Technically, they killed me because I drowned before I succumbed to the wounds caused by the attack. The funny thing was as soon as I was out of my body I wasn't upset or vengeful or anything. My first thought as a spirit was, "That wasn't supposed to happen!" Which I personally think is hilarious. It's like when a video game charecter dies when you're trying to complete some sort of complciated feat and the controls don't work right. Psychic Overload This also explains some of the bizarre information/experiences I had when I was being overwhelmed with panic attacks. Some of that information, when I was completely heavy and could not move, had to do with someone apoligzing. Still. "I didn't know, I didn't know," was the feeling I got over and over again plus this overwhelming sadness I can't explain. I have no doubt when I open up on a psychic level this guy is just waiting there for me ready to pounce. Waiting to hear that I forgive him. I just didn't understand the message until now. Why Does This Make Sense Now? I guess I can thank Lou for my becoming a Seeker but as I know nothing happens without a reason...I kind of figure my Higher Self had that planned. There was an even bigger promise made to the One Creator that absolutely nullifies any karma I have here. This epiphany came to me while I was thinking about my Kundalini experience and all of the mystical experiences I had. I've always wondered, why the heck I had seen whatever that thing waswhen I was a kid and what did it mean it knew who Iwas or that ominous 'I will be back?' Conclusion Apparently, I need to tell Lou I forgive you now move on. I'm done with that life as Ana. I wasn't terribly upst after that life ended. I just went about my way and went to the Spirit world on my own. I knew the way (which is considered odd usually a person has a Guide to take them). He's inadvertedly helped me in this life several times. He's proven without a doubt that there is something beyond death. I can't deny it because it was so powerful which means there must have been a pretty strong connection. How should I know? Yet, whatever he is or became he needs to go on to the Spirit side. I forgive him, he needs help because he's trapped and lost. This body that is sitting in this chair is not the way for him to get help. I haven't researched that life much.I really don't want to research it. I don't know if it's just because if I found out more about it...the whole thing would be even more real. I also don't want to obssess over the past. I know I'm not Ana, this is a distinct experience. So, yeah, I guess the next step is to look at how to send this spirit on his way. Extremely weird stuff.
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Brave Soul! May Your Journey On The Path Of The Seeker Bring You Joy and Peace! I'm currently posting every Saturday. With a new addition the family I have pre-scheduled most posts through December 2022. Full Moon Posts will contain up-to-date content when I can get to them. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! This is a place where you can encounter new spiritual ideas that have helped me develop as an Individual On The Path of the Seeker. Take or Leave this information as you see fit. Archives
April 2024
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